Carrie walked into the back door of the station house and threaded her way through the trucks in the bay as she sent a text to Garrett. The idea of just walking into
the living area never made her comfortable. It felt like walking into someone’s house unannounced. A house full of men. It wasn’t just the chance she might see someone half undressed by accident. Worse would be running into John and whatever uncontrollable reaction she had when she did. The last week had been utter hell, every waking thought a struggle to focus on the present and stop daydreaming about him. Him making love to her, whispering to her. Him in her bed, him curled up sweetly next to her in the morning, arm wrapped around her.
Him leaving, without a word to her personally.
The bay was quiet, but the trucks were all parked in their spots, which meant the guys were either all doing busy work or filling time. The fire house always had busy work to be done, trucks to clean, equipment to check, the station house to keep stocked and in order, things to fill the down time when there were no calls. She hit send, then headed back toward the door, feeling odd standing around in the bay by herself.
Rounding the back of the pump truck, she uttered a small, shocked cry as she slammed full on into a wall. A thick, immoveable wall of bare, warm, chest muscle and two hard as steel arms to go with it.
If the familiar scent didn’t break through her shock, the low whisper managed to do it.
“Shh, it’s just me. What are you doing here?”
Without warning, she felt herself being yanked into him and pulled into a dark corner at the side of the truck. Letting go of all the reasons she should back away, apologize, turn, and leave, she allowed herself instead to sink into him. The tense stance melted from her, relief and anguish both flooded her, clouding her thoughts.
His skin felt warm and damp, and he smelled of soap. The momentary luxury of feeling him against her soothed the ache until she remembered where they were, who they were. Guts twisting, she tried to pull back, reminding herself this was not her place. John didn’t belong to her, and no matter the personal boundaries that had been crossed in their bed, as a man, he still officially occupied the slot as Garrett’s friend,
Garrett’s mentor. Lover or not, he’d packed up and left the cabin like they had barely shared anything but a few moments in a bed, and he hadn’t looked back.
Tears welled up. She turned her head away, trying to slide out from under his arms. Not letting go of her, he cupped her face and lifted her chin. Before she could take another breath and in the middle of the fire station truck bay, John captured her lips in a searing kiss that held the same pent-up energy that had simmered in her for nearly a week. He shook against her as he took her mouth, diving into her before he ripped himself away with a loud sigh.
“Sorry.”
He loosened his hold on her, looking around the side of the truck.
Sniffing as silently as she could, she willed the wetness not to spill, not to give away her state of mind. Anger welled that he so easily yanked her emotions back and forth. That he bounced between giving her everything and then taking it all back just as quickly.
But the anger didn’t stop her desire, her need, her wish to just stand here close to him, breathe him in again. Her fingers strayed to the placket of his uniform shirt, unbuttoned and hanging open. The ridges of his tight abs heaved slightly beneath it, and flashes of that smooth, tanned belly sliding against hers fired her blood. Her knuckles grazed his warm skin as she picked at a button absentmindedly. Blinking back more tears, she fought the urge to throw herself back into him. As much as he’d possessed her body sexually, all she wanted right now was his comfort, his steady calm. Words she couldn’t hear. To know he wasn’t just a piece of her past, an experience they had shared that was over and done with.
“Carrie? God I’m sorry I didn’t mean to . . . .”
She looked up, surprised at the roughness of his voice. The tears didn’t dissipate as she’d hoped, but at least they didn’t spill.
“Shit, you’re crying.” He looked confused, gauging if it was his actions that caused her flood.
“It’s not you. Not this, I mean. I””” She let out a hiccupping sigh. “I missed you. You just packed up and left.”
His eyes went wide, and instantly she felt his strong arms folding her back into his chest. He breathed into her hair, sheltering her head beneath his chin, wrapping his arms firmly around her.
“I didn’t know what to say, what’s in my head, I can’t”””
“Carrie! Fuck, John, what the hell are you doing?” Garrett asked in a harsh whisper. He’d come around the back of the truck and run smack into them, much the way she had John.
Her heart fell to the bottom of her stomach.
“She’s upset, Garrett.” John pulled her back to look in her face again.
“Let her go, John, someone might see you.”
John expelled a rough breath, one of those exasperated male warnings. He didn’t let her go. He wrapped one arm around her shoulders, using the other one to run through his hair in a frustrated tic. The odd reversal of their postures hit her; John held her protectively at his side, pulling her slightly back from Garrett while he leaned forward, his eyes dark and angry. Garrett leaned toward John, his eyes flashing and just as dark, looking like he was a hair’s breadth away from reaching out and yanking her away from him.
John shifted back on his feet, loosening his stance, giving his submission.
“I know that, dick head, but right now don’t you think whatever the fuck is wrong with her matters a little more? She’s upset. Christ, Garrett, you wanted this shit, now you want to pretend there’s not going to be any consequences to deal with?”
“I didn’t think it would mean you wrapped around my wife right here in the god damn truck bay! Where we fucking work!”
“Stop it! Both of you!” She yanked free of John and stepped back, glaring at them.
“You know I came to see you, Garrett. I ran into him, okay?”
Garrett sighed. A look of concern replaced his anger, but it didn’t stop the churning in her gut.
“I can’t stand this anymore! Garrett, you wanted this so much, and I warned you! I told you this might end up being complicated, and it is, okay? I can’t help it. I’m just not wired like you guys to forget about how this feels like it’s done and over when we climb out of bed. I already liked John, then you . . . you . . . .” She shook her head, looking around and realizing she was blaring out the most intimate details of their life and the tryst they had entered into to the entire empty””she hoped””truck bay.
His face set in a grim line, Garrett pulled her into him much the same way John had, and his solid comfort washed over her. He leaned back into the truck and surrounded her with his body.
“I know, I know. I’ve been watching you struggle with this all week. I could see you twisting up, but what pisses me off is you held it in, you didn’t talk to me. Maybe you need to tell me what’s going on in your head so we can deal with it.”
“I don’t know how to define what I want, but this means more to me than a weekend fling. I miss how I feel when we are all together. We never talked about where we would take things, but I don’t want this to be over.”
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