Written by Mercedes Keyes
Interracial drama series
Overall rating R

 

Chapter 86

Monday in Wisconsin…

 

Yesterday… everything seem to come down on him yesterday. All at once. All of a sudden. Like running into an invisible wall, crashing full force to lay stunned and spinning. Wondering what the hell happened. Jake couldn't shake it. He was trying. Trying hard. He sat in Sylvia's living room. Needing to get a grip on himself. He arrived back from Chicago early yesterday afternoon. Yesterday – yesterday – yesterday! Everything about all the yesterdays was coming down on him. He knew he had to shake it… but try as he might, it wouldn't let him go. He'd arrived and went straight back to his own place, almost shaking his head like a dog with a flea in it's ear… trying in vain to rid his mind of all the thoughts working to bring him down. No mercy was found for him. No subtle easing down was this that suddenly hit. But an abrupt cruel drop. His solution was to get busy… that was the key. So loading up a gym bag with a few things, mainly work clothes he made his way to Sylvia and Shawn's house to begin. He needed distraction and he needed it now. Because in his head, his mind was playing mocking games. Conjuring images and thoughts without his consent. Just repetitive plaguing thoughts. All of them, launched yesterday. He'd made it to their home, Shawn and Sylvia's… letting Mundo and Crystal know that he was there and what he would be doing.

They were nice kids. Sylvia should be proud.

Everyone had reason to be so proud of their kids.

Yesterday… he met Dennis Johnson. Was it him? He wondered. Had it been talking to him? Spending time with him? Seeing him as he was in his home? With his children? Or was it Tyrese? That little boy had come to him, talked to him, and suddenly Jake realized he had sons as well. But for the life of him, he couldn't remember anything from their childhood that he could reflect back on. Granted, he'd only gotten them on the weekends, and then not consistently but he couldn't remember doing anything with them. He couldn't remember conversations with them. He couldn't remember one witty thing they'd said or done, when they were young boys up to now. He racked his brain for one small thought or image, or word, or line, or event that he could brag about, smile about, feel proud about… just one. Not one came to him.

Jake felt his chest tighten.

Yesterday… all of it was suddenly coming down on him from yesterday.

He woke that morning deciding to get all of it from yesterday off of his mind by picking up where he left off, dismantling the kitchen. After two hours, he called Derrick at the high school in Madison where he was the coach. Praying he could talk, he needed to talk, because something weird was happening to him. The conversation had lasted longer than it ever had between them because Jake felt for a moment like he was going crazy, asking Derrick. "What do you do with your kids Derrick? I mean… what?"

Derrick had been stunned by the question, especially coming from Jake. "Why would you ask me that? I guess I do the same thing any father would? Why? What'd you do with yours?" He asked in return and Jake didn't know what to say. "Jake?" He called after so many moments of silence, "Hey… you still there?" He asked, sitting at the desk in his office in the high school gym. School would be letting out in another week or so, he had to get all of his grades in for the students. It was a good day to talk because many were taking test, leaving him with free time.

"Yeah… I'm still here."

"You alright?" Derrick asked concerned.

"Derrick… where… where has the last twenty years gone? Where? Where was I? I don't remember anything man… I don't remember anything." He said, feeling panicked, sounding panicked to his brother.

"Jake? What's going on? What's wrong?"

"I got three sons right?" Jake asked, instead of answering Derricks question.

"Yeah… you do. Benjamin, Kevin and Paul… three sons."

"Okay… yep… I know. But… where'd the fuck time go man!? I mean… how old is Benjamin? Twenty something right? So is Kevin… and Paul… he's like… what – 17 or 18?"

"Yeah… I think that's about right… what's wrong Jake?"

"Hang on hang on – I'm trying to think." He stopped and felt a heaviness settling on him.

"What are you trying to think about Jake? Tell me." Derrick encouraged, amazed at this sudden turn of his little brother. Then it suddenly occurred to him. His little brother wasn't a little boy, but a man. One that was on his way to turning 40. Derrick smiled, wondering was that his problem.

"I'm trying to think… about – what the fuck – has happened in my life… the last 20 years of it – because I can't remember it – not a goddamn thing?! What the fuck… what the fuck have I been doing Derrick? I mean… where is it? Where's it all at?"

"Jake… first, you need to calm down, take a deep breath and not think about it right now. Think about something else."

"Man I need to think about it! I need to think about it, because I can't stop thinking about what I am thinking about! But when I try to think back about something else – I draw a blank! I've been trying since yesterday! I can't get my fuckin' head to bring up anything! It keeps repeating the same shit from yesterday over and over and over again! There's 20 fucking years of my life… that is gone! Where is it Derrick?! What the hell did I do with it?!"

"Okay… okay… well, what are you thinking about?"

"Are you fuckin' listening to me Derrick!? Aren't you a goddamn teacher?! Listen to me! I'm trying not to think about it! If I tell you about it, I'll be thinking about it! I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT!!! I need to think of something else – but I can't think of anything else… 'cause I can't remember shit!"

"Well why can't you remember anything?"

Jake sat with his hand in his hair, his forehead palmed as he held the phone to his ear. The call hadn't helped him. In fact, it made things worse. Especially when the answer to his brother's question came with startling clarity.

He knew he couldn't remember because he hadn't taken the time to do anything that created for him, a memory worth remembering. For himself, there was no great and proud moment that really made him feel worthy of remembering. Nothing really strong and substantial. He'd done okay in school. He excelled in sports, but that was to out do Shawn. There was certainly nothing worthy to share in any of his old girlfriends. He had three sons, and he could vaguely recall anything he took part in, or participated in that would be worthy of remembering now.

"Jake… why can't you remember anything?" Derrick asked again gently.

"'Cause I got fuckin' nothing worth remembering man! Nothing! I got stuff to do… bye."

Yesterday… it all started. Thoughts he didn't want – like for one… thoughts of…

Vivian…

Vivian in the red dress at Kwik Trip.

Vivian in the red dress on the dance floor.

The scent of her in his truck… he swore it was still there… or hung up in his head.

Vivian in her kitchen.

Vivian on the sofa across from him.

Vivian's eyes… incredible – light brown eyes.

Vivian and her declaration… "All… or nothing."

Vivian… and that kiss. That kiss. That kiss. That kiss. Playing over and over again in his head.

Vivian denying him. Wanting him, yet – denying him. "What the hell kind of shit is that!? Who the hell gets that hot and turns it off!? No way!" He'd said to himself that night as he lay in his hotel room. He thought he'd give it one more try. Maybe a quick afternoon tryst. He couldn't just bring himself to leave. There was something in him that needed to see the trying of her through to fulfilment. Especially after that kiss. After touching her so intimately. After tasting her. Inhaling the scent of her. Feeling her body against his, the head of his erection rubbing against her, eager to go all the way. Haunting him was the throbbing of it, needing to reach its destination. Like a dog that had sniffed out something raw and new, filling its nostrils and tugging at the need, unable to leave it, digging to get to it. He had to have her. Once he had her, he would feel sated and that would be that. But that couldn't be that when he woke that morning. He could not point his truck for home without trying once more, figuring to come at her from another angle. Once he showed up, he saw the Lexus parked there. He saw the front door open and then he heard her screaming.

Plans ruined!

Starting his truck and backing out, his initial desire had been to find that doctor and beat the crap out of him. He'd ruined a perfectly good morning. Needing to calm down, he tried to reach Sheila, and then met her husband. Met her family. Saw their lives. Looked into the eyes of Tyrese. A bright, funny, incredible little person whom he'd enjoyed. Suddenly he realized, he'd not shared that moment of enjoyment with his own sons. Twenty years had gone without a trace.

40! It was there haunting him. Hovering. Whispering on the wind, growing larger and more ominous.

This year – 40!

Six months – 40!

This fall – 40!

November, 2005 – 40!

He was thirty-nine years old and about to turn – FORTY!!!

Jake shot up from the sofa about to go back to tearing up the kitchen when he felt a pain in his back. "Ah! Ah my back!" He put his hand to the area. He'd never felt it hurting like that before. He stood trying to stretch it. Turning this way and that. He needed to get back to work. He decided he just wouldn't think. He walked to Sylvia's stereo system and turned on the radio, tuning it to his favorite radio station. Some loud rock would be just the ticket, drowning out all thought. One terrific hit after another kept Jake going for almost an hour, then the dj announced a Beatles tri-medley session. First song, 'Long and winding road.' – the song settled in on Jake making him hum along in his head as he worked. Before he realized what was happening, the next song, 'Something.' – came on, and found himself singing along…

 

Something in the way she moves,
Attracts me like no other lover.
Something in the way she woos me.
I don't wanna leave her now,
You know I believe, her now.

Somewhere in her smile she knows,
That I don't need no other lover.
Something in her style that shows me.
I don't wanna leave her now,
You know I believe, her now.

You're asking me will my love grow,
I don't know, I don't know.
You stick around now, it may show,
I don't know, I don't know.

Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't wanna leave her now.
You know I believe, her now.

 

As the song played on moving towards the end, with the guitar strings strumming, he realized what the lyrics were saying. For the first time ever while singing it, an image materialized in his mind moving with the chorus ending.

 

Something in the way she knows,
And all I have to do is think of her.
Something in the things she shows me.
I don't wanna leave her now.
You know I believe, her now.

