Ever get this critique: “needs emotion”. Here’s one fix, from Kayelle Allen #AmWriting #AmEditing

How to Add Emotion

One of my favorite tips about increasing the emotional aspect of a story is to layer aspects of emotion into the setting. Readers will pick up on it and feel what the character feels.

For example, in the opening of my book Forged in Fire, here’s the main character’s perception of the environment.

Would this incessant nightmare of darkness never end? The steaming, lightless rainforest stank of alien spores and enough flowers to choke the dead. Let the rescue party inhale, but this cloying scent left a sickening taste in his mouth.

Based on this one paragraph, what does the MC think of the place? What are the words that give it away? Here’s a list:

· incessant

· nightmare

· darkness

· never end

· steaming

· lightless

· stank

· alien

· choke

· the dead

· cloying

· sickening

Twelve negative words in one paragraph. Do all paragraphs need to read like this? No. But an intro that tells you more about a character as well as the setting is more likely to interest readers.

Other things we pick up from this text: he is educated and has an excellent vocabulary, he’s a bit stuck up (let the rescue party…), and hints at a question. Why is he with a rescue party? Is he the one being rescued or doing the rescue?

To add emotion to your story and immediately set the tone, feature some aspect of the MC’s personality, upbringing or background, layer in descriptive words for the setting, and, if possible, dangle a subtle question before the reader. It will help establish where the characters are, who they are, their attitude, and perhaps even hint at their goal.

Forged in Fire: Bringer of Chaos

No food. No shelter. No weapons. Enemies aplenty. And the only one watching his back is his captor. At his side is an irascible mortal who’d once been his jailer, and a fascinating woman who’s the designer of their people’s finest weapons—and telepathic. Just his luck, Pietas has been adopted by an entire tribe of know-it-all sentient panthers. But first, he must deal with the most dysfunctional family in the history of forever… Ebook https://books2read.com/forged-pietas Audiobook https://play.google.com/store/audiobooks/details?id=AQAAAECihCrEmM&pli=1

About the Author

Kayelle Allen did a tour in the US Navy, where she climbed around airplanes (on the ground, thankfully) fixing black boxes that helped pilots find their way home.

She wrote her first science fiction novel at eighteen and to this day, it’s hidden under the bed, where she vows it will remain. Gems from it, however, launched several series in her galaxy-wide universe of stories.

From childhood, Kayelle was the victim of an overactive imagination and inherited the Irish gift of gab from her mother. From her father, she got a healthy respect for mechanical things.

No wonder she writes Science Fiction and Fantasy peopled with misbehaving robots, mythic heroes, role playing immortal gamers, and warriors who purr. She’s been married so long she’s tenured. Homeworld https://kayelleallen.com Claim your immortality https://kayelleallen.com/immortality Enter the Empire https://reamstories.com/kayelleallen