Written by Mercedes Keyes
Interracial drama series
[Overall rating = R ]
Chapter 49
Deidre's hand shook as she signed the lease. Within her mind, she called herself a thousand different kinds of fool for even taking a look at the place once it had been brought to her attention that it was again vacant. She'd been looking for a place to stay, moved out of her parents mansion and was staying with her long time friend from school, Terra Conway. She'd gone into work as usual, while there, she combed the internet trying to find a home quick enough to satisfy the judge in Wisconsin. It was Terra who had called at her job and told her the old place she and Shawn had once leased had been available for about three weeks.
Against her better judgement, she asked Terra for the number on the, for lease sign. Now here she was signing the lease, because once again, it would be her home, this time – absent him. The keys were handed over as well as her copy of the lease and the owner departed leaving her and Terra to stand and look around the partially furnished open loft apartment. She'd forgotten how big the place was. The owner had also modernized it, everything was shiny and new within the 3,000 square foot flat. One entire wall was brick with a fireplace for the center-piece of it, flanked by huge picture windows with a view of Wilshire blvd and all the business district. There was a large park not far in the distance, she and Shawn used to run together through that park in the mornings, she had been determined to keep fit even while pregnant. He went along to make sure she would be alright, fearful that her activities might jeopardize his child. She looked towards the other walls, the opposite one had no windows, just two closed in bedrooms and a enclosed bathroom. To her left was the open kitchen with all new Jenn-air appliances. The wood floor gleamed fresh from the stripping, sanding, buffing, staining and varnishing.
"You know… I don't think it was a good idea for me to tell you about this place. It was just in the spur of the moment that I told you because I drove by, I didn't expect you to actually go through with leasing it." Terra spoke up watching her old friend battle regrets.
Deidre inhaled deep and long and then looked at Terra smiling. She was a robust brunette, a snug size 16, with a Latin look about her. Her lineage went way back boasting of descendents from Spanish Conquistadors who played a part in reshaping this land. Her family came to California before it had been named that, staking claim of land where they resided still today. Yet with all of that history, Terra Conway gave it little thought, she couldn't even speak Spanish. Not unreasonable considering how much of her family had married into white, so there was barely much Spanish left regardless of how many native Indians also made up her genetic background. Blue eyes gazed fondly from the olive complexioned, pretty face.
"I know… I shouldn't have."
"Then why did you sign it?" Terra asked.
"It was our first home together. We lived here when I had Angela-…"
"Hello-o-o – I was here – if you remember… I think you're supposed to be moving forward, not backward? Getting this place, most definitely a move back."
"Oooh I know… God – I just – you know – for some weird reason, I honestly thought – well – that he would just go on having frivolous nowhere relationships. That somehow – we would – suddenly realize – that – we should give it another try. I never thought he'd be able to move on so quickly." Deidre admitted walking to the kitchen bar seat and sitting down.
"Girlfriend, look how long you two have been divorced! I mean – come on – if there was going to be any rekindling, it would have happened shortly afterwards, the more time goes by the less likely any re-uniting will occur. You should be over him by now."
"Excuse me, he was my husband! I married him because I loved him. I had his child, we should have been together till death parted us! In which case, I would still be in love with him."
"Well, he obviously didn't feel as strongly as you."
"Thank you – its so nice to have a friend."
"Who is just being honest with you. I've never held back before, no reason for me to start now."
"Let me ask you something, and I need complete honesty from you."
"You know me."
"Did you know that my mother was after him?"
"Yes I did."
"You knew and you never said anything." Deidre pressed.
"Look… it was your mother. Had it been anyone else, I would have."
"How did you know?" Deidre asked, crestfallen.
"I came to the house one day, the one you two bought and moved into, I had the swatches you asked for. Well, when I pulled into your driveway and walked up to the front door, I could hear them arguing from inside. Shawn was going off on her, basically telling her to stop coming to his home begging for a fuck-…"
"OH MY GOD! I can't believe that – that – is my mother!"
"Yeah… well, I couldn't believe it either. I was about to turn and leave when Shawn snatched the door open to shove her out and saw me standing there. Neither said anything more – she walked past us as if nothing were wrong, got into her car and pulled off. Talk about awkward discomfort. I just held up the swatches and said, "Um – Deidre wanted these… to order the furniture." He'd been painting at the time. He just grabbed them from me and closed the door."
"I can't believe that all the times we've spent together, you couldn't find it in you to tell me! I feel like such an idiot!"
"Well it's over now."
"You're damn right its over! Had I known, it might have saved my marriage! Thanks for being such a good goddamn friend!" Deidre spat angrily.
"She was your mother Deidre!" Terra defended.
"Yes, well even more reason for you to have told me!" Deidre stood and walked to the door opening it to leave. Terra released a dramatic sigh and followed her to the door.
"Look, I'm sorry – maybe I should have told you – but at the time-…"
"Save it Terra – does me little good now. Its over – he's with someone else now. I need to get my own life in order."
"Well leasing this place isn't going to help."
"Deeds done, I've signed the lease." Deidre announced locking the door as they left.
Heading down the stairs Terra followed and spoke her mind. "Deidre, look – I agree that now is the time to get your life in order…but… if you ask me, I think you should leave your daughter with her father."
That stopped Deidre at the downstairs exit of the warehouse apartments. With her hand on the knob she watched her friend come down the last three steps to stand in front of her. "Are you saying that I'm not a good mother to her?"
"I know you love her, there's no doubt in that. But don't forget who you're talking to now, I know you. You're not mother material… lets just face it. Some of us are, some of us aren't. There's nothing better for yourself and her, than to leave her with her father. Don't let your pride ruin your daughter's life."