 

Before, it had just been a catchy tune, nice to listen to, easy to follow. Never had any true meaning, it was one of those songs that he quickly learned and knew all the words too. Now… now all of sudden, a face, a body, and eyes played in his mind like a video wired into his head. Vivian…

Jake stopped and leaned against the counter he'd been moving, a hammer in his hand. His heart was pounding in his chest. He could still see her, as he last saw her yesterday. Her eyes filled with tears, her face wet with them. He'd wanted to dry them despite her screaming at him, — "I DON'T WANT NO BODY… DOING SHIT FOR ME!!! I'll do for my damn self! I've spent my whole life – by myself, doing for myself! And the one time… I let somebody – help me out just a little… I get that shit! Screw all you motha'fucka's! You all alike! Think I'm stupid!? You aren't any better than he is! He slithered out! You slithering in and it's all gonna turn out the same!" —

He couldn't get the image of her in the heat of her anger, humiliation and need from his mind. He wasn't stupid. She was in need. He knew what it looked like. She was tired and didn't even know it. Or maybe she did know it. She was after all mature enough to recognize what she wanted for the remainder of her life, and it wasn't a man, just… as she put it, 'slithering in…'

Slithering. The word was nasty… ugly.

Yet… Jake knew it applied to him. He'd done some slithering in his lifetime. Funny, suddenly he remembered something of his last twenty years. He remembered all the slithering, because there had been plenty of it. Because of it, it had made him what he was then. With nothing to be proud of to remember. He was in a sense, like Vivian, alone. What she'd said rang true for him as well. "I've spent my whole life – by myself – doing for myself!"

Jake couldn't believe it… the third song came on, 'Yesterday.' "Yesterday… all my troubles seemed so far away…"

"You dirty bastards!" He blasted the radio dj, angry, he launched the hammer across the room, to see it crash into one of Sylvia's nice wall paintings. The glass shattered and fell with the picture quickly following. Leaving a hole in the wall.

"Aaah shit…" He hoped he could find another painting like that, she didn't like him enough already. Now he'd gone and broken one of her paintings.

His cell phone was ringing. He rushed to the table and answered it.

"Hello?"

"I just… I felt that I should… apologize for yesterday. I'm sorry. Thank you… for helping me, with – you know. But the money, I told you I didn't want it, I still don't. I'll be sending it to you."

"That's not necessary." He spoke gently, feeling a weird sensation rush through him hearing her voice again.

"For me it is. Where should I send it?"

"Keep it for me then, in case I should need it – if I'm ever in Chicago again… and broke."

"I'll give it to Shawn, Sheila says he's coming back through after returning from California… I'll have him give it to you."

"Why are you being difficult?!" He asked getting exasperated with her.

"How can returning something to you that is rightfully yours, be construed as difficult?" She returned agitated.

"If I remember correctly, eighty of it is yours… is it not?!" He launched back.

"Fine! Okay… I'll keep eighty! Send you back the one twenty that is yours! Feel better now?!"

"I thought you called to apologize?! But you're just as stubborn – just as bull headed and spiteful as you were yesterday!!" He blazed at her for reasons he could not put his finger on.

"Spiteful!? HOW IS THAT SPITEFUL?! Look – I'm on my lunch! I'm sorry I called… I don't have time for this! I'll give your brother your money – goodbye!!" She hung up.

"UGGGH!!!" Jake raged and tossed his cell phone across the room next, on the same route as the hammer, hit close by the hole he made. It hit the wall, split into four different pieces and fell to the floor.

"Dammit! Now I'm gonna have to buy another cell phone! Damn her black ass!" He muttered out loud, then a picture of it came immediately into his mind. His hand cupping the firm mound, his body gyrating against her as he squeezed the perfectly rounded flesh and found himself aroused and shortly there after, erect. The feel of her against him and the kiss putting him into a full blown throb of need. "Oh her sweet black ass… lord… help me." He muttered, because now he wanted her even more, something about fighting with her was turning him on. She was fiery, brilliant and didn't just melt for him, she heated up, as hot as the much used, ever dependable black coal. The dog in him couldn't forget the scent, couldn't be satisfied until he reached the treasure.

"I gotta have her man, just – one time… just once."

 

***

 

L. A… Tuesday Morning…

 

"Mother, meet Ms Josephine Daniels, better known as mama JoJo. Mama Jojo, my mother, Gertrude McPherson." Shawn introduced the two women out in front of Mama Jojo's home. Angela was sitting in the open door of the SUV looking on as Shanna stood behind her mother greeting the older woman who was dressed up in her Sunday's best to join them.

"Mama Jojo… its mighty fine meeting you ma'am… you can call me Gert. Mind me callin' you Mama Jojo as well?"

"That suit me just fine sugah. An' who this pretty gal?" Mama Jojo asked looking at Shanna.

"I'm Shanna ma'am, Shawn's younger sister, its really nice to meet you."

"Same here. You's a pretty young woman, sho'is… you married?"

"Not for long ma'am." Shanna answered honestly, smiling.

"I take it you leavin' him, cause you too pretty fo' him t'be leaving you."

"Yes ma'am, that's bought the right of it." Shanna answered as the three of them escorted her to the SUV. Mama JoJo looked at Angela sitting on the back seat. "Well look at you, you just growin' fast as can be and so pretty… don't 'member mama JoJo?" She asked standing at the side of the front passenger door where Shawn stood holding it open waiting to help her up.

"Yes ma'am, I remember you."

"Well come on down here and give Mama Jojo a hug."

Angela smiled, hopped down out of the vehicle, doing so as the older woman hugged and rubbed her back, ending it with a stroke of her hair. "Lord you gone be a look'ah when you done growing, sho'nuff you is. What you gone do wit' this chile then boy?"

"I think its coming at me faster than I'm ready for Mama Jojo." Shawn admitted smiling. Shanna walked around to the far door and climbed in with their mother climbing in the back seat placing Angela between them so that Mama Jojo could sit up front with Shawn. He helped her up into the vehicle, made sure she was in place and then buckled her seat beat. She sat grinning, feeling like a queen. When Shawn climbed in next to her, he took the old hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "I thought after we visited Jesse, we could take you out to eat as well, please? Its been so long since I've had the pleasure of your company… surely you won't deny me just a bit of time Mama Jojo?" He asked in his most charming flirtatious voice.

"Lord would you look at yo'chile! Yo'boy somethin' else Ms Gert."

"Mama Jojo believe me I know it. I got two others just like him too!"

"So he say. I'm afraid Mama Jojo won't be 'round to meet them, but if this one here anythang to go by, I know they mighty fine men to be proud of." She returned in her slow and contemplative way. Although she was over eighty years old, her mental capacity was as sharp as ever.

"No worries mama JoJo… you got the best of the lot sittin' right here next to you." Shawn teased, all the woman gasped and laughed, yelling at him, "SHAWN!" With his mother going on with, "You aught to be a shame of y'self!"

"Why ain't he just a arrogant strut?! I tell this boy all the time, humble chile, humble… the lord smiles on the humble. My Jesse was the same way – struttin' cock if ever they be one." Mama Jojo laughed with them. "You never meet my Jesse." Mama Jojo stated the fact.

"No ma'am, I haven't. Don't know too much about him to be honest with you. I know we're on our way to visit his grave, my son mentioned last night about him and you."

"Well… these two young men – they was the pride of me… I swear. I come here to California years ago wit' my brother an' his wife. I was a grandma already back then to Jesse James, born to my oldest daughter. I had two girls at the time. One run away from home, I aint heard from her in years. Th'other marry a no account, never did like'im, that was my Jesse's daddy – he come after my daughter when she follow me here like I did my brother. My daughter had six kids by that man, do you know out of all of them, the only one come see about me was my Jesse James. I was always closest to him anyway, born while his mama was still living with me. He was a little over three when we settle here. Out of all my grandchildren, he only somebody visit me, see if his Mama Jojo was okay. Then one day… he bring this one here along with'em. I swear, you wanna know where one is, fin' the other. They love each other, more brother's than real brother's I seen." Mama Jojo spoke softly, staring at Shawn's profile as he drove. His chest thick with remorse as they headed for the cemetery where he eventually could afford to have Jesse's body moved. That was thanks to Merriam Styles. Because of her, he could put a grave stone above his resting place and bring Mama Jojo to visit him finally.

It had taken him a few months after Jesse's death to get himself to come and see mama JoJo. So tore up in grief he could no longer stay away. He had visited her and broken down telling her he'd died in a shooting. That they'd gotten into a fight, and defending him, Jesse had gotten shot. Of course there was no way that mama JoJo knew the truth of how they made money. There was no way that Shawn would have ever disclosed it to her. He told her then that Jesse lay in an unmarked grave, and he swore to her, that he would see to it somehow, that he would be laid better. It took him three years, but he finally fulfilled his promise to her, one that he made to himself as well. Because he had been so tore up over it, he'd stayed with her for weeks, going back and forth to work until he felt he needed to get his own place again. Not because mama JoJo wanted him to, he just felt that he should. However, in every little way that he could, he saw to her. Even when he was off touring Europe with Merriam Styles, he wrote mama JoJo, sent her cards, gifts and pictures galore. Much more than he'd done with his own parents. He could do no less because he knew it was something that Jesse would have done, and wanted him to do, so he carried it through for him. He'd brought Deidre to meet her. When Angela was born, he brought her there as well. He smiled, and chuckled as Mama Jojo told his mother and sister stories of some of his and Jesse's adventures. Gert and Shanna sat in disbelief. This was a side of her son Gert would never have imagined existed. Listening to Mama Jojo go on about him, made her feel those old pains again from her past. While she knew that he was not the son of Edwin Piercey, she had her moments when she swore that his blood must flow through his veins. However, that was nothing more than her own wishful thinking, best kept to the back of her mind.

