Host: Tarah Scott
This next guest is Editor-in-Chief of Etopia Press, Annie Melton. I recently became acquainted with Annie when she contracted my first big book romance. I chose Etopia Press for this book because I love their covers! And because they publish smart fiction of all genres. It was clear to me Etopia Press was a publisher to watch, which meant I wanted to get in on the ground floor. Lucky me! Annie's giving away a $50 Gift Certificate to Amazon, so be sure to say hi.
I think Santa’s following me.
I know it sounds nuts. It is nuts. But just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
There he is again—don’t turn around! He’ll see you! Just look natural.
Over there. By the 50% OFF ALL CRUELTY-FREE CHRISTMAS ORNAMENTS sign. The guy with the dreadlocks and Birkenstocks with organic hemp socks. See him?
I know, he doesn’t look like Santa. But trust me–this is the Pacific Northwest. It’s the perfect cover.
The guy’s been following me all day. I saw him at the Christmas tree lot, too. Dude was so committed to not breaking his cover that he even bought a tree—a 7-footer, a real spendy little number in a red stand. Pre-lit. Local Douglas Fir. Tied it to the top of the Prius and took off before I even left the lot with my little Charley Brown needle-dropper.
I thought nothing of it until I saw him again at the Rite Aid “buying decorations.” You know, standing in the ornament aisle trying to blend in while I sifted through the Bargain Bin for my box of Ten Gifts for $9.99. I stepped over to the foot care section and pretended to look at the fungus cream—not that I need it!—and before you could say Bob’s your uncle, there it was. The smell of Patchouli. I nonchalantly glanced around the spin-rack of odor-free insoles and saw him looking at the all-natural home pedicure kits. The kind with renewable tree-pulp loofas and natural Klamath, Oregon pumice.
Pumice. Not so different from… coal.
I know, it sounds crazy. But I’m tellin’ ya, he’s Santa. See the beard? And he’s trying to serve me with my lump of coal.
OK, I’ll come clean. I’m on the naughty list. Shhh! Don’t say it out loud! I know, it’s a shock. Nice girl like me, pays her traffic tickets on time, never drinks more than a fifth of Jack Daniels at a time, always a dime to spare –sometimes a whole quarter—for the Salvation Army kettle on the corner. I know, right? How many other people can say that it? But it wasn’t always that way. Once, a long time ago… I cheated on a social studies test. I copied the five major exports of Pacu Imu from Cindy Cinderman: wheat, soybeans, iron ore, plastic sunglasses, and artificial Christmas trees. (I know. I bet Cindy Cinderman didn’t remember those either). And Santa’s been trying to serve me ever since.
There he goes. Don’t look! OK, look, but don’t gawk, for crying out loud. There, by the register. He’s looking at the Starbucks gift cards. Waiting. Probably got his elves out by the Dumpsters waiting to see if I slip out the back. But I’m not gonna let him get me. No siree. I’ve stapled my stocking shut and I’m heading out through the skylight.
Coal? We don’t need no stinkin coal! See ya, Santa! Better luck next year!
NOW LEAVE A COMMENT TO BE ELIGIBLE FOR THE $50 AMAZON GIFT CERTIFICATE
LOL! Great to learn more about Etopia Press–I've heard some good things about this one 🙂 Thanks for the fun, Annie!
f dot chen at comcast dot net
For serious Santa is a stalker–he exhibits all the classic signs right? He knows what you like (and don't like), he gives you presents you don't ask for, he tends to show up in pictures when you least expect it, intrudes on family get togethers and eats all your sweets!
You should look into hiring some hot bodyguards to help keep you safe and since you don't want to have a fireplace around (why give Santa such an easy in?), you'll need help staying warm during the winter too!
LOL, I'd love to see Santa in dreadlocks – take his shirt off and throw some shorts on him and he will fit in real good here in south texas – LOL
Merry Christmas!
Ssshhh – I wont tell Santa you were naughty if you don't tell him I was too – LOL
Ronda Tutt
mrsqueentutt@yahoo.com
Are you kidding, Ronda? He KNOWS you’re naughty.
LOL! Thank you, Etopia Press & Coffe Time Romance blog for this awesome post. I loved it! It's great to hear from the publishers every now and then as a reader. 😉 sacredmoon1(at)gmail(dot)com
Thanks Fedora! Nice to meet you! And See? It's totally not just me. Lexie knows it's creepy when someone sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. And Yeah, Ronda, don't worry, you're secret's safe with me. He'll never get me to talk… 😉
Annie 🙂
Thanks for the post that's made me more paranoid than I already was. LOL. Thanks too for the awesome giveaway!
joderjo402 AT gmail DOT com
And yeah, that would be me using my managing editor's account! 🙂 She'll be in and out, too!
Annie
You crack me up Annie!
Merry Christmas Tarah and Annie!
Mary Christmas to you, Jianne!
OMG! Too funny! Kind of hate to say it, but some of the Santas I've seen this year have been just plain creepy. Little kids obviously think so too, otherwise, why would so many of them be screaming their heads off while their parents are trying to push them on his lap?!? I have to admit, it's a lot funnier to watch when it's someone elses child. Okay, just add that to another naughty thing I've said. I am never gettting off the naughty list:)
Thanks DeAnna and Joder! Glad to be of service! 🙂 And Jianne, I'm totally serious. Honest.