Deidre stood and stared at her friend, she wanted to angrily snap at her, but she couldn't… not when she knew that she was right. She turned and made her exit leading to the parking lot where they were parked next to each other. Terra remained quiet to let her think. At their vehicles, Deidre stopped to stare across the top of her two door, white Mercedes coupe.
"You know Terra, I'll be honest. I've thought it… what you said, leaving her with him. Its just that it hurts to do it. I don't want my daughter thinking that I don't love her. That I didn't want her. That at the first opportunity I had to give her away, I took it. I feel as if I have to fight for her, just so she knows, that I love her. And I do… so much. She's him all over again, she's so beautiful – she's all that I have left of him."
"Maybe Deidre, that's the strongest reason of all that makes you want to get her back. Because as long as you have her, in a sense, you still have him?"
"No… I don't. He's in love with his fiancée – I mean really in love with her. I saw the look in his eyes when he looked at her. When she was sick. As much as he cherished me when we were together, I saw something in him I've never seen before. He was considerate, kind and good to me. With her, he's different. No… in view of that even having Angela with me, I know he would not be mine."
"Then is it the idea of another woman raising your daughter, being the dominant female in her life? Is that what keeps you from letting go?"
"Possibly. But I know Shawn, he's extremely protective of Angela, if Sylvia were not a good person, with hidden agenda's… there's no way he would trust our daughter to her. So, because he trusts her, I know she's trustworthy with her."
Terra considered that a moment and then got into her car. "Come on Deidre… we can finish this discussion at my place. You need to pack and start getting your things pulled from storage and delivered."
Deidre opened her car door and followed suit agreeing. Thinking about all of her stuff, all of her furniture and things from their house had been in storage since she moved out and went back home. She was excited now to get them all back and into her own home.
* * *
With her rooms locked from interruption, Georgiana sat with her heart pounding, her stomach fluttering and her nether region wet and throbbing. Short of breath she watched him in action. Wearing only a thin gossamer wrap, she knelt on her bed, breathing deep and shaky, touching herself – her motivation – the young Shawn in action in one of his porn movies. She'd been very careful to wait until Deidre and Oscar were out of the house. Days ago she'd gone into his study, opened his safe – the safe he thought safe from her. Not in her home it wasn't, she'd long ago gotten someone to come in and crack the code, giving her the combination. Thank goodness she had. Because the moment Deidre informed her of the tapes, inadvertently believing that she'd known about them all along, Georgiana's curiosity was triggered. There were six of them. She took them all, copied them and then put them back before Oscar knew of it.
Now she watched him in action.
Longing to be the woman whom he pounded away at. Georgiana's efforts increased as she masturbated watching him. She fell to her back and writhed on her bed covers trying to obtain the height of satisfaction she remembered she'd found at his hands. Reaching beside her, she grabbed the dildo that was molded from him. Having watched the movie before, she followed through after seeing the end of the 6 movies that advertised his penis saying, "You too can know the pleasures of 'Oscar Delight'! Don't let them be the only ones to feel such pleasure…emmmmm Oscar. – Get yours today.' She'd laughed when she realized the name of it was her husband's name as well and without hesitation, she did just that. Found where it was sold, surprised that they were still available, and now she used it to fill herself as she moaned, watching him in action, wishing that she were the woman administering fellatio.
Finally it happened, she came to a climax, her body shivering and shaking as the movie went on. Laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, her heart pounded as she thought of him. No matter how she tried to move on in life, there was something that brought her back to one clear conclusion. She was obsessed with him. It had to be obsession for her to be longing so as she did. Watching his porn movies. Purchasing his dildo. She sat up and looked at all the photographs of him surrounding her on the bed.
She picked one up, it was a picture of him and Deidre – she'd cut out a face picture of herself and glued it over her daughters face. One by one she picked up each photograph and held them, smiling to herself. Seeing herself next to him as he smiled and held her. With her thumb nail she scratched at some of the smeared dry glue, blowing it from the picture. Bringing the picture of him to her lips, she kissed the image of him.
"You're mine. You just don't realize it yet. Dating that – that nasty little – Negro! What's wrong with you – hmm – my darling – my love – what is it going to take to get through to you? You enjoyed me once, I know it was just as wonderful for you – as it was for me. Yet you fight it? Why? How many times must I come to you? What must I do to get through to you? No matter where you go – what you do – whom you're with – you still belong to me. Don't you know – I could give you the world. Everything your heart desires. Yet – you play this awful silly game. Playing hard to get – shame on you. I know you want me. I remember the words you said to me, the way you touched me, the feel of you – oooh…" She laid the pictures down and stared at the movie. Stared at the young man. Listening to the cries and gasps of the woman as he pumped into her with her legs over his shoulders, his length hard, huge and battering her as she cried out to endure him.
Georgiana's heart was pounding as she laid back and used his dildo again. She was the woman, he was her man and somehow – some way… one day – he would love her again. He would touch her again, he would beg that she forgive him. That she please look upon him with adoration and know… that never again would he stray to another. One day… one day.
Stepping out of the shower, with a towel wrapped around her body, and another around her hair, Georgiana packed away her pictures, picked up the tapes and put them all in a box that she hid in her closet. Coming out of it, she walked to the mirror and began drying her hair. She stood and took a closer look at herself in the mirror. The woman that looked back at her was still attractive, outside of the tiny lines at the corners of her eyes and bracketing her mouth. She leaned her head back, turned it left then right and looked at her neck, wondering about the skin growing loose there. She opened the towel and looked at her slender body. The tone of her skin. Her breast, they were small, empty, flat. Images of Sylvia kept playing over and over in her mind. She had very full, shapely lips, large dramatic, dark eyes.