Finally they stood at his grave.

Here it was many years later, and Shawn could not stand over his grave without feeling broken up inside. Because he loved him so much, missed him so badly, the memories of their past together would not wear off. Would not lesson with time. Every time things got a little rough, he thought of Jesse. Because Jesse always had the solution. Maybe not the right solution, but one that had been inspired by his take on the world and what was needed to get over in it. Jesse had been the one person in his life who had loved him the way he most needed to be loved by a fellow man. He was that older brother that every little boy needs to look up to. Jesse had been his. In a sense, he could understand what Jake may have been missing all of that time they were growing up.

Shawn rubbed his eyes to remove his tears, sniffing.

Gert stood and watched her son, over come by the emotion filling him as he stood before the grave of a young man she'd never met, or heard of before last night. She looked from him down at the head stone that read.

 

~*~~*~~*~

Here Lies…My Brother

R.I.P

Jesse James Douglas

1957 – 1984

"I will never forget you…

please I beg,

haunt me for all of my days.

Doing so, I'll know,

you haven't forgotten me."

S.E.M

~*~~*~~*~

 

Angela knelt and replaced the flowers that were there, long since dead with new ones that her father had picked up for it. It wasn't the first time she'd done it, this was a routine she was accustomed to, cleaning around the grave as he had shown her to do. Shawn finally knelt down to one knee. They had been there for a while, mama JoJo was growing tired of standing. She turned away, using her cane and shuffled back towards the SUV. Knowing that he would want to be alone with him. Gert and Shanna followed her, Angela leaned over and hugged her father, then turned and joined the other women as he knelt there. He thanked mama JoJo in his mind for walking away, to give him that moment, because once again, he cried.

"I miss you so much man… God almighty I miss you so much." He gasped wiping at his face, streaming with tears. "Oh god…" He blew out trying to keep his emotions under control. Suddenly he smiled, "Hey Jesse… guess what man?" Shawn smiled as Jesse answered him in his head. "What?"

"I got one… you know… just like you said the kind to get. Her names Sylvia. Oh Jesse… you should see her. Prettiest thing you'll ever see. Eyes so deep and dark, with a heart and soul you'd be proud of. An-n-nd – we're having a baby. She thinks its a boy. She says she's sure. I um, well… this one… this one's for you." Shawn sniffed wiping at his nose. "Jesse, I swear man, he's gonna be one bad little motha'fucka! I can tell you that now!" Shawn laughed. "He's gonna be our son Jesse! Our boy… but you know us, as you always said, if we fell in a barrel full of titties we'd come up sucking our thumb…" Shawn laughed out loud. "Ah hell… I gotta do it right Jesse. I gotta do'im right. Of course you know what I'll name'im?"

"Let me guess…" The voice inside his head said. "Moby D Jr.?"

Shawn laughed out loud. Knowing that Jesse would say just that. "No… not that. Weren't you listening? I said, this one's for you. Now I may have to wrestle with the ol'lady over it a bit, but… he'll be, Jesse James McPherson. Can you see him now Jesse?! Oh his little ass is going to be the end of me I know. I'm anxious man. I'm so anxious to see him. To look at him, to hold him. I saw his heart beating Jesse… his heart was just going man… ah man… I wish you could have seen it." Shawn looked down, quiet a while. "I keep… thinking of that day. Replaying it in my head… wishing I'd just… just shut my mouth. 'Cause… you'd be here now. Maybe… you would have been at my wedding. Wouldn't have let me fuck it up so bad. But you know me." Shawn chuckled. "She took off on me man. I'm gettin' her ass back though, you can believe that!" He sniffed slipping into silence again. Thinking, remembering, his thumb rubbing away more tears. "Ah well… look man… I ah… I gotta go. Mama JoJo's waiting, my mom and everything. But… hey uh, I need you to do me a favor man. Guard my son man… watch over my son. Our son… if you can just make sure he makes it all the way, I'll pick it up from the delivery… okay? Can you do that for me? You know with her being out there somewhere, and um, she's got lil'Jesse with her… so – just… watch over'em for me okay?"

"You always gotta fuck somethin' up! Then I gotta clean it up!" The voice stated.

"I know… I know. But… I love her man, soon as I leave here, I'm gonna get everything together, make it right. Bring her home… so… just watch her back until I get her, okay?"

"Hey… you know you can always depend on me man… lil'brother… you know you can always depend on me."

Shawn bowed his head about to cry again, he shot to his feet, wiped his face, sniffed and opened his eyes in the breeze to dry them, and then strolled off through the cemetery. Still walking that same ol'walk that Jesse taught him long ago. That smooth stride, a bit of a strut that made many a women look up and long to know him.

 

They went to a seafood buffet restaurant, mama JoJo's favorite place to eat when he took her out. The food was excellent and the choices put one in, Asian, Sushi-seafood heaven. The worst thing about the restaurant was to control yourself and not over eat. They'd enjoyed a terrific meal, talking about various things when Shawn excused himself. There was something more he'd meant to mention to Jeremiah Franklin and the investigators dealing with the case, so he walked outside to the SUV to ring them.

Angela was at the dessert bar as the three women sat back talking about this and that.

Gert had been telling mama JoJo about Sylvia and what led up to her leaving Shawn.

"Lord'a'mercy… that boy of yo's got himself a temper lemme tell you. Oh the times he get mad at that first one he married, the baby's mama. He come knocking at my door, sometime late at night, the baby on his hip and bag in his hand." Mama JoJo shook her head laughing thinking back to it. "I say, boy… what done gone wrong now? Gimme that baby – come on in here… I say. He walk in circles, pacing back and forth, angry and mad… talkin' bout leaving her 'cause she wasn't right. Won't clean up the house, won't cook. Can't take care of the baby right… just wanna shop and spend money. Wanna hire a maid and a cook. I try to tell him, let'ha if she want to. Oooh and he go to fussin', "My mama raised five children and didn't ask for no maid and no cook!" He carry on somethin'." Mama JoJo laughed.

"Mama JoJo I had my moments when I wanted to. Lord it wasn't easy, so many times I wanted to run to my daddy, or use the money he give us to make life just a bit easier on us, but my husband was a proud man and he wouldn't hear of it. So there was no running home to my daddy."

"Where was that?" Mama JoJo asked.

"South Carolina." Gert admitted.

"Well its a small world, that's where I live before I move to California with my brother."

"Oh really, so it is a small world. What made ya'll leave South Carolina?"

"Oooh, we left at a time when thangs was so much different from the way they is today.  Time ago, ain't no way yo' boy would'ah married his Sylvia. Would'ah been too dangerous. My brother, god bless him, suffered so with his own son. Just one, and two girls. That boy of his was gonna be something special let me tell you. But – he got himself all caught up wit' a lil'white girl… got himself killed. I never forget that. I was living with my brother at the time see, my ol'man done took off and left me and my girls. We ain't have no way of makin' it. My brother had me come stay with him, to help me out. His son, his oldest, Edwin… was part of the black rally's, protesting and following King. He ask his daddy could he bring his girl along, because he wanted to marry her… you see my brother was making plans to relocate to California even then. He would have done anything for his Edwin, and told him once we got settled, he could send for her if he wanted. Edwin took off happy as a lark. That was the last time we seen him alive. About three in the morning, somebody broke one of the windows at my brother's house, waking us up. Then we heard this heavy thump… trucks kicked up dust spinning out of the yard, there was a lot of hoopin' and hollerin' as they left. He open the door, and laying right there on the thresh hold, was Edwin, battered, broke up body… soaked in blood…"

Gert shot up from her chair short of breath stumbling through the restaurant for the ladies room.

"Oh lord… I done upset her… didn't meant to." Mama JoJo said turning to Shanna, who was staring with wide eyes of horror.

"Oh my God… oh my God… mama JoJo… oh nooo."

"What sugah… was wrong?" She leaned forward asking, alarmed.

"That lil'white girl… that… Edwin wanted to marry… that was my mother."

 

 

Chapter 87

 

Gert closed herself up in one of the bathroom stalls walking in circles. She couldn't catch her breath, she couldn't stop the rapid pounding of her heart. She couldn't shake the image of Edwin, the picture of him laying broken up and bloody. He'd been on his way to see her. He'd wanted to marry her. Covering her mouth she knew she was going to erupt and fought it back. Turning in circles her mind went crazy trying to figure out what to do not to lose her mind. Nothing she did could hold back the keening and whimpering in her throat. Her eyes filled with tears and she sat on the commode rocking and holding her fist to her mouth, trying to hold it in. Unable to stop it, a cough and wail escaped until a sobbing like uncontrollable laughter filled the stall, she couldn't make herself stop.

