Written by Mercedes Keyes
Interracial Drama Series
Overall rating R

Chapter 61

 

Sylvia was starting to feel overwhelmed with Shawn. Being with him, as had been the case with Armundo brought to mind an old saying that was certainly true, "You don't know a person until you live with them."

Just as Armundo had shown only one side of himself until they married and then the other man that he was came out – so it was happening again with Shawn. She was starting to have her doubts. He was larger than life – aggressive. This life of peace and tranquillity that she worked to obtain was unravelling at the seams. She was trying to reason with herself, trying to get a grip on her feelings, on her fears… but he was choking her sense of well being. Living with violence for so much of her life had been disturbing for her, yet, after all that Armundo had done to her, she'd stayed with him. She was not a violent person by nature, everything connected with it, put her system through a wringer, and so she preferred to stay clear of it. All she wanted was a quiet life, flowers and vegetables in the garden, happy visits from her family and restful evenings at home. She wondered was she asking too much? 'Maybe so.' She thought, because there was no reasoning in her mind that she could justify ever parting ways with Shawn when he wasn't even half as bad as Armundo had been to her.

Shawn didn't hit her, and she suspected that he never would. Shawn didn't curse her or demean her. She doubted that he would ever cheat on her, yet Armundo had done all of those things and she'd stayed with him. Thus the comparison left her wondering what was the problem? It wasn't as if she didn't love him, she knew that she did, and she was carrying his child. No she hadn't wanted any more children in the beginning, but that had been because she'd had to basically raise her first two alone, Armundo had contributed very little to their upbringing other than to tell them be quiet, or shout, "GO TO BED!" Her first marriage had felt like a prison sentence and now, it was causing her to cringe at the tiniest problems brought on by Shawn…because between the two men, during that short time period of respite, she had known independence and peace. Every new interruption to it irritated her, made her wish it back. No such thing was going to happen, because there was Shawn in her life now. She fantasized about an arrangement were he could live somewhere else, come and give her a little time, attention, some loving, occasionally some wild sex, then back off to his world to leave her in her little perfect, peaceful cocoon. She wondered, was that what was called having your cake and eating it too? Having everything… your way. No drama, no stress, no decisions, no sacrifices, just mellow sweet bliss.

Since Shawn, her life was anything but that. Yet… as she watched them before her, Kathy Ann, Shanna and Shawn with Angela sent to the basement to play on the PlayStation until the adults talked, she realized that was just a dream and that that respite she'd enjoyed and missed so much was perhaps a little gift from GOD. Maybe it was a message to say, rest while you can. Reflect while you can. Grow while you can… because what's to come, well… the road ahead, its about to get rocky once again. And the man, he's going to be teaching you the second part of your lessons for life. Rest time is up, he's coming your way… and he's a humdinger! Hope you're ready. Sylvia sighed, she wasn't ready, but she knew it was time to get ready. She'd gained so much strength and determination for herself, but it was slowly draining from her, like a car battery sat on concrete, her power was waning.

She knew that being pregnant the first few months would make her emotional and tired. 'God… was this too your plan for me? I'm 38 years old and pregnant and this man you sent me, did you happen to hear that he wants more… maybe two more? Funny how I sometimes forget that I'm actually pregnant. Only remembering in the mornings when I rise. Heavenly father, if he is my test… help me not to fail it please… because as you know, it has crossed my mind to just flee, and once again… be free.' Sylvia shook off the nonsense prayer, running was not the answer, but working it out in her mind to accept who this man was – is the answer.

Whomever he was. Every new week, she discovered something new about him, and stood mesmerized by his stance, his solid body, his gestures, his smell, his smile. His laughter and that mischievous twinkle in his eye. To hear his voice, stirred her innards. To receive his touch, sent shivers through her, thrilling her, enrapturing her. Then to stand witnessing his bursts of anger – that too… gripped her deep within, exciting her while shocking her. Shawn… no… there was no way for her to return to that all so important morning that she hobbled across the road and asked for his help… bats. 'Two freakin' scary looking bats, got me into this shit!' She thought, wondering if they were indeed, the works of the father… or the devil.

The things they were saying seemed to mesh together in one muffled sound as she'd drifted in thought. Shaking off her trip into wonderland she tried to get back into what was being discussed. Just an hour earlier – Shanna and Kathy Ann had brought Angela home from school for them as Shawn asked them to, then they both stopped and began talking to her when she had a ton of things on her mind that needed to get done. For one, she had to contact her mother and make arrangements for her to come up. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate their company, but she was still a bit shaken from Jakes visit. He was driving her crazy, she knew for certain that he'd been sent by the devil. So bad she wanted to tell Shawn about him, but she didn't trust how he would handle it, even though she knew he would not attack her, that rage of his, it shook her up, disturbing her in a way she just didn't want to deal with, she didn't have the energy. There was also the added stress of coming between brothers, no – she would deal with Jake. He would have to learn that every woman he pursued would not just fall for him. There was only one man in her mind and heart 24/7 and that was Shawn Everett McPherson…period! So she would have to adjust to all of a sudden being thrust in the center of his family and them showing up at her home more and more. It wasn't until then that Sylvia realized she probably wasn't a people person – as in – too many people at once coming in on her.