Wrapping the towel back around herself, Georgiana went to her phone and dialled a number.
"Hello Brenda, it's me. I need a plastic surgeon, the best there is."
Chapter 50
"SHAWN! THAT'S VILE!!!"
"DADDY!!! PEEE-UUU!!!"
"What? What I do?" Shawn pretended innocence, lounging on the sofa in Sylvia's basement playing one of his Playstation games courtesy of her big screen, where he'd hooked it up once they'd gotten home from his parents, this was encouraged by Derrick and sons. Now that it was connected, Sylvia could see, her future husband was just a bit game addicted. Shawn was in heaven, just finished eating a fantastic meal Sylvia had prepared. A large pot of spaghetti mixed with one incredible sauce thick and rich, filled with chunky tomatoes mixed in with a tomato based paste, built up from there with perfect Italian sausage, ground beef, mushrooms galore, red and green bell peppers, onions, garlic, zucchini, and a herb mix out of this world. She baked from scratch, to die for garlic biscuits and made the most incredible salad with a warm tangy bacon salad dressing. He was full after two servings and now he lay relaxed with his evening comfort wear on. Gym briefs, socks and a tank top that Sylvia couldn't help but appreciate him in. Keeping her eyes off of him was quite the challenge, until he leaned to the left and cut one.
"Daddy you know what you did!" Angela laughed holding her nose.
"Shawn! You need to check yo' britches after that! God almighty, what – you need an enema?" Sylvia asked as she and Angela looked at each other, nodding that he most certainly did need one.
"Why is it that the man always gets the blame? And besides, you fed me!" He informed her grinning, never taking his eyes off of his man, playing his game, refusing to let them break his concentration, he'd been at it for the last half an hour, moving up two levels, he was gonna conquer this game if it was the last thing he did that day.
"Yeah right! I can see now you got me down for a sure thing, once they start fartin' – that's it!" She shook her head, folding up the last load of clothes, giving Angela a pile of her things to carry up to her room.
They'd been back for two days from his parents, following Derrick who brought Angela with them. Derrick and family spent the day with them there, listening to Shawn's plans for the new house, and Meribel and Sylvia going over her ideas for turning her home into a bed and breakfast. The two women having so much in common from their past had no trouble at all fitting into an easy comfortable friendship. Sylvia had forgotten how nice it was to have someone to talk to about so many things. She and Meribel could talk about anything, that included Shanna as well, who was supposed to be coming the following week. Sylvia couldn't believe her luck in finding out that Shanna upholstered furniture and did custom designs in draperies and furniture. It seemed they would have plenty of help getting the project of a new home and a bed and breakfast underway.
That morning, Shawn received the phone call from family services. All of his equipment and things had been checked and cleared. He went to the court house, was further briefed, collected his computer, laptop and personal home movies happy to hear that he could sleep in the same house with his daughter again. He had to set up counselling for himself and her while she was with him. Upon his return… Sylvia had an incredible meal waiting for him. She and Angela spent the day getting one of the extra bedrooms set up for her at her house. Sylvia was struggling with suddenly having to give up so much of her space so soon. There was no problem with Angela, the problem was with Shawn. He wanted to move in. His idea was to first get their home built across the road, and he'd move in with her. Once it was done, they could all move across the road and he would then get started on the house for the bed and breakfast, saying that many things he could do while they were living in it. Again, a miniature tiff had arisen.
"Are you wanting us to get married and start our family now or not?!" He'd asked brusquely.
"Why can't we do the bed and breakfast first… and then the house."
"Either way it goes, we're going to have to live together Sylvia! Let's get our home built and finished first, we move in… then we can focus on here, and invest whatever is necessary and then open for the season next year."
"I suppose… that makes sense." She gave in. Everything was happening so quickly. She was back and forth between being madly in love with him, to grieving over her lost independence. She had to shake herself because of the thoughts, of – 'Was it not just last summer, that I was totally alone, and completely happy to be? Doing my own thing, didn't have to ask anyone, anything?'
"What's wrong?" He asked, enclosing her within both of his arms as he braced against the kitchen counter, pinning her in place with her back against the counter as she tried not to look into his eyes. She had her right hand gripping his left forehand, trying to push it to free herself. He wasn't moving, she wasn't even going to try to get past him, neither did she feel like ducking beneath his arm so she finally looked up at him.
"Will you let me out?" She asked tiredly.
"What's wrong with you?" He repeated keeping her there before him.
"Shawn… can I keep something to myself for once? Why do you have to know everything that's going on in my head?! Sometimes I want to share it, sometimes I don't."
"What is wrong with us sharing everything? If there is something that keeps you from me, I want to know what it is. I'm gonna be your husband, you're gonna be my wife-…"
"You don't have to keep telling me that. I know – okay – everyday I wake up – that day is coming closer and closer. There's no need for you to keep reminding me."
Shawn leaned there staring into her eyes, hurt by her words, stunned that she could be so callous concerning something that he couldn't help but look forward to. His mind was working, thinking, he refused to move, to free her from the counter. "What are you afraid of? Why are you afraid? I mean, you are in love with me aren't you? Don't you want this?"
Sylvia laid her head back stretching her slender neck before him, she felt her body grow weak, wanting to sink to her knees, she so badly wished to be left alone. She felt as if he were smothering her. No matter how fast she moved to adjust, he wanted her to adjust faster, now! His speed. She whimpered. "Shawn please… just leave me alone. Why is that so hard for you to do? We're engaged, I'm wearing your ring. I'm pregnant with your child, and I have temporary custody of your other one. I've met your family, our marriage is right around the corner, and now – you're moving in… be happy Shawn… you've got things just the way you want them."