She heard someone enter the woman's bathroom, yet no control was there to be found. A knock at her stall. "Momma… momma let me in… please let me in." Shanna pleaded hearing the sounds of her mothers deep, gut wrenching wails fill the bathroom.

"Momma pleeease… let me in." Shanna cried, hearing her mother sob so harshly was more than she could stand.

Finally the door came open and Shanna rushed in to her mother, locking the stall behind her.

"Shhh sh sh sh momma…please… oh momma… ooooh… come on momma… you can't let Shawn see you this way… you can't. Momma you gotta get control of yourself."

"THE BASTARDS!!!"

"Shhh momma… please momma… you have to calm down."

"He – he didn't – didn't deser – deserve that! Why'd they have to… to kill'im… why'd they…" She tapered off weeping and sobbing.

 

Mama JoJo sat with Angela standing beside her, passing her, her walking stick. "Come on chile… help mama JoJo up from here… just get me to the bathroom where yo' grandma is, then you go get wit' yo' daddy. Tell him we in the bathroom, be out in a reckin'… 'kay?" Mama JoJo directed as Angela escorted her towards the ladies room. Stopping at the door, mama JoJo turned to her and nodded. "I be okay from here, go fin' yo'daddy now."

Angela went off to do as she was told. Mama JoJo walked into the ladies room to see a few woman standing looking at the stall where Gert and Shanna was. They hurried and washed their hands and left. Embarrassed by the commotion.

"Gertrude… this mama JoJo here… come on out darlin' so we can talk… ain't no body in here but us. Come on out now." She called to her, hearing the keening of which brought back memories. That very same heart wrenching cry had been torn from Edwin's mother as she viewed her son's body that morning, following her ear shattering screams. The entire house had been in an uproar. They'd prepared Edwin's body for burial and hadn't told a soul. He was in fact buried there in California. His father and mother hadn't wanted to leave his body in the South when they were moving West, and quickly.

"Come on sweetheart… come on out here." Mama JoJo petitioned kindly. Shanna unlocked the stall door, so that Mama JoJo could see in. Gert was a mess, unable to stop herself from crying. "Chile… you can't be carrying on this way… he been long gone now… didn't you know what happened?"

Gert rocked and shook her head. Yes, she'd known that something happened to him, but without the evidence, without the body, a seed of hope had been there that maybe, just maybe he'd escaped such a horrific fate.

"Mama JoJo… we have to do something… she can't let my brother see her like this… he doesn't know, not any of it." Shanna spoke in a panic.

"Look here gal… you done suddenly got sick. You hear? Now we ain't gone go blamin' the food, 'cause this my favorite restaurant… don't want yo' Shawn choking the cook. But we just gone say we need to go, and now… this way you can get back to the condo and lay yo'self down."

"Come back with me…. please… ple – please mama Jo – JoJo." Gert pleaded.

Mama JoJo stood for a moment, "Okay… I come back wit'cha. But I ain't stayin'!" She let her know.

Shanna rushed out of the ladies room and found Shawn at the table with Angela.

"We need to go, momma's suddenly sick." She said.

Shawn looked up stunned, "From what? Something she eat?"

"No… it wasn't the food… its been comin' on her last night and this morning, we just need to get her home so she can lay down, she's feeling pretty bad." Shanna stated quickly.

"Should I go and get her, can she walk?" Shawn asked standing.

"No… just wait for us in the SUV – mama JoJo's with her now. We'll be right out."

 

On their way back to the condo, Shawn kept insisting that maybe he should take her to the doctor. The sight of her startled him so that he almost insisted. Mama JoJo is the one who assured him that she would be fine. Just take them all to the condo where she would sit with her for a while until she felt better. Once they arrived, Shawn decided to take Angela to visit Deidre at the hospital once more. They'd stay there for an hour or more and then pick a couple of her friends up from school and maybe let her go to a movie with them or something. He didn't know what was going on with his mom, but thought he'd just leave them be. He knew that mama JoJo was a wonder when someone didn't feel good. Checking to make sure he didn't need to pick up anything for them first from the drugstore or otherwise, they assured him that he didn't, they were fine, he and his daughter took off for the hospital.

"Now they gone, we can talk. You need somethin' to drink sugah?" Mama JoJo asked Gert standing by her bed.

"Mama JoJo sit down. You not here to see about me. I should be asking you that." Gert returned, sniffing as Shanna went into the kitchen and made them all a drink. Mama JoJo backed up to a chair sitting by the bed.

"I simply cannot believe it. To meet you, Edwin's aunt, and to find out… all this time later… to hear that he… that they… oh it's going to do my head in I swear! Mama JoJo… I loved him, I loved him so much… I swear to you that I did. Knowing that he was coming to me, to tell me about his plans! Oh mama JoJo… I would have gone with him. I would have travelled across the world to be with him." Gert was softly crying now, when Shanna entered with their drinks.

She felt somewhat split. Knowing of her mother's secret as she did, and trying with all her might to understand her feelings, could not cover over the fact that she was now her father's wife. Bart was her father, and she loved her father! All of her life, she had known nothing but a gentle, caring hand from him. Of course being the baby of the family and the girl at that, she had been treated special by all of them. Protected by everyone. She had been one of daddy's little girls, so babied a great deal. This was not easy for her to stand and be a witness to. She had a feeling of standing by and watching her mother be unfaithful to her father. Shanna had a aching feeling that her mother still harbored feelings for the man, Edwin Piercey, a man long since passed away with a horrible ending. Although her mother swore that she loved Bart now, Shanna had a feeling that her mother would be torn if Edwin Piercey had proven to be still alive. Torn perhaps that she might even consider an affair? She knew her imagination was going nuts, but it could not be denied that the feelings her mother had for the deceased man were strong and still there. It also made Shanna wonder if this were the true reason her mother had wanted them all to marry someone other than white. Maybe she was gaining a sense of fulfilment by Shawn's marrying Sylvia, and now, she was going on about this woman Vivian, who had been at the reception. How she was making plans to maneuver her into being with Jake.

She passed a glass of ice cold lemonade to mama JoJo and her mother, then took a seat at the end of the bed listening to the two women.

"That was then sugah. That was a day from a long time ago. You got you a beautiful family now. Yo'husband now… he that soldier ain't he?"

"You know about him?"

"Sure I do. We all know baby. I just hadn't thought to put two and two together when I hear yo'name. What the chances be that you be the same Gertrude? Else I might'ah known you was the young woman Ed use to go on and on about… I know its a small worl', but I ain't know it was this small. I can tell you this though… it does my heart glad to see you. To know you, and fin' you so broken up over it. That you really cared about him. 'Cause his mama, she swore up and down her child died so you lil'rich girls could play your games and then turn your back when her boy was bein' tortured and killed over it."

Gert covered her face, still battling over the picture in her head.

"I loved him mama JoJo… I swear to God above I did. I was so young and foolish. Not realizing how dangerous and evil the people in that town was. The men all seemed to derive some type of demonic pleasure out of harming any Negro they felt justified in harassing. I looked and looked, hoped and waited to hear word of him, from him… but none ever came."

"That's 'cause we knew it was time to go. My brother was afraid they'd do us more harm and we left their as soon as we could get out."

"Where is he… Edwin? Where is he buried?"

"My brother had his body sent here, he buried in Bakersfield, where we first settle. Then I met my second husband and he move me here a few years later. I been here ever since."

"Bakersfield…" Gert said softly, thinking.

"Momma… don't. Let it go. It's over… just… just let it go." Shanna asked softly.

Gert was sitting up with her knees raised, her forearms across them as she sat thinking, then lowered her face within.

"Chile… you got yo' life with your husban' now. You been blessed… just knowing you did love him, give me peace in knowing he ain't die in vain. Do like yo' daughter said, leave it alone… let it go now." Mama JoJo added.

Gert sat motionless for a few moments thinking. She had no choice but to let it go. She fought back the urge to venture off there to visit his grave. That however, was not the reason for the trip, and so she would cast off the need… for now. She looked up and blew her nose again, her gaze on mama JoJo.

"Mama JoJo… what you gonna do when we leave? You can't be sittin' on the porch with a shotgun mama JoJo… you got no family to see about you?" Gert asked, remembering what Shawn told her. She knew her son loved this elderly woman, and they were all connected it finally occurred to her, Shanna must have been thinking along those same lines because she said,

"Isn't this funny… yet, strange. You momma, was in love with Edwin Piercey, and after his passing, his parents came here to California bringing you, mama JoJo and your daughter with Jesse James… who befriended my brother and looked after him while he was here. Wow… what an eerie connection… almost as if … oh never mind… I'm being silly."

"No… not at all. Edwin was seeing to it that someone was looking after my boy." Gert said.

"Momma… we're talkin' crazy now."

"Maybe… but I kind'ah like the notion of it." Gert replied softly then turned back to mama JoJo who was watching them. "Mama JoJo – come back with us." Gert asked gently.

"Nooo… chile me and yo' boy done already gone through this. He been tryin' to get me to come wit'im for a few years now."

"Why not mama JoJo?" Gert asked.

"Sugah I lived wit' my brother for long enough. I swore once I left his home, I wasn't gone live with no body else again ever! Ya'll's got yo' life… an' I gots what's left of mine. Right here… in that house where he pick me up from. That's where I'm going back to." She declared.