However, her smile had been in place. Her hospitality was warm, not wanting them to think she didn't like them and didn't appreciate what was being done for their wedding. That day – was looming closer and closer, making her feel as if a noose around her neck was growing slowly uncomfortable. They settled in at the kitchen table and basically told her what was going on. That Shanna's husband was now stalking her. That he'd ignored the Ohio restraining order and was now here in Wisconsin, trying to persuade Shanna to come back to him. While she could totally relate to Shanna, had been in a very similar situation herself she couldn't shake the feeling of trepidation that was slowly creeping up the back of her neck. It finally dawned on her that they were there to inform Shawn of this. Well, not Shanna, but Kathy Ann was, who kept overriding Shanna's request not to involve her brother.

Sylvia stood stuck, frozen as to what to say. What to do. She didn't want to come off as if she didn't care about what happened to Shanna, but to thrust Shawn in the midst of it wasn't the answer to this problem either, it could only create more problems… especially with his temper. As everyone came back into focus and the topic regained clarity Sylvia's stomach tied up into knots. 'Drama – drama – drama.' She thought while listening. Just a moment ago she was struggling with all these new discoveries about her future husband, and afraid she might not wish to deal with it all – and now she stood battling fears of him actually going up against this man, it all of a sudden dawned on her right then, that she probably couldn't live without him now. She couldn't imagine anything happening to Shawn, or having to deal with not seeing him each day. She shivered at the thought. According to Shanna, her ex wasn't just a bit screwed up in his thinking about hitting women, but that he was actually – sadistic! Armundo had been bad yes, but she didn't see him as "evil" – he was just very selfish, reckless and believing that if he felt it right to keep a woman in place by slapping her, or knocking her around a bit, then so be it. The thing about him was, that he often regretted it, truly felt bad after doing his deed, whatever that might have been, most of the time it was brought on by his drinking.

John Sykes was a different story, many of his acts had been done with him stone-cold-sober. There was a cruel streak  that ran clean through him according to Shanna, that was frightening.

Before Sylvia could get her concerns out… they heard Shawn's SUV pull into the yard. Because he saw Shanna's jeep, he came straight in instead of unloading the tools he and his father had just purchased. He walked in to see Angela at the table eating a grill cheese sandwich and veggie sticks that Sylvia fixed her for after school. "Pum'kin… take your food in the basement and eat while we talk." He stated. She looked up and around the room at the three women present, then resigned herself to obeying her father, grabbing her plate, she went down stairs as he directed.

He looked at his sisters and then Sylvia leaning against the sink. "I hope you guys weren't talking about certain things in front of Angela." He said to all present.

Sylvia looked him in the eyes and said, "Yes… we were."

"I don't want her exposed to whatever is going on." He informed them.

"Sorry, I'm going to have to disagree with you here dear. This is real life… and it's important that she learn early, how serious it is to get involved with the wrong man. She's been exposed to far worse on TV, none of which is going to benefit her one bit."

"She's too young Sylvia!"

"Shawn don't you dare fall into believing that – when it comes to young girls. The right seeds need to be planted in her mind now… she needs to grasp early on, that a smiling face on a man giving you a lot of attention doesn't mean that he means you any good."

"I agree with her." Shanna spoke up. "You guys protected me too much! By the time I got out into the real world, I was bowled over too soon, too easily and look where its gotten me. If she's willing to listen and learn… she needs to hear it."

"She's barely ten years old!" Shawn reminded them.

Kathy Ann stayed quiet because she and Shawn argued enough, she wasn't going to get him stirred up when she felt they needed to pool together for the sake of Shanna right now.

"Shawn… she's not going to stay nine, she's turning ten really soon, and then eleven… she'll began developing physically and get her first monthly, it won't be long now before boys come into the picture as well, we cannot wait until the last minute to start letting her see life as it is." Sylvia informed him.

"Look… let's not talk about that right now…okay." He said to Sylvia, then turned to Shanna, "What's going on?"

"Shawn… I wish Kathy Ann had not started telling you this. I don't want any problems."

"Tell me – what – is going – on." He repeated firmly, standing in the middle of the kitchen floor.

Shanna sighed closing her eyes looking away from him.

"Her soon to be ex is harassing her. Shanna had a restraining order put out on him in Ohio… obviously it doesn't cover once she leaves the state. He's here now, here in Wisconsin, I saw him in town talking to her."

Shawn stood a moment digesting that.

Sylvia felt her temples throbbing and went and sat at the table with the other two.

"What did he say to you Shanna?" He asked finally.

"He was trying to get me to listen to him, to come back to him."

Shawn stood thinking, eyeing her for a moment, then asked, "I need to know something here, why did you leave him? Second, is this for good… is this final?"