He went silent again, this time for so long Sylvia had to look at him, look into his eyes. She knew the way she sounded to him, but there was so much starting to build up around her now since their whole relationship began, she felt as if she had no control over anything in her life any more.
"You're not in love with me are you? You really aren't."
"Shawn! Don't start! I do… I am – in love with you."
"Then what's this about? I'm trying to make things right. I'm trying to make everything happen in a way that you can be happy with. Yet – you're not happy. It must be me."
"Shawn! Listen to me…" Sylvia took a deep breath trying to think, trying to find the words to use to make him understand. "Look… my plans were different from this. I guess, it's just that – well – I'm trying to let it all go. I mean… I get a bit irritated because here it is – another day – I haven't written a thing. Do you know that I haven't done any of my writing for over two weeks now. Nothing… I don't have time anymore. I'm suddenly smack dab right in the middle of a family again. I'm suddenly right back, to putting everything I've always wanted to do… to the back burner again. I went from making all the necessary sacrifices, and putting my children's needs first, and getting my life in order so that when they left, I could then do what I've always wanted to do. Armundo died, and I was left alone. I got used to it. I became independent and realized, now was my time. Then here you come, grinning and turning my perfect world upside down." She sighed. "I was … I was content… and…. now… once again… I can't go back. I can't undo what – you've done to my life."
"I thought I made you happy Sylvia?" He asked it so pitifully she melted.
"You doooo… its just that – see, that's why I didn't want to tell you!" She snapped irritated. "Leave me alone and let me work it out in my head. Sometimes, there are things wrong, that I feel I need to fix myself… I may not always share what's wrong with me, with you, to fix it for me, and because of that… I try not to tell you. This situation is my problem and I have to make it right for me." She said, only she knew the double meaning to it all.
"Surely you can't expect me to ignore that there's something wrong with my wife? I can't help wanting to know. When I see you like this, it makes me feel that you regret being with me. That you're sorry you ever let me into your life. That you're sorry I got you pregnant, and sorry that your life is now totally off from what you planned. That – going through my head, makes me feel that this is all about me, what I want and not about you, about what you want. Basically… you scare me Sylvia. I can't help but feel that you are going to discover somewhere along the way, that you don't want me or what I'm trying to build for us." He admitted with his heart pounding, all he wanted was Sylvia. Sylvia to be happy, Sylvia to laugh, Sylvia to smile, Sylvia to want what he wanted, Sylvia to love him just as much as he loved her.
Sylvia inhaled and let it out slowly.
"Shawn… I know that I can't go back to how I use to be…not now… you've made a mark on my life that cannot be ignored." She said.
"Well thanks Sylvia… thanks a lot, boy does that feel good to know." He complained sarcastically.
"Oh come on Shawn… I don't mean it the way it comes out. I mean, I can't imagine going forward without you now."
"I hope to GOD that you can't! I know what my life was before I had you. I'm trying to do things right for you Sylvia, I swear to God I am. I'll tell you what. Now that Angela and I can be together in the same house and I can be alone with her, we'll leave you to yourself for a while. And… and I'll give you a whole day if you need it. To be alone, to write, whatever it is you need to do. Or – or maybe an hour or two everyday… that will be your time… how's that?"
"And when the baby comes? Then what?"
"No different. I'll take the baby, Angela and we'll get out of your hair for two hours a day. Whatever you feel you need."
Sylvia felt like a heal, that old fashioned sense of being a wife and mother kicked up, and she just could not bring herself to put it all on him. She knew she had to accept the change that was taking place in her life. "Oh Shawn. That's so nice of you, but I know better. You're not going to be able to keep that up every day with having to meet with your deadlines. With all that we have to get done. Let's just… agree on a give and take when needed. I know that now I have to go back to scheduling my time. We'll work together because I don't want this to turn out always one sided, with you having to adjust to make me happy. I know I need to let go… not of everything… but some things. Just my knowing that you're willing to give me the time I need when I need it, is good enough right now… okay?"
"You sure?"
"Yes…I'm sure. Just give me some time to deal with it all okay? Stop overreacting to my mood swings. Sometimes I may go down a bit, but I can usually pick myself up out of it."
He pulled her to him and hugged her. "Just as long as I know that you love me. I can deal with the mood swings… just… just never leave me Sylvia… that's all I ask."
She hugged him back tightly, her face pressed against his chest, "I'll always love you, as much as you love me, that's what I promise." She declared. He held her tightly as he signed wondering how in the hell did he ever get hold of such a woman as Sylvia Payne? Never in his life had he to work so to keep a woman, if things didn't go his way, he usually just walked away. It had usually been the women who worked hard to keep him, who regretted doing anything to turn him off. Holding her, he knew it was not the same… Sylvia would sooner tell him to kiss her ass before she begged him. He knew that she loved him, but she would not give him the satisfaction of obtaining her very soul. He knew it was a terrible thought, but that's what he wanted… her very soul… because she sure as hell had his.
Sylvia held onto him, knowing of course what she explained was only part of the problem. Jake was the other part. She was just glad to be home, feeling her heart speed up as Shawn kissed her forehead and lowered himself to kiss her mouth. With her eyes closed, she tested what she knew about her man, no doubt now that it was him who kissed her. She knew her Shawn. This was the kiss that stirred her, not the one that Jake had forced on her the second night at Shawn's parents.