"Okay mama JoJo…okay. But you do know that now, we'll be checking on you all the time. Gettin' on your nerves – trying to talk you into comin' where we are. 'Cause mama JoJo – we family… ain't no doubt about that… how can you deny it?" Gert asked.

Mama JoJo chuckled, "Lord… yeah… I s'pose you right. I ain't complainin' mind you. Not at all, an' if ya'll was to come and visit me when you can, you always be welcome."

"Well you can bet on it! That's for sure!"

"Chile is there some place I can lay my head a bit, I'm thinkin' I'm needin' a nap… feelin' kind o'drowsy."

Gert moved off of the bed, "You can lay down right here mama JoJo, come on… take you a nap. We wake you when Shawn get back, maybe take you home after dinner, that okay?" Gert asked, as the older woman laid down, shifting the covers for her to get comfortable.

"Sho'nuff be fine sugah… just get me a little cat nap." Mama JoJo murmured feeling her drowsiness take her down for a nap. Shanna and Gert quietly left the room and went into the kitchen.

"For the life of me, I cannot believe this has happened. I cannot believe my son, all this time, has been in association with members of Edwin's family. Its too much." Gert started, looking into the refrigerator for something to prepare for later.

"Momma… you still in love with him, aren't you?"

"Shanna… he's gone."

"As you found out that mama JoJo, was Edwin's aunt – what if she'd told you, that he was alive, and well and living here in California… what would you have done?"

"Why are you asking me that? He's not alive… he's not well! He's buried in Bakersfield."

"If he were alive… would you be tempted momma? Would you be tempted to see him? For him to see you? Would you?"

"If he were alive and well, he'd no doubt be married and happy."

"Would you be tempted to see him?"

"I'm married to your father now Shanna, have been for forty years now."

"That's not answering my question! Would you be tempted to see him?"

Gert looked away from her, up at the ceiling, thinking. With her heart pounding, she knew the truth of the answer, there would be no way she could not be tempted. Knowing where he was buried, still tugged at her.

"Shanna… there's no sense in us gettin' bogged down in the what if's! I'm your father's wife. I'm married to Bart, only death will part us. End of discussion."

"So you would be. You'd be tempted to see him, I know you would. You're still in love with him!"

"He – is – dead! Did you hear that part Shanna?! Dead! Now drop it! Go lay out by the pool or something!"

 

At The Hospital…

 

In a voice low, weak and raspy, Deidre lay talking to her daughter. Trying to stay awake, fighting against the medication given to keep her pain down and her activity at its lowest, she gazed at her child with longing eyes. Just in the short period of time that she was away, she'd changed. Her face glowed, her eyes twinkled, and she liked her bangs that Sylvia allowed her to get cut. Angela also showed her the earrings in her pierced ears.

"You look wonderful. Tell me, so… what all have you been up to." Deidre swallowed, taking a deep breath, determined to stay awake and visit with her daughter. She knew that Shawn had said they'd be on their way back home today, so she appreciated the extra time given. He was outside speaking with Jeremiah.

"Let's see… I'm in my new school and I really like it! My teachers really cool – her name is Mrs. Dearborn – she is so funny – and all the students like her… including me, as you can tell. I have two new friends – Kimberly and Trudie. There's also this Indian boy named Vincent, I think he likes me, he's always staring at me. He's kind'ah cute."

"Oooh… you like him?"

"Naaaw, not really… besides, dad would have a fit… so don't tell him I told you."

"Does Sylvia know?" Deidre asked.

"Nooo, I haven't really had time to tell her."

"How do you like her?"

"A lot."

"A lot alot?" Deidre pressed.

"She's… really nice, and… well… I just like her a lot." Angela said, not wanting to hurt her mother's feelings by saying too much about how she and Sylvia were together.

"Good… then you still rather be there?"

"Yeah… I would. I love you – I really do. But there, it's different. Crystal and Mundo live there now too – and Isaac and Darren."

"Who are they?"

"Crystal is Sylvia's daughter, she's married and has two little boys. They're white like us! Well… half white, because Crystal's husband is white. His name is Victor – they're not together anymore because Crystal beats him up all the time."

Deidre winced in pain, trying not to laugh, "Oh – oh oh… don't make me laugh."

"Its true mom… she really gives it to him! Sylvia don't like it! She yelled at her about it. Anyway, now she lives with us, well… they live in dad's house across the road from us. Her and Mundo. But dad's gonna make that house really big so we can all live there together. Sylvia's house is gonna be a hotel."

"A hotel?!" Deidre asked.

"Yeah! Well… with not as many rooms, just a few rooms."

"You mean a bed and breakfast?"

"Yeah! That's what its called. They're gonna put a swimming pool there, a small tennis court, so its really nice for people to stay there."

"Wow… sounds like they're really busy."

"Yep… we're always busy. Plus I get to visit with Uncle Derrick and Aunt Meribel – I love going there! Man mom… did you know that Shawn2 looks just like my dad?! People think that we're brother and sister we look so much alike! He's so funny – but he gets on his brother's nerves! And you know what? Guess what? Their oldest son, DJ – Derrick Junior – well, he's Crystal and Mundo's brother! They all have the same dad… you can tell too, because DJ and Crystal look sooooo much alike, the way that Shawn2 and I look a like. But we look more alike than they do. And you know what else? He's black!"

"Who's black?"

"Derrick Junior! Well… let's see, Sasha says he's more Puerto Rican than they are, because Aunt Meribel is Puerto Rican and Armundo… that's DJ's, Crystal and Mundo's dad – he's half Puerto Rican and black… so really, he's like part black… but he looks black! He's very very ve-e-ery good looking! Oh my goodness! He is soooo handsome, girls are calling him all the time! And Mundo is really good looking too! He looks like Sylvia – he wears dread-locks – and he and dad are really really really close! I mean really close! They're together all the time just about! He is soooo funny! He makes me laugh like crazy! He makes dad laugh a lot too! Crystal gets mad at him though, calls him names… and… you know what?"

"What?" Deidre chuckled, amazed because she'd never seen her daughter so animated and excited.

"She calls him… the 'N' word… a lot! He calls her that too! Dad says they shouldn't be calling each other that, but they do it anyway."

"Well… you know, that just because they do it… doesn't mean that you can?"

"I know… I wouldn't anyway… but Crystal and Mundo say it a lot. Even Isaac has called his uncle that!"

"Who is Isaac?"

"Mom… Crystal's little boy! He's three years old… he looks white, and calls Mundo the 'n' word sometimes. Dad really gets onto him about that. Crystal tells him not to say it, but she thinks its funny, but dad told her she should not be letting him say that because he looks white. He told her if someone black heard him say it, they would be offended and might hurt him because they wouldn't know that Isaac is black too… just looks white. So… now, she's trying not to say it anymore, and corrects him if he says it."

"I see… wow… well I sure hope they can get him to stop that… your dads right, it could set him up to get hurt later."

"Yep… it could. Now… when we leave here, dads gonna have to find Sylvia."

"Find Sylvia? Why?"

"She left him. Because he lost his temper and he and Uncle Jake got into a big fight at the wedding reception over Sylvia. That's why dad has a black eye… its almost healed now. Uncle Jake has one too… but now… Sylvia's gone."

"Isn't she pregnant?"

Angela gasped excitedly and got her second wind.

"OH YES! Oh mom… I saw the baby! I saw its heart beating! It was still in her stomach – its really really teeni tiny – but we all saw it! Dad wants a boy, I heard him tell grandma last night that he's gonna name him Jesse James! After his friend who died a long time ago."

"Yes… I remember. So how do you feel now that Sylvia's gone?"

"I miss her. I want her to come back. She called me though, and told me… well… that she loved me, and that… she just needed a little time. She'll come back home, because she really loves dad… and he really loves her."

Deidre sighed. Having no choice, she smiled at her daughter and was thankful that at least she was happy and out of harms way.

 

Detectives Johnson and Gleason sat with Shawn and Jeremiah taking notes on the additional information Shawn wanted to give them. He told them about the attack on Sylvia earlier that year. That the man's name was Ray Olivetti. He gave them the name of the investigator there in Wisconsin who had questioned him and Sylvia because the man ended up dead. He explained the reason for bringing it up, that although he had never met Olivetti – he knew him. Had information on him and it seemed that he had been there in Wisconsin because of him. That he came from California and the question was, sent by who?

"I don't know if one thing has anything to do with the other, but I wanted to tell you about it anyway. Just in case." Shawn finished as the two detectives stood.

"We'll run a profile on this Ray Olivetti… find out who some of his associates are. You never know. Thanks for the information." They left, leaving him and Jeremiah alone together.

"Thought you'd be on a plane half way back to Wisconsin?" Jeremiah asked.

"We will be tomorrow. There were last minute things I needed to see to. For being just her lawyer, you sure are putting in overtime. Is she your only client?"

"Actually, I'm a corporate attorney. I'm in and out of the office through out the day. Under the circumstances, I'm making special allowances where she's concerned."

"I see. So… you're just one heck of an attentive attorney, or is this more personal?"

"Both."

"I didn't miss the revenge accusation by her mother. Any truth to that? If so, how is it going to affect Deidre down the road?"