"Yes… it's final. I'm done with him, for good."

"Why?" Shawn asked, all he knew for certain was that she had that one healing black eye they witnessed the day of the sap rush, he needed the big picture, he needed to know exactly what was going on.

Shanna sighed, propping her elbow on the table and leaning her forehead into her palm, not wanting to tell him all the details of the nasty and horrible things John Sykes had done to her. "Tell him Shanna! Tell him what he's done to you!"

"Shut up Kathy Ann! God! Will you just back off for a moment!" She snapped.

"Tell me!" Shawn pressed.

"Shawn… listen to me. The date for my divorce is up in about 6 weeks. Until then, I'll just have to be careful and not go any-…"

"I don't wanna hear that right now. Answer the question that I asked you, why did you feel the need to leave him? Why do you need a restraining order? That's what I wanna hear."

Shanna took a deep breath and said, "It's none of your business Shawn. I'm asking you to stay out of it."

"He beat her friggin' ass on a regular basis! She's miscarried twice-…"

"SHUT UP KATHY! IT'S MY BUSINESS! STAY OUT OF MY BUSINESS!!" Shanna shot up from her chair to scream at her sister, who ignored her and stood as well.

"…-because that asshole beat her until she miscarried – both times! He's broken her arm, fractured her jaw-…"

"BUT ITS OVER NOW KATHY!! I LEFT!" She yelled and then turned to her brother. "I left Shawn… its over now."

Shawn stood with his jaw clenched tight looking down at her, imagining the things Kathy Ann just described.

"But he's here now right?" He asked her.

Sylvia felt that tightening in her gut, she could see it building in him, she sat back in her chair and covered her mouth, a gesture to keep quiet…for now.

"Yes." Shanna squeaked out.

"Does Jake know?" He asked.

"No… please Shawn, I'll go to the police and tell them what's happening and see what advice they'll give me."

"So… where's he staying?"

"I don't know Shawn…."

"What does he drive? What does he look like?"

"I'm not telling you! AND YOU!" She spun to Kathy Ann. "Don't you say another word! You do, and I'm gone! Do you understand me!?" She demanded of Kathy Ann and looked back at Shawn. "If you pursue this Shawn, I will leave town. I swear I will… I'll just go!"

"Is that how you're going to live the rest of your life! Hm? Rushing from one town to another to avoid this bastard?! Then he catches up with you, somewhere far away from your family… and you know what… we get to hear there's a dead Jane Doe that matches your description somewhere out there for us to come and identify! Then what do you suggest we do Shanna!? Hm? What then can we do… but bury you! I want the truth and I want it now – is he capable of that Shanna… is he? You tell me… is he capable of that?"

She began crying because she didn't know what to do. Shawn felt his insides on fire and pulled her into his arms hugging her close to him.

"Come on…" He coaxed gently stroking her hair, "Tell me, what does he drive?"

"Shawn! Please… don't." Sylvia asked from her chair afraid for him, she'd lost one husband – but this one… she couldn't bare the thought of losing him.

Shawn held his sister and fought back tears of anger. He couldn't take the idea of this man doing anything to harm his sister, the images of what she must have gone through surged through him powerfully. He glanced at Sylvia but had to look away from the expression on her face. How many times had his father drilled it into their heads, especially his head, it was a man's responsibility to protect his family, his women. Any man that would leave another to harm those within his household, was not a man. How many times had he been forced to endure his father in the barn. He was the oldest, the one to take the brunt of Bart in his early years. The years when Vietnam was still there in his mind. Those years he spent a great deal of his time exercising his demons. Doing whatever it took to get it through Shawn's head, that the oldest above all others had to be the strongest, toughest, to stand tall and do the most damage when it came time to protect the family. Repeatedly his father had pounded that into him, literally, forcing him to put on boxing gloves, a head guard and in the barn, when Shawn was barely 12, he began punching him in the chest, knocking him down, making him get back to his feet and clipping him to the head for falling so easily, emphasizing over and over, "Stand up! Brace yourself! Goddamn pretty boy! I barely touched you! You got to take it boy! You think that hurt? Them ain't no bullets hittin' you! Just my fist – got a glove on at that. Now hit me, and you best hit hard! When you punch, you punch your weight! You don't punch with your arm! You don't punch with your chest! You punch from your feet up – your weight boy – your weight! That first hit is suppose to knock seven layers of shit out of'em! You hear me boy!? Your brothers, your sisters… you don't let nobody harm them! 'specially your sisters! You gotta guard our women! You hear… you don't let nobody… come take our women! You fight, you fight to the death – you fight to kill! You hear me! Is that a tear? WHY YOU CRYIN'? Hm pretty boy?! Stop it! Dry your goddamn face – and you learn like I said… that way when they come… if I'm gone… you – you protect our women! The women – in your family – they belong to you! Like a lion of his pride, like a bull among his heifers, like a stallion among mares… you protect them with your dying breath! Now – stand strong… dry your eyes and don't you let me knock you over."