She'd been so happy and carefree, letting Shanna and Meribel talk her into playing twilight hide and seek. They'd all been having such a good time, dancing by the bon fire, laughing and joking until she let her guard down after spending the day avoiding him like the plague. The entire family was out in the yard except for Shawn's parents who were on the front porch, talking and enjoying the evening, laughing at their antics when the siblings and grandchildren initiated the game. She had said she didn't wish to play, but they talked her into it. An area was charted out, and no one could hide beyond it's perimeter. Shawn had whispered in her ear that he was going to find her in her hiding place and have his wicked way with her, she'd laughed and taunted, "No way." She'd dashed quickly away from him and made a few circles to lose him, thanks to Angela distracting him, it worked. She'd made her way into the dark vehicle barn, hiding in a corner behind one of the four-wheelers. Someone else had entered, and was moving towards her. Laughing to herself, she fought to stay quiet, wondering how was it that he found her so quickly. Then she heard him very softly whisper, "Where are you?" It had sounded so much like Shawn. Giggling she'd whispered back, "You'll have to find me." Looking forward to him finding her, she'd stayed put, snickering and laughing as he stumbled and fumbled around to find her. She had been unable to see him, but she'd heard him as he'd made his way to her, the moment he'd felt around locating her, he'd pinned her against the wall and his mouth was on hers in an instant. A powerfully aggressive kiss that shocked her, because from the moment he'd pressed against her, she knew. This was not Shawn kissing her. Panicking, Sylvia shoved at him with all of her might, but he clung, trying to press his body against hers, holding her to him as he ravaged her mouth. She twisted her face away, and began slapping at him.
"Stop it Jake! Let me go!" She hissed angrily, hitting him and struggling to break free.
"Please… come on come on now… give me just a little kiss-…"
She slapped him as hard as she could, mis-judging his height – it was just a clip on the chin, but enough for him to know she meant it. He let her go and stepped aside laughing at her as she rushed from the building, as far from him as she could get. She went straight to his parent's front porch, slowing down to get control of her rioting emotions, she didn't want anyone to see her shaking as she calmed herself once she was in view of them.
"Sylvia, you okay?" His mother asked noticing the look on her face. Sylvia forced a smile, breathless, unable to speak, she nodded an affirmative then turned and sat on the steps before them. "Given up on the game already hm?" Shawn's father had asked. Sylvia nodded again, then forced herself to speak. "Yeah… it's too dark, can't see. I don't like playing in the dark." She returned. Yes, she knew Shawn. Didn't matter how dark, didn't matter if she couldn't see. She knew how he felt. Knew the smell of him, the scent of him, the height and size of him. She knew his moves, how he would touch her, hold her, kiss her. When kissed by him, she knew the taste of him. She placed her arms up over his shoulders and went to her tip toes to kiss him more deeply, more passionately, forcing Jakes bold act from her mind.
Angela stood in the hallway corner relieved, watching them, she couldn't bear the thought of them not making it. When they were arguing, it had shaken her. She decided she would do her part, she never wanted Sylvia regretting letting her come to live with them. Angela loved it there. She loved her father's family, and Sylvia was the nicest lady she'd ever met. She could ask for no one better as a stepmother. Smiling, she backed away into her room to finish arranging it before dinner, leaving them kissing in the kitchen. She had small pangs of conscience when it came to her mother. She realized that she should be missing her but she didn't. When she had been with her, there were many days that went by when she wouldn't see her because she was working, out doing whatever. To come home when she was about to get into bed, then she would come in, check on her, awkwardly trying to find something for them to talk about. Yet with Sylvia, since she'd been with her, all they did was talk and laugh. They did things together. Sylvia showed her how to keep up her room and explained why it was important that she learned to do it for herself. They went through catalogs discussing and planning how they would decorate her room. She told her funny stories about her kids, about her daughter Crystal and her son, Mundo. she couldn't wait to meet them, and to meet her grandsons. Sylvia even let her help cook dinner, showing her what to do, and how to do it. Sylvia let her plan their whole weeks menu, explaining that it had to be healthy and nutritious for all – but she could choose what they had for lunch and dinner. Tomorrow, they were going grocery shopping to get all the things they would need to cook the menu she planned. Sylvia also said if she ended up living with them permanently, she could have a dog, her father had also agreed – Angela never wanted to leave her new home.
That night, they both came in the room with her after she showered, put on her night clothes and climbed into bed. Her dad sat next to her, and Sylvia at the end of the bed.
"Don't you think before you hit the sack for the night, you should maybe call your mom, see how she's doing?" Shawn asked. Angela looked at Sylvia as if she expected her to be offended by that.
"Is that okay with you Sylvia?" She asked.
"Of course it is sweetheart. She's your mother, that will always be. Angela, no one – that includes me, should come before your mother to you. She is the reason you live, if for no other reason, you owe her a certain level of respect and consideration. Call her, check on her, tell her you're okay. See if she's okay – that you love her."
Angela nodded, leapt from the bed and went into the kitchen, they followed her out and went into the living room as she dialled her number. A moment later they heard her talking but couldn't make out what she was saying. She walked into the living room holding the cordless phone and clicked it off with her thumb. "They said my mother moved out days ago." She looked from her father to Sylvia for what to do.
"Call her cell phone pumkin'." Shawn advised.
She did and waited holding the phone to her ear.
"Hi mom, it's me."
"Oh Angela… how are you? I miss you. Do you miss me?"
"Ummm, yeah… kinda…I ummm, just wanted to see if you were okay? I'm okay. I've been having a lot of fun. I've been to my grandma's and grandpa's. I was with Uncle Derrick and Tia Meribel, I've been doing all kinds of stuff."
"Oooh, well… that's good. And… so… you're okay? Okay… staying there?"
"Yeah… I like it here. I like it a lot. Are you gonna let me stay?"
"Did your father put you up to this?" Deidre asked, hurt already.
