I Resolve To…..

By Mary Carter

I’m already worried about New Years Resolutions. I know it’s only the last day of September. I’m a proactive worrier. Because I never stick to any of them anyway, so what I should really resolve to do is to not be resolute about anything. I resolve to be irresolute! Now there’s a goal I can actually stick to. Actually the one New Years Resolution I actually kind of stuck to was the one I made in 2004 to write a novel. I started it anyway. Then in 2005 my New Years goal was to finish it. I kept that one too. My first novel was She’ll Take It, and yep, it was the result of a News Years Resolution. I’ve written a novel a year since then, but since it’s my job now, it’s never again been a formal resolution.

“Get in shape” is not going to be one of them. I already bought P90X and I’ve gone through the circuit only once. And even then I didn’t buy the pull-up bar and I really hate push-ups so I kind of cheated the whole way through. That was about a month and a half ago. It’s staring at me from next to the DVD player. Maybe I should resolve to put it somewhere I can’t see it so I don’t feel guilty about it.

I also bought a juicer and resolved to go on a juice diet for thirty days straight. I did it on and off for a couple of days. They are the treadmills of the kitchen. I haven’t put it out of sight yet because I still hold onto the illusion that I will become an avid juicer.

I don’t have a husband/boyfriend, dog, or kid. Maybe I should aim for at least one of the three in the new year.  After all, in most author bios I read, they mention their husband/wife/dog/or kids. I always have to think of something to fill the void. I can’t really say””Mary is alone and terrified of Internet dating. Her life is like Sex in the City without the money, clothes, shoes, friends, or apartment. Actually, I do have plenty of friends, and a decent apartment even if it is out in Queens. I have a view of Manhattan from my living room and dining room, and just the fact that I have both a living room and a dining room and they’re not the same space masquerading as one, is something to brag about in New York City. It’s a happening city. There’s no excuse to ever be lonely or bored. So maybe I should just resolve to stop complaining.

I should save money, now that should definitely be one of them. Otherwise my retirement plan is a beach and a tent. It’s easy to spend everything you make in New York City.

How about this. I resolve to be less stressed. I started watching a National Geographic special on stress. Some Harvard genius studied baboons in order to compare their stress level to humans. Because like us, baboons cause their own stress, mostly by being complete you-know-whats to each other. The most stressed out baboons are those low on the totem pole of social hierarchy. Same for humans. They studied British civil servants and the poor working Joe getting chewed out by the big boss had the most clogged arteries. I have to admit, I fell asleep during the documentary, so I guess I wasn’t that stressed during it. Regardless, I should resolve to de-stress. And to achieve this I will work out, save money, and get a husband/boyfriend-dog-kid. (Because everyone knows how stress free kids and dogs and husbands are).

I hope after you read this, you’ll forget about your own resolutions, and instead go out and get a copy of my latest novel, The Pub Across the Pond. It’s about Carlene Rivers, a thirty-year-old American woman who wins a pub in Ireland. It’s a great place to forget about your troubles, or resolutions, or husband/ boyfriend/ dog/kids or lack of them. You can pull up a stool, have a pint or twelve, and take a trip to Ireland, where it may not always be sunny, but there’s plenty of banter to take your mind off the rain. There may even be a little romance between Carlene Rivers and Ronan McBride ““ the Irishman who lost his family pub in a poker game. So forget about your own resolutions, and go on a journey with Carlene. She has to leave home to finally figure out who she really is, and where she belongs. It’s way more fun to worry about characters in a novel. Helps you worry a little bit less about you. So if you need a break from your husband/boyfriend, dog, or kid, pick up the book. Until then, I’m off to the pub myself. Cheers.