"I hold no vendetta's against Deidre. Its her parents I can't stand."

"Well join the club, neither are they on my favorites list of people I once knew. Just remember, if you are indeed out to get them, don't go over Deidre to do so. She's been through enough."

"Do I detect some lingering affection?"

"She's the mother of my daughter. That alone gives me reason to be concerned."

"Is that the only reason?"

"How important is it for you to know?"

Jeremiah chuckled, "Why do I get a feeling the two of us could sit here all day going back on forth trying to gauge the other?"

"Not I… sorry – I have things to do. Look… I could give a shit about what happens to the Wherrington's… Oscar T. and Georgiana that is… however, the woman laying in that room, is someone I love. Not in love with… but love. I don't want to see her hurt, simple as that. She has her life to live and is free to live it as she sees fit because I'm sure as hell living mine. If there's something down the road with the two of you, good for her… my point is simply this, don't play with her just to get back at her parents."

"I wouldn't even consider it." Jeremiah lied, knowing that he'd considered doing just that before the attack on her last week. Now… things had changed. Finding a link that tied them into trying to kill their daughter off was much more to his liking. To find that link, was going to take some digging…but dig he would.

Shawn stood, "Good enough then. I suppose this will be the last time we see each other, nice meeting you." Shawn held his hand out as Jeremiah stood and grabbed it, giving him a firm handshake. "Yes, you as well. Have a safe flight back to Wisconsin."

Shawn and Angela left the hospital just in time to pick up her two friends from school. He took them home so they could ask their parents about the movies. Allowed to go, he took all three to McDonald's, and afterward to the mall where they would walk around until it was time for the movie to start, he warned very sternly. "Do not leave this mall and go anywhere else… do you understand me?!" He was very firm, looking at Angela.

"I know dad!"

"Okay… walk around, chit chat, shop and see the movie! When it's done, give me a ring and I'll be here to pick you all up… understand?!"

"Yes Mr. McPherson… we promise! We'll be right here."

"Yes dad… we'll be fine." Angela assured him. Shawn didn't like leaving them unattended. "Second thought, I'll be back here in two hours! Angela, you have your phone on you! Do not – leave – the mall!" He repeated.

"DAD! Okaaay!" Angela repeated, there was no way in world she was gonna cross her father and her friends knew this as well, he stood watching them walk into the mall, Angela turning to wave at him. Once they disappeared inside the doors, Shawn pulled off. "I can't believe I asked Sylvia for three more! Too damn stressful!" Especially for him because he knew he was a bit over protective, but he couldn't help himself. He knew what the real world was about, he'd spent enough time in it. He went directly back to the condo. Mama JoJo was in the kitchen laughing and talking with his mother and sister. It seemed his mother was fine now. They'd already eaten and she was ready to be taken home. In the SUV on the way back, it was just her and Shawn.

"Mama JoJo… is there anything at all I can say to you, to get you-…"

"No sweetheart… nothing." She stopped him before he went any further.

"But I want you to see my child when its born. We think its a boy, I'm naming him Jesse Jame's… I want you to see'im."

"If the lord is willing to give me till then, I will. 'Course, you gonna have to bring'im here… but that sho'would be nice… to see'im. Thank maybe I'ah get to meet yo'wife too?"

Shawn sighed, "Yes mama JoJo… you'll get to meet her too, you'll love her. She'll love meeting you."

"Then it's a date. How long she got to go?"

"About six months, give or take a few weeks."

"Well then, I see you in seven month's give or take a few weeks."

"Nooo, you'll see me before then. I have plenty of reason to come again. Next time, she'll be with me. I'll see you then."

 

Shawn was back at the mall to pick the girls up. They were waiting right where he dropped them off. All smiling and waving. He sighed in relief. They jumped in all talking at once, giggling and laughing, teasing each other, and telling him about "Shrek 2" all at the same time. He smiled shaking his head. He could barely make out heads or tails of what they were saying, but they were back in his care and he could take them all home safely, dropping off the last one, he headed for the condo.

"You have fun Pum'kin, despite what's happened to your mom?"

"Yep… she'll be okay now. Plus, you know what… we actually got to talk!" She informed him happily. Shawn laughed, "You mean you got to talk at her – I can't see her strong enough to get a word in edge wise with you!" He laughed.

"Daddy! I resent that! Just for that – I'm not saying another word for the rest of the night! No… for the remaining time here! Or even better… not until we get back home to Wisconsin. And you know what?! I know what'll top that… I'm not saying another word until Sylvia comes back home! That'll teach you!" She then folded her arms across her flat chest and sat back in her seat.

"I'm gonna make you – ta – alk…" Shawn sang out teasing.

"No you're not!"

"HA! Already did… you lost…"

"Dad! That's not fair, I wasn't ready yet!"

"HA! Did it again, that was eight words! You're talkin'!"

"Um em…" She mumbled laughing.

"That's two more words!" He laughed.

"They are not words!"

"HA! Those are… did it again!"

"I'm not saying another word!"

"Did it again!"

"DAD! Stop it!"

"Did it again… you're talking!"

"That's cheating dad!"

"Boy you're sure not talkin' kid!"

Before long Angela was laughing so hard, she was in tears trying not to talk, while feeling frustrated as her father went on to force more words from her mouth as she struggled not to speak to him again. They made it back to the condo and began getting their things together to make it to the airport the next morning. With anticipation, Shawn went to his laptop to see if he had any emails from Sylvia… there was another one.

 

From: Sylvia M. McPherson Date: 05/13/2004 04:15:28 To: Everett Styles   Subject: What A Day I've Had…   Well my dear husband,   Remember me telling you that there were things I wanted to do for me? Well guess what? I started it today! The list… my very own – to do list! I just happened by this particular place and noticed they were a bit slow…so I thought… why the heck not… right? I mean, I took a much needed break from writing, hit a bit of a writers block and decided to go for a stroll. That's when I saw this place and realized that they did one of the things I've always said I'd like to do, but never had the nerve to do it. I DID IT TODAY!!! Oh Shawn… wait until you see what I've done… hehehehe. I'm not telling you of course what that is… you'll find out soon enough – wicked!   Anyway, there are ten things on the list. I can now draw a line through one of them. I have nine to go. I'm getting ready to do the next thing now, but I had to email you first before I did… only to say that I love you so much. I day dream about you all the time, and I'm in such a heightened feeling of anticipation for when I see you again. Guess what… I had a dream last night that you were here with me… and that you ummm, well… lol… you know – oh my goodness, I woke up sooo turned on! It was so real Shawn! It just goes to show, you are even in my dreams when I'm in my deepest sleep… there I will find you… touching me. Oh… gotta get my mind off of that!   Also… Derrick and I talked a bit today. Baby, don't be getting mad at him. He's a man of his word, and I made him promise me. So don't be upset with him for being there for me. Also, I'm very pleased to hear that you and Jake have made up. Ironed out your differences. I still don't know if I can trust him, I suppose time will tell. Either way or regardless, know that I am in love with you. You are the man of my dreams and I could never love another.   Oh Shawn, my waist is growing thicker already! No strong or discernible bulge yet, just my pants are starting to close a bit tight, really getting snug. I've been thinking about names… like for instance… Daegan – means: Black Haired – Ian – means: God is gracious – Malin – means: Little Warrior – (my favorite) -> Manning – means: Son of a Hero – Pierce – means: Rock and last so far, Zackary – means: God remembers.  So… what do you think? I haven't thought of a middle name yet, but we can think of that one together. Oh I do miss you so much… but I guess there's no sense in me saying that while I'm not willing to come home yet. I know its a contradiction Shawn, but I do miss you. Believe me I do. Yet… right now, I'm enjoying this freedom that I have. You see, there are a couple things on my list… there's no way you would let me do them, so… by getting them done now, its out of the way… right? Wouldn't you agree? LOL… oh I feel positively naughty! Now now … not a bad naughty… nothing against us, or our commitment together – nothing like that. I am your wife and I would never do anything against our marriage to one another, so put your mind at ease right now. The couple of things aren't really that big a deal… I mean, I'm certain that thousands upon thousands of people do it all the time. I just never have. So I'm gonna!   I love you honey… with all my heart… I'm on my way out, I have an appointment to take care of that other thing on my list. I'll email you tonight, maybe… call you again? Maybe… I don't like giving you a warning… no telling what you might do with the advanced notice… so… maybe… I'll call… maybe.   Your adoring wife! Love you! Bye!

 

 

Shawn sat with a look of disconcertion on his face. With his cheek resting in his hand, two fingers along his temple, his thumb beneath his chin, he stared at the email and then heard his mother chuckle over his shoulder. "I'm sorry son, I shouldn't be reading her emails to you like that. But… isn't she just adorable? I just love her… you go get that list done girl!" Gert cheered her on. Shawn glanced sideways up at his mother. "Oh son… come on… at least she's emailing you. At least you're not wondering if she's okay. Its not that bad is it? Besides, I think I really like the name Ian."

"Jesse – James… and I'm telling you now – she's asking for it! And I will be giving it to her!"

"Sounds like she's 'bout ready for it too son!" Gert guffawed walking away. Shawn sat up straight with his mouth open stunned at his mother's dirty innuendo. "Mother! Shame on you!"

"Oh give it a rest! How you think you got here?! You think your dad and I still don't get it on?!"