"Nooo… he just told me to call you, to see if you were okay."
"Yeah, sure he did. I just bet. I've been looking for a place, and I found one. It's perfect for you and I… once I get furniture in there-…"
"Why can't I just stay here?"
"What about me Angela? I'm all alone. At least your father has Sylvia… and they're having a baby soon I imagine… you should be with me."
Sylvia and Shawn could both see the regret cross Angela's features for calling her. She wasn't saying much, but the look on her face told them plenty. Shawn held his hand out for the phone, Angela passed it to him and turned, running into her room. Sylvia stood and followed her.
"Deidre… it's me."
"YOU! You… why must you have everything!? You have your new life with Sylvia… the least that you could do is leave me with my daughter!"
"She's my daughter too Deidre! Come on… you know as well as I do, that she is better off with me."
"Well I'm not so sure about that!" She snapped, about to burst into tears.
"Deidre, this is not about you… this is not about me… it's about our daughter and what's best for her. Here, she's a happy little girl, living a happy little girls life. With you, she's alone. Take this time to get a life of your own."
"MY DAUGHTER IS MY LIFE! I love her!"
"I know you do Deidre. You can see her any time you wish, but leave her with me… where she will have the kind of life she deserves." Shawn was determined to be calm about it, knowing how difficult this was for her.
She was quiet, silently crying and then unable to help herself, "I didn't know Shawn, that my mother had been after you. I didn't know that she maliciously worked to destroy us-…"
"Deidre stop-…"
"…-I didn't know… all the things… I know – now… Shawn… I didn't know… this is killing me-…"
"Please don't do this to yourself." He whispered, not wanting Sylvia to know what was being said.
"Why didn't you tell me… why didn't you let me know-…"
"I'm gonna hang up if you continue talking about it." He threatened.
"How can you not love me at least a little? I had your daughter – I – I didn't know Shawn-…"
"I have to go." He clicked it off.
He stood from the sofa and looked through the house towards the hallway and the room where Angela and Sylvia had gone to. Walking back to the kitchen, he hung the phone up and returned to Angela's bedroom. Sylvia was laying on the bed with her back to the wall next to Angela , rubbing her back as she lay on her stomach, face hidden in her folded arms. Sylvia glanced up at him in the doorway. He stood a moment staring at them, at Sylvia, trying to imagine not being with her, going back to Deidre…and he couldn't see it. It would not materialize in his mind. Not even his vivid imagination could conjure a happy family scene with him and Deidre. While it bothered him that she hurt so badly, he could not change this course that he'd taken. She'd been wrong, he did love her… Deidre… but he was not in love with her. He loved her as he did his sisters, as he would any family member. The love he felt inside for Sylvia… was different. She made his stomach ache. Made him weak in the knees. Made him fear tomorrow without her. She held, gripped tightly in her hand the ability to twist him into knots. Deidre left him and hurt his pride. If Sylvia left him, it would cut him in two.
"You okay?" She asked him, still rubbing Angela's back.
"Yeah." He answered walking to the bed, sitting on the other side of his daughter.
"Pum'kin'?"
Angela turned teary eyes his way.
"Are you absolutely sure, this is where you wish to be? Your mother is really hurting right now."
"I'm sorry daddy… I don't mean to hurt anyone… but… I wanna stay with you. With you and Sylvia. I'll visit her, she can visit me… but I wanna live here."
Shawn sighed deeply, stroked her hair. "Stop crying, get under the covers now." He ordered, lifting himself to shift them so she could crawl under. Sylvia rose and crawled from the bed, to stand next to Shawn as he tucked his daughter in.
"Somehow, some way… we'll work it out, okay Pum'kin'?"
She nodded her head, Shawn bent down and kissed her forehead, "I love you."
"I love you too daddy… goodnight. Goodnight Sylvia."
"Goodnight sweety." She leaned forward and kissed her forehead as well, they both left the room, closing the door behind them.
Sylvia went into the kitchen and put the dishes away, wiping down her counter tops, polishing her stainless steel appliances and stove top, checking things over before she clicked off the light. Shawn stood in the bedroom doorway watching her. The living room was next, straightening up as she went, and then through the sitting area by the fireplace picking up along the way, heading for the basement door, that's where he grabbed her arm.
"Hey… leave it for tomorrow."
"I can't, won't take but a moment to straighten up down there, then I'll be right up to bed."
"The lights are off down there, I turned them off. The T.V. is off, everything is fine… come to bed." Shawn coaxed.
"I always check the house over before I go to bed Shawn." She whispered, a bit desperate.
"My future wife, are you a bit anal about cleaning?" He pulled her into his arms.
"No I'm not! But you never know… what if someone broke in – in the night, they're not catching my house a mess!"
Shawn tossed his head back laughing out loud. "Someone comes in here, the least they'll have to worry about is how messy this place is, and believe me – it will be messy by the time I'm through with their ass!"
"It's not the thief I'm concerned about Shawn, its the police… they gonna be looking around thinking, em hm, see how they are."
"Silly woman. Come to bed now. Come on…leave it." He pulled her into the room and closed the door.
"Did you check to make sure all the doors were locked Shawn? The one in the basement too?" She asked nervously biting into her lip.
"Be right back." He announced and went and checked all the doors, the windows, checked on Angela and returned to find Sylvia in bed waiting for him. "House is all secure madam." He announced and climbed in between the sheets with her, clicking off the bedside lamp, plunging them into darkness. "Come here." He ordered. Sylvia moved to him and felt his wonderful arms surround her. Snuggling in close, she decided… maybe his constant presence wasn't so bad after all.
