New Year’s Resolutions

In light of our approaching New Year’s Eve/Day, I thought I would talk about the famous “resolutions” that we put ourselves through every year.

I’m not sure how you do things in your house, or if you even pay attention to resolutions, but I am tired of listening to people promising themselves new bodies, smoke free lives, and … yes, even more sex. I can’t imagine you promising yourself more sex if you’ve been married for as long as I have – unless, of course, you plan to get it elsewhere. And there is the other option, becoming asexual and then we won’t need our husbands after all. They can have their beer, their porno, and their sports. We can take care of everything – even ourselves!

I will be the first to admit that I’ve done the New Year’s Resolution thing. The promise to be skinnier, nicer, color my hair more often, call the kids more than once a week, that sort of thing. But I never did it. Too much pressure on myself after the holidays! After eating constantly for days, weeks, neverending munching and lazing – why put that much pressure to change? Why wait until January 1st? Why can’t we do it now? December 30. Let’s declare this our New Year’s Resolution day! But then we’ll worry about New Year’s Eve. The night when people who don’t drink all year round suddenly become drunks; smokers go from one to two packs a day, the panic of having to give them up forcing them to get a life time’s worth in that last week. People who want to diet after the new year spend every waking moment eating all those things they want to give up………and we hold off on sex hoping your libido will magically pick up just because Jan. 1st has arrived.

Come on ladies (and gents……..can’t leave you poor babies out), let’s face it. We are just as beautiful now as we were a year ago, we’re just as nice, just as sexually inactive…..it won’t change because of a date. We should just be happy with who we are and what we’re doing with our lives.

Bonnie (who is sitting back with rolls of fat hanging over her pants, gray hairs rearing their ugly heads in the roots of her scalp, and doesn’t plan to ‘do’ her husband anytime soon. New Year’s Resolutions………..BAH HUMBUG! )