Shawn let her go and walked over to the sink, gripping it as he shivered trying to release the tension in his body. Trying to calm his anger. With his back to them, he reasoned with himself, he had to make them understand that he had no choice in this matter, wiping his hand over his face he turned to his future wife, "Sylvia… I know you don't understand… but, the choice is his Sylvia. If he chooses to step beyond the law and ignore her wishes; anything that happens, will happen because of the choices he made… you understand me?"

"Shawn let her try the police first, they have to be notified."

"Sylvia! You notified the police… didn't you? What if for whatever reason, I hadn't come home that night? Hm? Would the police have been here in time for you then? Well?"

Sylvia looked away from him crossing her arms and hating that he was right. Had he not come back when he had from California, had he not come back for his keys, if she had given them to him, her night with Ray Olivetti would have ended far from the way it had. She knew there was that possibility that he might have killed her, she grew quiet and more afraid for him, because for some reason, he seemed to take on the burden of trying to protect and carry everyone.

"Please Shawn… what you don't understand is… he carries a gun." Shanna explained.

"Does he now… well the bastards gonna need it. I wanna know what he looks like, I wanna know what he drives."

"I'm not gonna tell you and if Kathy Ann says a word, I'm outta here."

Shawn stopped a moment trying to get his head around what to do, he couldn't just let it go, it was his responsibility to protect her. "Okay… okay, move here with me then. I have plenty of land on my property, let me set you up here where I can at least protect you. Mom and dad can't be expected to deal with this, if you're here with me, it won't leave you open to him. You can purchase one of those doublewides and move it on a lot here that I'll help you set up… please Shanna … that way if he comes on my land, on my property – its over… and he has no one to blame but himself. Do this for me, or I swear to God… I will find out what he looks like without you. I will find out what he drives myself… then its out of your hands."

Shanna looked over at Sylvia, "You haven't even talked to Sylvia about this Shawn!"

He looked at her then and waited for her to say something. Sylvia sighed deep and nodded her consent. It was better than him running off on a man hunt, but she wondered what Shanna had to invest in a doublewide mobile home? Something told her not much… Shawn would be the one to have to fork out the money to get this done, and she added up the expense of it in her head… she hoped to God their income stayed steady from his work and the bed and breakfast worked out, because by the time all was said and done, they're combined incomes would be quickly diminishing. In retrospect, it didn't matter, this was about family… and right now, Shanna needed to be somewhere safe.

 

After Shawn's sisters left, Angela came up and began telling them about her first day at school. Her teacher was Mrs. Dearborn, especially passed to her class by the principle. Angela thought she was fantastic. She was an older woman about her fifties, heavy, tall and funny. She called all of her students sugardrop, and when they were being bad, her comment to them was, "You leavin' a bitter taste in my mouth, sugardrop, don't get spit out." Then everyone in the class would turn to that one and start making spitting noises making Mrs. Dearborn laugh as well, but with one look on her face, everyone would quiet down again. Angela explained how she was introduced to the class and was put up front to sit by the teacher and for the day, every student had to walk up to her, introduce themselves and tell her a rule of Mrs. Dearborn and a good thing about being in her class. Anytime a new student came into her class, it was up to the students to make her laugh and feel apart, this was how she taught them all, socializing skills, their efforts were worth half a grade, this meant volunteering to help her get caught up as well. Because of that, Angela already had three new friends.

Shawn and Sylvia were delighted as she, full of animation and laughter told about some of the things that took place that day in school. She was actually sad that it was a Friday and now she would have to wait the entire weekend before she went back to school on Monday. Sylvia tried to stay focused on what she was saying, she did a good job of being happy for her. Shawn noticed this as well, he noticed everything about Sylvia. Any time they were in a room together, a great deal of that time he spent looking at her. Reading her, studying those dark eyes, getting to know the little changes that identified a mood swing to him. Right then, he knew that something was on her mind. He waited until after dinner, which he volunteered to cook. He made a spinach, egg, bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes and onion skillet dish very similar to quiche, with grated cheddar cheese on top, and garlic bread. It was delicious, Sylvia and Angela enjoyed it giving their compliments to the chef. After they spent time in the basement playing with Angela, by 9:30, they wrapped up the evening sending Angela to bed, always with Sylvia there hugging her goodnight as well her father.

Sylvia stood in their bathroom in one of her mid thigh night shirts, brushing her teeth after she washed her face, getting ready for bed when he showed up in the bathroom door drying his hands after cleaning the kitchen, leaning there watching her. She rinsed her mouth out, spit and was rinsing out her tooth brush when he asked.

"You mind telling me now what's wrong?" He asked low.

"Nothing is wrong."

"Sylvia… I know better, you've got that face on."

"What face?" She turned asking.

"That – I'm not happy face. That – something is wrong face. Now what's wrong?"

"Shawn… you're doing it again… if I haven't volunteered any information, then… don't worry about it okay?"

"You can just forget that… because there is no way in hell, I can lay in that bed knowing there's something wrong with you. No way – in hell."