Chapter 51
"I don't want you here tonight… I think I want to be alone for once. Please go home." Doris announced suddenly to Jake. Who was lounging in the living room of her double wide mobile home, flicking channels with one hand while sipping a beer from the other. Doris wasn't rich, but she had money in the bank. Her children were in college and she'd left her husband for Jake. As she stood over him, she knew that it was the biggest mistake of her life, but the deed had been done. She had no excuse for her stupid act other than the fact that it went to her head to have a man like Jake pursuing her. There was after all, nothing special in her looks. She knew that, had always known it. So she'd settled early in her life knowing the odds of her ever finding Mr. Right looking as she did was nil. With thin blonde hair, that never seemed able to grow past her shoulders, plain flat features with a broad nose and no chin, slopping into a thick neck. Her figure, something else she never had, flat rear, squared high hips and sloping back with large breasts pretty much told her she'd best grab the first man that came her way. She had. They'd been married for 16 years, he was a foreman at the lumber company, made excellent money and she should have been content with that. Had been content until Jake started flirting with her.
He'd swept her off of her feet. Charmed and bedazzled her, made her walk out on her marriage so she could supplement his habits and break his moments of boredom. He'd never been faithful in their entire six year relationship. If anyone had asked her why she'd stayed with him for so long, she didn't know what she would say. All she knew was that the extent of her humiliation at his hands was building to the choking point.
"Shhh! I'm watching T.V. shut up!"
"No I will not shut up! Go home Jake!"
He sat and continued flicking through the channels as if she hadn't spoken.
"JAKE – GO – HOME!"
"Shut the fuck up! I'm watching T.V.!"
"You are such an asshole Jake… I don't know why I put up with your shit!" She whined then went to her kitchen table and plopped down in a chair, grabbed her cigarettes that were laying on the table and lit one up. Crossing her legs, she shook her foot, blowing out smoke.
"You treat me like crap Jake. You get some sick pleasure out of humiliating me at every turn. I'm getting sick of it. You don't even have the decency to hide what you're doing. Right in my face with it as if you dare me to say something. Well I'm saying something now… I've had enough Jake. I want out. I don't need this shit from you."
"So what are you saying? You want me to go? Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes! I want you to go."
"Yeah right… why? Hm? What's the problem now?"
"You know what the problem is Jake! Don't play dumb like you don't know what I'm getting at!"
"If I knew what you were getting at, I wouldn't ask now would I?" He stood from the sofa and walked over to the table. He wasn't wearing a shirt and Doris' eyes darted from him to the floor, trying not to look at him. Trying not to respond to his sudden move towards her. He knelt before her, looking up into her eyes. "Talk to me… what'd I do wrong this time?"
"The same thing that you always do Jake! The minute a new piece of ass shakes before you, you have to go after it."
"I beg your pardon… where do I sleep every night? Right here, don't I?" He asked her.
"Yeah, but its what you're up to during the day that's the problem."
"I work during the day…clearing land, cutting down trees, splitting wood and building face cords. So what are you talking about?"
"Maybe so Jake, but the minute there's a new face in town, you find a way to slink off and play!"
"You know what your problem is Doris… you're ungrateful! I don't have to come here every night. I have a place to lay my head. I come here, to be with you, to lie with you, because this is where I wanna to be. You think you're the only woman who wants me? No way… but I walk away from them and I come to you! They know I come to you, all of them do, what's my reward? Please go home Jake! Well let me tell you something… no matter what you say I do – all I can think about is getting back here to you. You gonna throw away six years of what we have together – all because you think I'm up to something. Fine… that's your choice… but if I walk out that door… I'm out of it for good."
He stood to look for his shirt.
"Well why do you always have to flirt with other women in front of me. Treating me like I wasn't there?!"
"Now you know me! You know I'm just kiddin' around. Don't mean nothing by it. I thought you knew me by now. Haven't I proven who I wanna be with? Who have I been with the longest? You! Why you think that is?!" He asked leaning over her shoulder, bracing one hand on the back of her chair, using the other to tilt her face up to look at him.
"I sometimes wonder that myself."
"'Cause I wanna be with you."
"Then why are you trying to get Sylvia?"
"Sylvia?! Is she what this is all about?"
"I seen you Jake, seen you watching her! Seen you lusting after her! I saw the way your eyes followed her when she was dancing by the bonfire!"
"She wasn't the only one dancing, Meribel was dancing, Shanna was dancing, the kids were dancing… I was just enjoying them all."
"You was looking at her and you know it! Watching the way she moves. I'm not stupid… if you thought you could get into her bed, you'd be there… to hell with Shawn."
"You're wrong…I wasn't looking at her at all."
"What about in that garage with all the carts. I saw you follow her in there, then a few minutes later she came running out wiping her hand across her mouth. You kissed her! I know you did."
"So what if I did. Just curious is all… just wanting to know what all the fuss was about. I can tell you now, I ain't missing nothing. I got what I want…right here. Maybe I do hit on a few here and there… but the minute I get a taste, don't mean a thing… it just makes me sure of what I got right here." He bent towards her and kissed her carefully. Doris turned her head away, feeling like a fool. But he wouldn't leave her, he kept saying all the things she needed to hear, touching her the way no man ever had. Feeling crazy and emotional, she let him lead her off to bed. There he gave her all the reasons she needed as a reminder of why she kept him. When he made love to her, he made her feel beautiful, he made her feel special, made her feel as if no woman could ever do for him what she did, and she reciprocated – taking him into her mouth, adoring the immense size of him. He was her white stallion. The hell with everyone else, at the end of the day… he lay in her bed. No one had held him as long as she had, and if for no other reason than that… she would be proud.
Jake lay smoking a cigarette, Doris was turned on her side away from him softly snoring.
