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Copyright © Natasha Blackthorne, 2011
All Rights Reserved, Total-E-Ntwined Limited, T/A Total-E-Bound.
Reader Advisory: Grey's Lady is Erotic Romance and it contains graphic language and descriptions.
The focus of Grey’s Lady is on the immediate interaction between two wounded and self-protective people who feel an overpowering attraction to each other but who do not want to admit it to themselves or the other. Beth and Grey have unique insight into the experiences of each other and can offer each other understanding and sympathy that others could not. Yet past experience works against them. Both are conditioned to fear emotional exposure and to deny their own need for love. They both use sex to gain temporary, conditional intimacy while keeping their true selves distant from their lovers. Grey uses his wealth and sexual skill to keep his mistresses dependent on him and to gain their adoration and admiration.
Beth exploits her unusual silver blonde beauty to entice gentlemen into brief, purely sexual encounters. It took her a long time to get over the hurt and frustrated desire she suffered when her first lover betrayed her. She enjoys a sense of control being the one who makes the choice to seduce. She always picks handsome, wealthy gentlemen and she delights in turning the tables by leaving her lovers burning for her. It’s a way for her to maintain the illusion of power in relationships with gentlemen who are far above her in wealth and social position.
Both Beth and Grey employ rationalization to prevent these conditional relationships from growing into something deeper. Grey puts his business life up as an impregnable wall between himself and those around him. He's overly responsible. He tells himself he cannot give extensively of his time and energy because of the responsibility and demands of his position. As the owner of Sexton Shipping, too many people depend on him to make the right decisions at the right times. If he allowed himself to be too distracted by fluttering lashes and the crinkle of muslin, the whole world would come undone.
I would like to let Beth tell her story in her own words.
Why should men always have the power of choice when it comes to sexual and romantic relationships? Is it right that we women have no choice but to sit and wait for a man decide to honor us with his declarations–usually uttered in the form of a demand? And all we as women may do is say “yes” or “no” and hope we have made a wise choice. The man still has the power to break his promises and it will be our good name and heart that bears the damage.
My mother fell into an adulterous affaire with an unknown man and as a result I was created. Her husband put her out of their house. I would have been born in the almshouse if not for the kindness of her employer. After my mother’s death, I would have gone to the foundling home without my kindly benefactress. My unknown father also had his power of choice, the choice to abandon me. How fair is it that men have all the power of choice?
Oh you ask what about the gentlemen? Ha! The gentlemen. They are the very worst.
A gentleman once declared passionate love for me. He said this so ardently, his beautiful brown eyes shone with sincerity. I was young. I was naïve. I believed him. I trusted him and gave my heart wholly into his keeping. And as went my heart, eventually so went my virtue.
Do you what happened next? Surely, I don’t have to tell you. You know how these maudlin stories go. He married someone else. A lady. Someone of his own class.
He became a respectable family man and I was left being a soiled dove. I had a good cry over it. I may have drank a little too much at his wedding celebration. What a pitiful little fool I was. But I did not wallow in my self-pity for long. So men have needs and desires? Well, I also have needs. I also have desires. Why should men have all the power of choice? Why should they have all the enjoyment in life?
I take my own power of choice now. I chose whom, when and for how long and I select only the most handsome, wealthy, and powerful of gentlemen.
Yes, I know you are asking do I not fear discovery? This is a worry and I take it seriously. Truly I do. I live with my half-brother and his family now. He is very protective and very touchy about matters of honor. Our mother was not faithful to his father. Now he takes such matters so seriously. Too seriously. If he had his way, I would stay home all the time, working in the backroom of his cobbler shop with one eye on the children. But honestly, though I love my nieces and my half-siblings, life there is dreary. It’s all work, work and more work. Everything is shabby, everything seems to stay gritty and grimy no matter how hard I work to keep things clean. There are always more shoes to repair. I swear my eyes shall go crossed trying to sew by candlelight night after night. I never get enough sleep or time to myself. If I couldn’t go out and seek my adventures, I should go mad. I have my mother’s wild blood in me and my desires can run so high I fear they shall consume me.
I could marry a nice man and he would carry me away from all of this. I would have my own cozy home and hearth. My benefactress has introduced me to a nice young minister and to a nice young but struggling legal clerk and a nice young medical student who trembled all over and went pale when I said good morning to him. I have no interest in nice young men. It’s the wealthy, powerful, arrogant gentlemen who fascinate me. I know they will never desire me for a wife but they shall burn for me. They shall remember me.
How do I protect myself from discovery? I limit my liaisons to one single meeting. I never meet with my gentlemen again, no matter how desperately they implore me. And they do implore me. Though I am poor, the child of adultery by an unknown man and powerless in my society, I have something gentlemen desire. I have beauty, and thanks to my mother’s wild blood, I understand their hot lusts better than the women of their class.
I do gain a measure of satisfaction out of leaving them burning for more. Burning for me. No gentleman shall ever forget the one afternoon he spent with me.
Today is a special day for me. Mr. Asahel de Grijs, otherwise known as Grey to his friends, is coming to my favorite bookseller to give a lecture on privateering. He is a New York man, the owner of Sexton Shipping which has a fleet of over forty sea going vessels. He is rumored to be the wealthiest gentleman in America. I know this is not true. I know exactly who is the wealthiest man in America. But Mr. Sexton is among the top three wealthiest men in our nation. He is also politically connected and quite powerful. He would be the brightest feather in my cap. I think I shall wear my shabbiest dress because you know it is always more thrilling when these gentlemen cannot resist the shabby, poor little bastard girl. They are slaves to their own greed for beauty.
I don’t really deride gentlemen for their focus on beauty. I appreciate a handsome face and well-made masculine form. Well, if Mr. Sexton’s physicality matches his other attributes, then I shall be entertaining a gentleman today. In private. In his carriage. But only for today. Afterwards, he shall burn for me. He will never forget me.
Giveaway: I am offering one free e-copy of Grey's Lady to a commenter chosen at random from all my posts here today. I will draw a winner Monday at 12:01 AM and announce the winner in my first post and also on my blog. You must be 18 years of age or older and have reached the age of majority in the country/state where you live to enter. Void where prohibited by law. Good Luck!
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