"Well I guess you'll have to, won't you?" She returned going to walk pass him out of the bathroom, but he blocked her from leaving by putting an arm up across the door. She went to duck beneath it and he went down with her, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her up against him, almost off the floor. With her hands pressed against his chest, she pushed, "Shawn… let go, stop it now." She pleaded.

"I wanna know what's wrong with you, so you might as well quit pushing, stop your struggling and talk to me, or else I can stand here holding you all night."

"Ugggh! That's the problem! That is the problem!" She growled out in a whisper, hoping their voices didn't carry through the walls to Angela.

"What?" He asked, still unwilling to let her go.

"You…" She stopped, so frustrated that she couldn't think. "…will you let me go?!"

"You gonna talk to me?"

"Yes!"

He let her go and followed her into their room, tossing the kitchen towel in the chair asking her right away after she put some distance between them. "Well let's hear it." He prompted.

"Shawn… you've got some serious issues going on. This is not what I expected – you – well… I didn't expect it to be this way, you to be this way."

"What way?" He asked.

"Shawn… you're… you're… too aggressive! Sometimes… too demanding… you… order people about, and make demands as if you're in charge of them. And your temper, Shawn you have – a bad temper! Honestly, I think you need to consider anger management… really you do."

"Have I ever lost my temper with you?" He asked.

"No… not really… its just that-…"

"Then what are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about how you do things… how far you go. Like today at the school-…"

"I'm not gonna apologize for that… they pissed me off, I think I'm a lot better than I use to be, there was a time when my reaction would have been a lot stronger, but I have come to realize everything can't be settled with my fist and knocking the daylights out of people."

"Oh my goodness! I don't believe this… I don't get it, after hearing the type of family you come from, I thought… I thought-…"

"You thought what?"

"Will you give me a minute here to think! Geez Shawn!" She snapped. "For some reason, I thought you to be a more milder, more laid back, relaxed and an at ease type of man. In the beginning, you seemed to be un-fazed and … and… gentle… and… funny… flirtatious and … I don't know."

"I am with you… I would never hurt you Sylvia… not ever. Surely you know that?" He asked coming closer to her, she moved back.

"Wait… stop… don't – I'm not done yet."

He stopped, "Okay what?"

"You… you scare me sometimes Shawn, when you get angry… I'm not… afraid of you… but… you scare me. You make me fear, what you're capable of. The way you react to things, it makes me afraid sometimes-…" She stopped herself. She was burning to tell him about Jake… but he would push to know everything… and she'd already lied once in the hotel that Jake hadn't been bothering her. She knew if he found out that his brother had actually pinned her against the wall and kissed her, he would no doubt go through the roof. And that he'd come there, while he was gone, sneaking in on her – she could not bring herself to tell him.

"Sometimes… what?" He wanted her to finish. "What is it that you should ever fear my reactions to?" He asked.

"Nothing… right now…" She lied again, feeling it lodge in her throat. "…its just that as days move forward to our wedding day… I feel that… you're gonna end up being even more aggressive, even more angry… and you do have instances of anger Shawn. Then there's this situation with Shanna and her ex – I don't want you dealing with him Shawn."

"What?! What are you saying… you don't want her to move here?! Is that what this is about?"

"No Shawn! Did I say that? Did I say I didn't want her to move here?!"

"What are you saying then Sylvia?!"

"Did you hear what she said Shawn… he has a gun!"

"That's okay because I'm getting one too." He informed her.

"What?! No Shawn! No guns!"

"Sylvia! Its not open to discussion…not this one."

"Oh yes it is open to discussion!!! Yes it is! I don't want a gun in my house!"

"It is not just your house! Not anymore… its our home! And I will not leave my family at risk to some ass hole coming in and doing them harm! I'm getting a gun, you might as well get use to the idea."

"They're not safe Shawn!"

"Guns are harmless Sylvia… its the person that's holding it that makes all the difference."

"I don't – want a gun – in this house!"

"I fear we've reached an impasse my dear… because I'm not backing down. It is my responsibility to protect all those belonging to me-…"

"We are not your belongings Shawn! You don't own us!"

He walked up on her then, making Sylvia suck in and hold her breath for just a second bracing herself at the fierce and aggressive set of his jaw, clenched and unyielding. "You – are my wife! No… maybe no papers are signed, maybe no vows yet have been said – okay? But you are mine… that child in your womb that you carry is mine! Angela… mine! Right now, my sister has no one to protect her, that falls to me… I am her blood… her older brother! Any man who does not protect those of his household… is not a man." The look on his face gripped Sylvia, sometimes she felt as if she didn't know him, his features even changed into someone fierce.