Annie 🙂
I can tell you – Etopia Press rocks!
They sure do, Tristram.
How heart was that Santa sighting, the best so far I think
laineslite@gmail dot com
But, being naughty is so much more fun! You can't be good all the time!;-)
Pumice = coal! Who knew? And Santa is everywhere it seems 🙂
Merry Christmas!
Well, that Santa can be one scary dude, true dat, Annie! 😉 Not sure I fully appreciated the stalker aspect as a child 😉
f dot chen at comcast dot net
I see that Santa all the time– Laguna Beach version! LOL Baggies, hoodie, UGG boots. with the dreds. Have a great holiday!! *hugs* Tara
I would live to see Santa with dreadlocks! I can't believe he's following you. You better lose him. Etopia Press does have great covers. Thanks.
e.balinski(at)att(dot)net
Well thank heavens for this post! I thought I was the only person I knew on the naughty list. When my cousin saw my first book cover she informed me that it would be a very slim Christmas for me, clearly someone as naughty as I would never get a gift, save for a big fat lump of coal. But the shame is on her, she's begging me for a copy of the book. Ha ha on her. If she wants to read it she must buy it.
Thanks for the great post and Merry Christmas to all of you at Etopia.
The naughty girls always get the best gifts. That’s a trade secret Santa isn’t talking about.
Hey Tris! That's beause we have awesome authors like you, Tara, Jianne, TC Archer and Tarah Scott! 😉 Thanks Elaine, it's the truth, I swear. And Tara, I hear he summers in SoCal and LOVES Volley Balls! . And I'm SOO with you, Michelle–it's way more fun to be naughty! (looks around nervously to see if the kids saw that!)
Annie 😉
I will have to look for Santa on my way to work today.
Annie, thank you for the heads up. I'll never look at Santa the same. 😀 But I think Tarah has a point about naughty girls getting the best gifts.
Are we sure he's stalking her? It could that he's trying to deliver her "present" for being on the Naughty List? :-p
Quick, someone hide me before she sees this! She knows where I live! *hides behind Tara*
A ha! I was right! Although, I'm not gonna act as a distraciton for you. I'm small and you're tall therefore he'd spot you in a hot second. 'Specially since you're horns are showing.
Are you sure this delivery is just for that test and not for something else? *raises eyebrow*
Etopia has awesome book covers, and I'm such a sucker for a great cover. I hope Santa doesn't put coal into my stocking this year, even though this year's laundry list of dirty deeds far exceeds cheating on schoolwork. 😉 I like your gift way better than what Santa has in his back pocket!
Zee, FirePagesEditor@yahoo.com
I'm glad to know that I am not the only one on the naughty list this year. I hid my stocking so he can't leave me any coal. And I have trained my Pekinese to bite if anyone tries! LOL
Happy holidays
manning_j2004 at yahoo dot com
ROFL. I want one of those dogs, June.
"Annie's giving away a $50 Gift Certificate to Amazon, so be sure to say hi" So…Hi, Hello, Howdy, Hey, Greetings, etc. etc. *g*
Funny! I knew Santa was sneaky from the minute I was told he is into breaking and entering with that chimney deal!! Good luck with that skylight escape!
You’re on the case, Theresa!
It's ok, Annie. He's been following me, too. But I think it's cuz he got wind that I'm planning a story about a guy with a Santa kink. He doesn't want his secrets getting out, you see.
It would be nice to have Santa following me 🙂 I would drag him to a bookstore and point out all the books I want, plus all the digital ones as well. I'm sure his sled would get pretty full! I think Santa needs to spread his jolly cheer some more…he missed a spot. I went to the mall today (I know! How brave or silly of me and ran into a rude, sourface lady. I wasn't going to let her bring my mood down and wished HER a Merry Christmas. Ha, take that! That's what I love about books, I can lose myself in their world and meet some pretty wonderful characters. Hence my wish for books all the time. Merry Christmas everyone 🙂
You’ve come to the right place, Na!
LOL! Oh that was a fun post to read! Happy Holidays! 😀
Great post and Etopia Press is the greatest – it's official! Thank you Annie! Now, as for Santa the Stalker. I think this has great paranormal potential. Now where's my writer's ideas notebook? Let me see…Santa has an evil half brother called … ah, but that would be telling wouldn't it?
Happy holidays everyone xxx
Oh this was too good. I loved the part where you said you smelled patchuli. That is a scent you will never forget. Thanks for the laughs and that's the way to keep the coal out of your stocking.
Teresa K.
tcwgrlup41(at)yahoodotcom
LOL …Everyone knows Ronda is a naughty girl!! We have to stick together!! Hello Annie!! If your here I need to go and check out your site!! Thank you so much for the generous giveaway!!
viajeradelmar@aol.com
If naughty girls get the best gifts, I'm in for some awesome loot this year!!
lol love your post! 😉 make sure you play a little hard to get with santa. he may bring you better gifts. 😉 lol merry christmas! hope you have a wonderful day filled with tons of fun tomorrow!
shadowluvs2read(at)gmail(dot)com
Lol too funny! Wow and a great prize! Thanks so much for the laugh and chance. christina_92 at yahoo.com