His eyes narrowed peering through the lifting smoke. For weeks and weeks, if not months he'd heard all about Sylvia… Shawn's new intended. Hadn't paid it much attention, because after all… he'd said several times he was coming home. There was no reason to believe he would this time. But he had, and with him – he'd pulled up with a dazzling black mare. He couldn't get those black eyes out of his mind. To actually see her standing there in his mother's kitchen threw him for a loop. He wasn't sure what he had expected upon seeing her, but the woman he saw took him by surprise. He couldn't believe that she had been living in Camp Daniels before Shawn had arrived from California. All the times he'd visited the bar there, gone to that co-op, stopped by that post office, visited his friends there… she'd been living there. Just sitting and waiting to be plucked.
He closed his eyes and could still smell the scent of her. She smelled good. Clean. She tasted even better. The feel of her. He took a deep drag of his cigarette, thinking about Shawn's girlfriends. He'd had just about all of them. The main one that brought him the most pleasure was Cassie Gentry. The one and only girl Shawn had really liked, had been serious about. Jake smiled. "Yep… I fucked her good." He grinned. He'd slipped in right beneath his brothers nose and had his girl when he hadn't even had her himself yet. She'd been a virgin and he'd taken her virginity. They'd had quite the fight over her. Shawn in the end told him he could have her, that he didn't want her anyway. He'd laughed and said, he already had her, that he was done… that he was welcome to her. Silly little twat tried to commit suicide over it.
Jake shook his head laying there. She was weak, and had been an easy conquest. Pretty much like all the others. He turned over and put his cigarette out in the ash tray on the floor next to the bed. He wondered how long it would take him to get Sylvia Payne into bed? Sweet thing about her, she was already pregnant… no chance of him getting her that way if she already was. It wouldn't be the first time he'd have one of his brother's pregnant women. He rather liked getting it on with pregnant women, they were tight, and he got such a thrill out of slipping in and getting it on with because they were considered untouchable, but they were very touchable. The best kind… no chance of his seed growing in a field already full to capacity.
He smiled as he dozed off planning his next move.
* * *
"I can't believe you humiliated yourself that way! What's wrong with you?" Terra asked Deidre as she lay on her sofa, stretched out on her back with her cell phone in hand on her stomach, the other hand across her eyes.
"I don't think he – he ever really loved me. He couldn't have… he – he couldn't have." Deidre sobbed softly.
"Jesus Deidre… I feel so bad for you. Come on girlfriend… you gotta snap out of this."
"I'm trying… God knows I'm trying. I keep seeing him in my mind. You don't know Terra… you just don't know. He was… he was – everything to me."
"It's over Deidre… there's no way to get that back! You have to let go!"
"I KNOW!!!" Deidre sat up suddenly, turning to face her friend, still gripping the phone. "Don't you think I know that!? I can't help the way I feel! I can't help the thoughts that go through my head! I can't help but know… that my wicked and ugly family… tore from me the one thing that I should have left them for! That's what gets to me, I let them tear us apart! He told me not to go! He told me… not to do this! But – I thought… I thought… I don't know what I thought." With elbows on her knees she sat with the heel of her hand holding her forehead, sniffing and wiping at her nose.
"You shouldn't have signed that lease. That's the last place you need to be living right now." Terra spoke up from across the room.
Deidre was silent, lost in thought. Minutes went by as she sat there… saying nothing. "How about some tea?" Terra asked.
Deidre nodded a yes but was still quiet. Thinking about her father at work that day. Calling her into his office, trying to get to her sign over her interest of the family business, saying that it would be the perfect way to get back at her mother for what she'd done to her. Deidre had only stood staring at him. Now, all of a sudden, the blinders were completely down. She saw them for what they really were.
"Terra." She called to her friend.
"Yeah." She answered from the kitchen.
Deidre stood and walked into the expensively decorated room, Terra was a chef…and a damn good one.
"If anything should ever happen to me… an accident… anything… don't let my family get me."
"What? What are you saying now?" Terra asked stunned.
"I don't trust them. Either of them. My father or my mother. She had my child aborted."
"What are you talking about Deidre?"
"When Shawn and I split, I was pregnant with his second child. I told my mother, the next day… I was laying in the hospital, in a private wing, no longer pregnant. I don't know all of how she pulled it off, but she made sure I didn't have another one of his children."
"Oh my God… you poor thing. I thought you miscarried."
"No… she did that. Don't you see, they are capable of anything. I get a feeling… that suddenly, I'm not safe."
"Oh Deidre…"
Deidre stood with tears in her eyes, they rolled as she looked at her friend. "Just…" She reached up and wiped her eyes, "Just… if… anything should happen… don't let them get me. If there's a breath left in my body… don't… don't let them get me."
"Oooh Deidre… come on, don't be crazy… you're talking out of depression because of Shawn and all of that."
"Maybe so… but I'm going to write out a power of attorney to you. I'm not going to go into work tomorrow, I'm going to get that documented just in case… something tells me, my life is about to change… for better or for the worse… I have to accept my lot in life. My father did not want me to move out of that mansion. As if he needed to keep tabs on me. He's a very greedy man. The two of them, the pair together… no… let's face it… he might as well be the devil and she -…"
Terra stood staring, not knowing what to say… or what to do.
"Anyway… will you do that for me? If I'm ever in a situation where I can't speak for myself… I need you to watch over me… to make sure they don't get me. Please… please don't let them – get me." She began sobbing.
"Oh my god." Terra cried and went to her friend, who sank to the floor sobbing, feeling more alone in the world than ever in her life. "Don't you worry… we'll get that done first thing in the morning… first thing."
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