"MOM – I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT!" He shouted, making her laugh even harder and she started singing Marvin Gayes old hit, "Let's get it on… aaaah baby… let's get it on."

 

Chapter 88

 

Tuesday in Wisconsin…

 

"Why are you there so early in the morning? I called your mobile number all evening and couldn't reach you. I finally had to track this number down from Kathy Ann. Why haven't you been by the house?!" Doris asked on the phone as Jake took a break. Last evening Crystal and Mundo had come to see about him and what he might need them to do to help. He had them pack up all of the kitchen and take it across the road. Everything! Food from the cabinets, pots, pans, dishes, glasses, silverware, wall decorations, appliances and other bits and pieces in there carrying them across the road to the kitchen there. Then Mundo helped him disconnect the cabinets from the wall, carrying them out into the garage as well the stove and the refrigerator, after Crystal emptied it. Mundo was back Tuesday morning helping carry out all the stuff he stripped away from the walls down to the tiles on the floor. Crystal's sons were in the back yard playing as he stood watching them from the kitchen window. She was off to school and Mundo was supposed to be baby sitting them. Distracted Jake had to bring himself back to what Doris was asking him.

"Doris is your memory slipping? Did I not say to you, that I was helping my brother get his stuff done on this house?"

"Helping Jake… you said helping! Seems like to me you're doing it! Are you even going home?"

"No… I've been staying here, working late on it, and then up first thing in the morning. I want this kitchen stripped bare, and then I can start on the addition that will be connected to it. Making the door bigger and changing the layout, I wanna get it done. I won't be finished when Shawn gets back here, but at least the foundation and frame work will be up."

"Umm, excuse me… I know you wanna help out… but isn't that for Shawn to do? You have your own life and things to do. For one thing, I haven't seen you since Saturday! It is now Tuesday. When are you going to break away from that?!"

"Doris… I took off of work to help get this done! What does that tell you?"

"Well I'm gonna come by there."

"For what?! Don't come by here… I don't have time for visitors!" He snapped. Peaking at the boys again, he saw Mundo out there with them and sighed in relief, turning from the window.

"What's nibbling up your ass? I just wanna come by and see what you're doing. Spend a little time with you… good grief!"

"Don't you have to work today or something?"

"I called in."

"Good for you."

"What are you up to Jake?"

"What? What do you mean?"

"I mean… what are you up to? Something's going on, and I wanna know what it is!"

"I'm not up to anything! I'm working on my brother's house!"

"Why don't you want me to come there then?"

"Because I'm busy! I'm working!"

"You're not at work! You're just at that house… helping… as you call it – him do some things, why don't you want me there?"

"You're getting a bit possessive aren't you? You're not my wife!"

"Yeah but I've been like your wife for six fucking years Jake! I've put up with your shit! I've walked away from a good life to be with you! You're not gonna fuck me over! I can tell you that now!"

"If your life was so fucking good, why'd you walk away from it? You had a goddamn husband, but you let me get in there … why?! You wanna know why I went for it, to screw him – by screwing you! Had he ever told you that? Hm… or have you been pretending not to know?!"

"If that's true, if that's all you wanted me for, why'd you stick with me for so long?"

"When I figure that out, I'll let you know."

"What, did you meet someone else? Is that what this is all about? Is that why you're being so mean… please Jake… come on. Okay I'll tell you what… you go ahead and do what you need to do there. Then come by my house later… okay? I'll fix a really nice supper for you."

Jake stood quiet a moment thinking. He didn't know what was coming over him. For some weird reason, he was lashing out at Doris, who had been the one sure thing he could depend on. No, he wasn't in love with her, but they'd been together for quite some time if six years was anything to go by. He knew that he was acting crazy. He took a deep breath and gave in. "All right… I'll be by there later." He could hear the sigh from her over the phone.

"Okay… I'll fix you something really special. Anything in particular you wanna eat?"

"No… whatever you fix is fine."

"Okay… I'll see you later then… about six?"

"Yeah… six is fine."

"Okay… I'll see you then."

Jake clicked the phone off and turned to look out the kitchen window again, the kids were no longer in the back yard. He heard them in the basement, Isaac's voice, and then the babies voice…and next, Mundo laughing at something they said. He could hear him putzing around in the kitchen, probably about to fix them something to eat. Jake checked his watch, it was almost eleven o'clock. He was starving. Mundo called him from the basement just then.

"HEY JAKE… WANT SOMETHING TO EAT MAN?!!"

He walked to the basement door and looked down to see Mundo looking up at him, to see Darren run up to Mundo's leg , glaring at him laughing and ran off. Jake chuckled. "What you fixing?"

"I'm fixing them a peanut butter and jelly sandwich-…" Mundo was cut off by Darren running to his leg again and yelling up at Jake, with his fist balled up, "Fissin' pe'but budda – jelly'sammich! I hun'ry… fiss'it NOW!!" He yelled out and hit Mundo's leg, who looked down at him as if he'd lost his mind. Then up at Jake, who was chuckling at the sight of it. "See what I go through… is his ass crazy o' what?! Hang on man… I'mo fix it for you!"

"Fiss'it NO-O-OW! I HUN'RY!!"

"Mundo feed him, and I'll order us a pizza – hell two… I'm as hungry as he is." Jake called down and quickly did so while Mundo got the boys fed. When Jake walked down to the basement, it was to see the boys sitting at the small table, both of them with peanut butter and jelly sandwich's, a banana pealed for each of them, cut up into little circles and a pudding cup waiting for them. Darren wanted his now.

"When you get done with that sandwich and the banana's, you'll get your pudding cup." Mundo told him. He wasn't listening, his little hand was held out for the pudding cup. "Put yo'hand down man, gotta eat all that first!" Mundo repeated.

"Darren eat your udder food first! Then you get your puddin' cup… like me… see… I eat all mine, so now I get my cup. Right Uncle Mundo?"

"Yep… here's your spoon, and your pudding." He passed it to him.

"NOOOOOOO – MIIIIIINE!" Darren screamed reaching from his chair to grab it from Isaac.

"Boy! This one yours! You got to eat first!"

"Noooooo!" He went on.

Jake watched Mundo deal with them patiently. As he watched them, something occurred to him, he'd never fed his sons. Not once. Not once in all of their lives had he prepared them anything to eat and then patiently fed it to them. Mundo was there uncle, yet he was doing something that Jake had never taken the time to do. His sons had always been taken care of by his mother, Shanna before she married and left home, or Kathy Ann. He'd never really been left alone with them other than when he went to get them and brought them back to his moms. That wasn't often, because most of the time, their mothers brought them.

Suddenly Darren stopped arguing and got a highly concentrative look on his face, turning red, leaning to the side.

"Aaah shit! Is you takin' a shit man? Ah man… yo' ass need to be potty trained… now I gotta change your shitty ass diaper!" Mundo complained as Darren turned redder, straining to squeeze it out.

"Man look at his ass. Only a baby can get away with that shit! Just sit at the table and start shittin' yo' pants! Boy how come you didn't say boo-boo or ca-ca or somethin' goddamnit!"

"It's gone stink too Uncle Mundo… peeeuw! You should change him in there… the bat'room – I don't like to smell that." Isaac stated, then looked down at his chocolate pudding and sat it down on the table. "I don't think I want that no more."

Jake started laughing and couldn't stop, he was left wiping the tears from his eyes as he realized that he'd missed all the funny moments of his own three sons. Nor had he ever changed one of them… not once. Mundo lifted Darren up and walked to the bathroom to change him. Isaac sat making faces at his chocolate pudding, some of it on his lips, around his mouth. "Next time, I think I'mo have vo-nilla puddin'." He said to Jake.

"I think that's a good idea." Jake returned.

"Can you wipe my mush…got puddin' on it." Isaac said lifting his face up and pushing his mouth out for Jake to wipe it. Jake stood not sure of what to do. "Ummm, okay… let's see, napkin… we need a napkin right?" He asked looking around for one.

"Over there… by'da sink – wipes – pull one out… wipe my mush." Isaac instructed, still holding his lips up and out.

Jake went to the wipes dispenser, opened it, saw the little clothe tip, and gave it a pull. Then closed it back. Walking to Isaac, he knelt and gently stroked at his mouth, cleaning the chocolate away. Suddenly his chest tightened up on him. It was the first time he'd ever wiped a child's face…ever. He had three sons, he was going on forty and not one memory of taking part in their up bringing. He finished cleaning Isaac's face and looked around for a place to throw the cloth.

"Open that little door… right there, grandma keep the garbage thing there." Isaac directed again.

Jake opened it and threw it away.

A moment later, Mundo came out with a fresher Darren who was grinning and demanding his pudding. Jake sat at the table just watching them. The pizzas came and he passed the money to Mundo to run up and pay and bring them down. Jake must have sat in that one spot, eating his pizza watching the kids and the way Mundo was with them, observing how Mundo ate pizza and shared much of it with them. Jake smiled to see that Darren and Isaac ate two whole slices and enjoyed it. He didn't know that little kids like that could eat pizza. As he sat, he thought about Derrick, with his children. He thought about Shawn, with Angela and how excited he was about the one on the way. He thought about Dennis, how he was with his sons in Sheila's absence. He was trying to figure out why all of these things were on his mind suddenly. He had three sons, that in all honesty, he barely knew, and they barely knew him. He'd been nothing more to them than the one who paid their mother's  child support. His mother or sisters had gotten all of their birthday presents. Had purchased all of their Christmas presents. He'd only provided the money… they did the rest. They had his name, they knew that he fathered them – but that was it.