"Shawn? You are a man… why are you so fiercely driven to prove it? With you Shawn, I've never felt more safe in all of my life. But… there's a point at which… you go a bit beyond what is called for." She tried to reason with him as he stood over her. "You can't be everywhere, and protect everyone… and a gun? Shawn please… what about the baby, our kids… you hear it all the time on the news… children killing themselves or others because-…"

"Their parent or parents were careless with it… that's why! My father has always had a gun in the house…. we never shot anyone! We knew better than to touch that gun, or his 6 rifles. There has always been weapons in our home. When my brothers and I were old enough, we were taught how to use them, we were told and we listened, because Bart would knock us clean out for any bit of foolishness when it came to them."

"So what are you saying Shawn… you gonna knock the hell out of our son too?"

"Did I say that? I would never abuse my son, nor any of our children if we have more. But they will learn and understand that I am not to be crossed in certain matters, that gun will most certainly be one of them. In the meantime, I promise you this. It will never be carelessly left. During the day, it will be locked away. Every morning the chamber will be emptied and it-…"

"What do you mean every morning? You plan to load it at night?"

"Yes I do. Sylvia… to what benefit will an empty gun serve?"

"No Shawn… I can't deal with this. I'm sorry… I'm sorry… what if one of my kids for some reason just show up?"

"Sylvia… it is very unlikely that they will in the middle of the night try to break in. They will knock, they will call, we will know the difference between family and someone who is being sneaky and quietly trying to break in. As a matter of fact, they will be here tomorrow… I'm going to have a long talk with Mundo and Crystal so they know."

"This is too much… its too much Shawn… I can't deal with it."

"What can't you deal with?!" He snapped.

"You! You taking over my life and making all these changes and denying me a say in it!"

"I've denied you a say in nothing but this! This is the only time I've put my foot down and refused to move… the only time! Get this through your head here and now, I'm the man in this relationship… you don't get to take that away from me! NOR – am I going to give it to you! So if you feel you're better suited to some cowering little, snivelling, soft ass whatever – who is willing to let you run roughshod all over him, that jumps at your every command, afraid to exercise his right for fear of inciting your displeasure… you're with the wrong man! You know I love you Sylvia, I would do anything in the world for you! However, you don't get to emasculate me! You don't get to take my manhood from me."

They stood staring at each other, as Shawn said… at an impasse. Shawn's heart was beating madly in his chest, wondering what would he do if she wouldn't back down. He wondered how he would be able to deal with being turned out because of this one stand with her, but he couldn't and wouldn't give in this… there was a point where a man had to stand strong and not back down.

"Well?" He asked.

"God help you Shawn if something should happen to one of my children because of that gun… because if it does, I swear to GOD, I will never forgive you."

"I'm not a careless little boy Sylvia. Neither was I born yesterday… I'm fully aware of all the dangers, and will consistently see to the safety of our children knowing that its in the house. I'm fully aware of the deadly responsibility… and I am very equipped with all the faculties necessary – to see it through. Its my right to bare arms, and I am going to."

"Well… I guess there is nothing more to be said." She stated and turned walking to the bed and climbing in, getting under the covers and turning towards the bathroom.

Shawn stood in the middle of the floor staring at her back and ample hip rounded under the covers. He walked over to the chair, picked up the kitchen towel and took it back into the kitchen. Making his rounds, he checked and locked all of the doors, leaving a light on in the kitchen above the sink. Back in their room he went to the bathroom, brushing his teeth, emptied his bladder, washed his hands and then his face, clicked the light off, walking around the bed he pulled his shirt off and took off his pants, tossing both to the chair, leaving him in his briefs and climbed in next to her, getting close up behind her to put his arms around her, she was stiff and unresponsive to him. He sighed. "How long are you going to stew in this… hm?" He asked leaning up to look down at her, reaching to move her hair back so he could see her face. She slapped at his hand. He grinned and pulled it away, then using his finger, he tickled in her ear and snatched his hand away quick before she could slap it again, chuckling so his body shook behind her. Then went to tickle it once more.

"Will you stop it!" She snapped looking back at him in the dark room as he leaned partially over her.

"Don't be mad at me Sylvie… come on… don't be like this." He whispered softly, pleading as he put his arm around her waist pulling her back against him, she grabbed at his arm and wasted time and energy trying to move it off of her. Shawn wasn't even straining with her hand tugging on his arm as he pulled her back despite her efforts. "Will you let me go?" She hissed.

"Now you know the answer to that. Come on Sylvie… is being with me so bad as this? Is it? Am I really that bad? I would grant you anything your little heart desires, but I can't give you this one."

"Then that's not everything my little heart desires is it?"

"A mans gotta have at least a little say in his home, Sylvie." He whispered gently, using a voice that was guaranteed to sooth her, and it was working. She hated it, but he had a certain control over her body aside from whatever thoughts might be on her mind. Making things tougher, he began caressing her gently, touching her as if to sooth an unpredictable mare. Whispering little soft words over her as he touched her, "If I were any other way… than the way I am now… would you respect me? Hm?" He asked at her neck, his warm breath stirring her. "Would you look up to me Sylvie…hm?" He squeezed her shoulder and then went beneath the covers. "Or down your nose in disdain… were I any other way? Hm?" He kissed her neck and her head shifted just enough to show, he was gaining on her. She felt his hand on her thigh, pushing her top up her hip, his body slowly grinding up behind her so she could feel him nudging her, prodding… he was hard.

She closed her eyes hating it as heat and moisture gripped her, making her throb and swell with each touch of the dull head. Then there was his hands… the moment they touched her like this, some weird malfunction happened in her brain, scrambling all thought and reasoning. He was pushing her to her stomach, coaxing her to turn over, and she did as he moved her pillow aside so she could lay flat… her breathing growing deeper as he worked her night shirt up her back… kissing each new inch of exposed skin. He shifted and took her hem and lifted it up and off of her, pulling it free of her arms, leaving her with only her panties on as his hands touched her back, the tips of his fingers massaging, caressing, kissing. "You… you lady… you know what you do to me." He breathed in deep inhaling the scent of her as he kissed down her back, his tongue flicking into the column of her spine, his hand pushing now at her underwear as his mouth tasted further. "Sylvie…" His kissed and inhaled the scent of her clean skin, touching it with his tongue, "Sylvie… you're mine…" His voice filled with passion, pushing her underwear down to her knees, then catching them with his toes and pushing them the rest of the way off, leaving her splendidly naked and at his mercy.

"You're mine Sylvie… don't ever… forget that." He declared, massaging the cheeks of her butt, staring at the way her hips flared from her small waist, entranced by the brown round smooth perfection of her rear. Sylvia bit into her bottom lip as his caressed her skin, rubbing the cheeks of his face on the cheeks of her rump, tasting her skin there, and slowly, with no hurry… he worshipped her by kissing every inch of her round bottom, driving her insane as her breathing changed to small pants or passion. Slowly, unwilling to hurry, he moved further down and separated her thighs.

"Shawn…" She gasped grabbing the pillow beside her, pulling it back to her to grip and bite into as her mind turned to mush.

"What…"

She whimpered as she felt her thighs being moved wider apart, and the heat of his mouth was there, and then the first stab and flick of his tongue, "What Sylvie…" He asked again, hearing her gasp, her hips began squirming. "You know what I like about you… you're always… always… clean… and smell so good, I love the scent of you." His tongue probed and laved her until she thought she would lose her mind, he waited until she was on the brink and then leaned up and ordered, "Grab the ring… lub it… I need to be inside you." He instructed. She could barely catch her breath as she reached over to their bedside table, trying to ignore his fingers that were rubbing her moist wetness, caressing over her entrance as she opened the drawer and went toward the back of it. He came up over her back, kissing still, his middle fingers stroking her fires as she gyrated against them. He shifted, left off touching her to remove his briefs, kissing her back and rubbing his erection against her rear, then down against her wet clenching nether lips. She shook, trying to add lubricate to the ring he bought, finally, shaking she passed it to him, he slid it on and down his length to the base, then realigned his body, lowering himself, he entered her from behind.

"ACH! Oh – hell…oh… Shawn…" Sylvia shook her head, gasping from that first initial penetration of him, the size of him making her gasp every time.

"What…" He asked sliding himself in slowly, his eyes squeezing shut from the incredible sensation of her hot body sucking him in as she tightly gripped him. "Oh my god… you – feel – so good baby… you feel so good, oh yeah … grip me, squeeze me… ah yeah… like that." He pulled up trying to coax her to her knees, Sylvia shifted her rear high for him so he could kneel behind her and enjoy himself. With her heart pounding she pushed up onto her elbows, biting her tongue not to make a sound from the pleasure, with him moving in and out so slow and practiced, touching her as well, it was a struggle to keep quiet, her gasps and pants could not be stifled. He was in the mood that night to have her as long as he could, changing positions and withdrawing to touch her and drive her crazy again until she was squirming and whimpering for relief only for him to put her on her side with one leg up as he slid in, for the first time in some time, going a bit unrestrained, the moment she made indication of discomfort, he checked himself, wanting only to please her. He drug it out as long as he dared, finally ending with him on top and her legs down straight to minimize the amount pumping into her because Shawn was caught up in that old vinegar stroke, his body glistening with sweat, his back arching, tensed as he forced his groans to remain low, his hips rolling forward against her and back. Sylvia grabbed the pillow shoving it into her mouth, biting down hard as her body lost control, snapped and exploded – coming so hard she cried out into the pillow as madness and nothing else gripped her making her convulse, trembling with shivers to hear Shawn follow her, grunting deep and long as he too came.

They were both blowing and gasping for air when he collapsed beside her, "You okay?" He asked.

She smiled and nodded, unable to speak, still throbbing and sensitive. He looked down at himself and sighed, "You know what sucks… that I gotta get up and wash this thing now that we're done… my legs feel like rubber." He whispered chuckling, speaking of the ring.