He had been quietly watching for so long that Mundo looked over at him and asked, "Hey Jake… you alright man?"

"Yeah… I'm okay. Put the rest of this in the refrigerator… Crystal may want some when she gets home from school." He said standing, there was plenty left. "I better get back to work."

"Thanks for the pizza! If I get them to take a nap… I'll be back to help you some more."

"Don't worry about it… if you can you can. From this point on, you'll have to use the front door or the basement door and stairs to get in and out of the house, I'm getting ready to tear away the ones at the kitchen door."

"Okay… no problem."

Jake climbed back up the stairs and had to fight an overwhelming urge to keep going, to get in his truck and head for Chicago. He fought the urge and channelled his energy into taking the stairs out and stacking the wood from them, then next he turned to clearing the area behind the garage. He worked non stop with Mundo finally joining him with the boys down for a nap. Crystal showed up later on and took possession of the boys leaving Mundo to help him. By five thirty, they had the measured area dug out, levelled and framed up to pour the concrete just as Shawn had it planned out. Tomorrow, they would pour the concrete.

Jake thanked Mundo, told them to lock up the kitchen door, he still had the key Shawn gave him. He headed for home. There he took a shower and by the time he got out of it, it was twenty minutes to six. He sat on his bed and didn't feel like going. He was exhausted. He laid back for just a moment, intending to go anyway, with his arm over his eyes, he lay there, nothing but a towel wrapped around his lower body. As he lay there, the strangest thing happened. He realized he was lonely. Lonely and alone. His one hand rubbed over his stomach and then taking him by surprise, he felt tears well up in his eyes. The radio was softly playing Tim McGraw and Faith Hill, "It's your love." He couldn't bring himself to get up and change the station, so he endured the music. Didn't matter what song was playing on the radio, it wouldn't change one startlingly ugly reality…  he was alone, with no one to love… but Neil Foster's ex-wife… Doris. At fifty-two she was beyond the years of child bearing, and if she weren't… it wouldn't matter. Nowhere in him could he find the motivation to be serious with her. To settle down with her, to marry her. She waited for him now. But his mind… his mind… was in Chicago….

 

Chicago…

 

Vivian hated playing Sade… but she couldn't bring herself to turn her off. She felt the way Sade sang. Low, blue, melancholy… lonely… alone. She walked around her home, her arms wrapped around herself, realizing she would leave this place one day. Perhaps… one day soon. Then what? "Where will I go?" She wondered as she walked around, listening to the low raspy voice of the blues jazz singer. Vivian went pass her phone and stood staring at it. She wanted to pick it up… and dial his number. She closed her eyes and turned away trying to dismiss the ridiculous idea. There was no way she could bring herself to speak to him again. It seemed that all they ended up doing was yelling at each other anyway. Being totally honest with herself, she knew that she was the cause of that. She couldn't help it. While she wanted him with all of her might, she was equally fearful of him. Of what it could mean for her if she were to allow herself to get seriously involved with him. What if for some reason, it didn't work out. What if she ended up going to bed with him, and then he rose, said "Thanks." and walked away and never came back. Vivian knew she couldn't take it. No… she could not make the next move. He had to. He would have to come to her. If she went to him, called him… let him know that she was crazy as hell over him, he would use her, then discard her. She just couldn't do it. Her stomach ached and she needed something to do. But there was nothing for her to do. She wish she knew where Sylvia was, she would invite her to come there to have someone to talk to. She couldn't bring herself to call Sheila, she didn't wish to be mothered. Finally she sat on her sofa and immediately her mind settled in to day dream about him. She went over every inch of his face and body, trying to find the flaw that would repel her. She needed to find something, because knowing what under handed deeds he'd been up to wasn't enough. All she could see, feel and taste was what was right about him. The solidness of his body. The strength of his hands as they pulled her close to him. The force of his tongue as it played with her own. The pounding of his heart against her breasts. The force of his erection against her lower region, bringing her to a moist throb just thinking about it.

She threw herself back on the sofa and grabbed her remote and clicked her television on. On Channel nine, the movie with Clark Gable and Claudette Colbert was coming on, "It Happened One Night." She shot up and rushed around her house turning off all the lights, clicking her stereo and Sade off, then into the kitchen she popped herself some microwave popcorn, poured it in a bowel, and then went and made herself comfortable in the corner of her sofa to watch the old black and white film. Praying as she did, they would play another one like this, one after another until she fell asleep and didn't make a fool out of herself and call Jake.

 

In Wisconsin…

 

 

Jake showed up, he was late… but he made it there. He took the time to patiently explain to Doris what he was doing for Shawn and why. He wanted her to know that he had a great deal to make up to him. She was understanding. She listened and said all the right things. She'd prepared him a delicious dinner. Spaghetti and meatballs, with the sauce poured over the noodles just the way he liked it. Then she disappeared and slipped into something she thought was appealing. Enticing Jake, leading him to her room. There, they both stripped down, doing all the familiar things they liked prelude to having sex, they were both ready. Then something happened that forever changed things. Jake entered her body and went completely soft. No matter what she did, he couldn't keep an erection. He reached down and pushed her head away. "Stop Doris… stop…"

"It's okay Jake… it happens. No big deal… you'll be okay. You're just tired that's all. You need to relax, maybe get some sleep." She whispered softly, coming up beside him in the bed, leaning down to kiss him. He turned his face away. "Don't… chill okay…"

"What's wrong Jake… I don't get it? What's wrong? Its not me is it?" She asked desperately.

Jake couldn't answer her, didn't want to answer her. He sat up suddenly.

"I think I should go."

"I was right earlier wasn't I? You've met someone else! Who? Who is she? Tell me… who is she!?" Doris demanded.

"Doris… we're not getting anywhere. You and I – where can we go from here?" He asked trying to reason with her.

"What do you mean where can we go from here?! We could get married Jake! We could buy a home… open a business! We could do something!" She pleaded.

He sat looking at her a moment and then turned away, "Put some clothes on."

She gasped, a look of hurt and humiliation crossing her features. She scrambled from the bed grabbing her gown up as she went. Jake reached down and picked up his underwear, his pants and shirt, standing he turned to walk to her bathroom to dress and leave, and stopped stunned. Doris was standing with her gown on and a gun pointed at him.

"What the… what are you doing?"

"You think you can just use me and use me… then when you've had enough… find someone new and just drop me like nothing! LIKE NOTHING!! I GAVE UP MY FAMILY FOR YOU!!! I GAVE IT ALL UP… FOR YO-O-OU! WELL YOU WANT IT TO BE OVER JAKE?!! I CAN MAKE IT BE OVER… OVER FOR GOOD!!!"

"Calm down Doris… calm down."

"NO! Don't tell me to calm down! You're not gonna humiliate me this way! I'm not gonna let you!"

"Who said anything about us breaking up? Did I say that?" Jake felt his heart pounding as he tried to figure a way to get to her, to get the gun.

"I'm not stupid Jake! I know what's going on! This is it for us… isn't it? ISN'T I-I-I-IT!" She screamed with the gun shaking, pointing at his chest. She began sobbing, "You're not gonna leave me in shame! Have people laughing at me! Have him laughing at me!" She thought of her ex-husband, who was now married with two children by a younger wife. The thing about it was, he hadn't left her for the younger woman, she'd left him for the younger man. They would laugh at her. Everyone would laugh at her. Her children. Her family who told her she was insane for leaving Neil for someone like Jake with his reputation. Yes, even Neil had called her an idiot and a fool! Yelling that Jake cared about no one but Jake.

"Doris… that's crazy… who's going to laugh at you… no one… no one. Come on now… put the gun down… I'll stay… okay… I'll stay with you tonight. Would that make you feel better?"

"Then what about tomorrow? When you leave… I'm not crazy… you won't be back… it's over… I know – I know it's over… I can tell. You've found someone else." She sobbed, staring at him. "I loved you so much Jake. All I ever wanted was someone like you! I would have done anything for you. I could make you happy if you would just let me try."

"Okay… we'll try okay?"

"Aaah Jake… come on… I know when its over… I can tell. You never loved me – anyway… never loved me… never once said it."

"I love you… okay… see… I love you."

"No… you don't… you think I'm ugly, repulsive. You said… put some clothes on… oh god… oh god… what have I done… what have I done!" She cried shaking and then taking Jake totally by surprise, she turned the gun, put it in her mouth and pulled the trigger, a resounding pop shocked him. The blast shook Jake as he watched blood shoot from the back of her head, spraying the wall behind her.

"NOOOOOOOOO!!! NOOO NOOO NOOO NOOO NOOO – FUCKIN' NOOOO – OOOOH MAN… WHY'D YOU DO THAT!??!! Oh God… why'd you do that?! Oh – my – god!" Jake dropped to his knees and began sobbing as he crawled to her, lifting her head as blood poured from the back. He leaned back and shouted out in agony, the power of his sobs threatening to rip the blood vessels in his neck.