"Stay there, I'll be right back." Sylvia whispered, climbing out of the bed and then stumbled realizing she too was a bit wobbly and dizzy, they both laughed. "Shhh you… be right back." She called grinning. He laid on his back with his arm over his head, a moment later she came out with a warm, wet, soapy cloth, and another one to dry him. Walking over to his side of the bed, she surprised him by gently cleaning him up, using careful, caring cicular motions, her hand cupping his testies and soft length; the warm soapy towel with her caressing hand sent Shawn into blissful  euphoria; all done she removed the ring as well.

"There… good as new."

"Aaah hell, you can do that all night… Godalmighty it must have been wonderful as a babe having your balls washed." Shawn groaned in bliss.

"Shawn!" Sylvia burst with laughter trying to cover her mouth not to laugh out loud.

"Please baby… wash'em again… I think you missed a spot… one more time… please? You can do that every time."

"I don't think so, I'm done washing your balls tonight. Be happy for that one treat." She grinned after drying him, and went back to the bathroom picking up her night shirt on the way. She was in there for about fifteen minutes and then came out with her night shirt back on, flicking off the bathroom light as she left it. She climbed back in bed with Shawn holding the covers open for her to climb in, he was still naked. He pulled her against him, hugging her close as if she were a life size teddy bear. "Sylvie?" He called her name sleepily.

"Yes Shawn." She answered and then yawned.

"I promise you, I'll be careful with it. Trust me please with this one."

She was quiet for sometime, he squeezed her again.

"Please…" He asked her again.

"Okay Shawn… okay."

"I love you Sylvie."

"I love you too Shawn… more than you'll ever know, please believe me that I do. I – I – can't live – without you Shawn… I can't live without you." Tears were rolling from her eyes when he grabbed her, squeezing her until she was breathless, kissing all over her face, that simple declaration gripped him so hard, he was kissing her mouth, tasting her tears. "Say it again Sylvie… say it just like that."

"I can't…live without you… I love you so much… I can't live without you." She sniffed and didn't care anymore because she knew it was true. Part of her fear was Jake, she hadn't told him and couldn't bring herself to. She felt ashamed of herself and guilty for it but she reasoned that they would be okay… no one would come between them. They settled down and was dozing off with Shawn's hand on her lower belly and suddenly his eyes popped open.

"Hey! We never got a call!" He realized.

"No we didn't." Sylvia realized too that her test must have come back normal and started grinning and snickering to keep quiet as Shawn went down her body to whisper, "Hey Lil'man! This is your dad talking… hang in there – it's only gonna be seven more months, and then we meet, I can't wait. And umm, you gotta excuse your ol'man tonight, I was feeling a bit randy, didn't mean to crowd you…"

Sylvia had both hands clamped tightly over her mouth laughing like crazy.

"…I'll try to keep the visits down, but if you see me coming… you better move your little ass over. Now… goodnight, get some sleep… so are we."

Sylvia was still laughing as he came back up top laughing as well.

"I should be ashamed of myself… I could'ah poke Lil'man's eye out." He lamented. Sylvia was out of control in a fit of giggles and laughter, "Sylvie that's not funny… Lil'man be laying in his crib with an eye patch on." She turned to her side laughing into the pillow, trying to keep quiet, Shawn was laughing too even though he was trying to make it out like it was just her. "Poor thing, I probably gave Lil'man his first piggy back ride."

"Don't say no more Shawn! Go to sleep… my po'baby… he probably gone have nightmares."

"That's okay, we'll let him sleep with us." He said.

"Oh no we not gone start that."

"Oh come on Sylvie please."

"No Shawn… in his crib."

"That's mean… hmph… we'll see." He muttered yawning, saying as he did, "We'll save that fight for another night… goodnight my wife."

"Goodnight… my husband."

 

---

Chapter 62

 

Earlier that same night…

 

Gert and Shanna stood in the McPherson farmhouse dinning-room wrapping gifts for Shawn and Sylvia's wedding, with Shanna discussing the idea that Shawn wished for her to move onto his property so that she would be better protected.

"Well, where you live my daughter is up to you. I'm glad you put your foot down with him and now at least its better than him going off half cocked looking for him."

"I'm just glad for that. I don't know momma, I look at Shawn now, the way he is, and the way he used to be when we was growing up – I don't understand it, why is he like that? He always seems to be … I don't know, tense, braced, on the edge."

Gert sighed thinking about that, about her children, especially her sons. Had she known way back when, what she knew now, the two may have turned out differently, Shawn and Jake. From the time of Jake being ten years old, he'd set out to irritate Shawn, harassing him every opportunity that was available until Shawn grew fed up, chased him down, wrestled him to the ground and pinned him, locking him into a painful position that made Jake finally cry out, promising to leave him alone. She stood there before Shanna almost in a trance  as her mind replayed images of her young Shawn. Seeing him as he had been then, she pinpointed the change in him as taking place somewhere around 11 to 12 years old. She had always figured that he might have peaked early into puberty, but now, she wasn't so sure. While Bart had indeed put a great deal on him, he at least seemed carefree up to those years.

"What are you thinking momma?"

"Ooooh, things. Things I suppose its too late to worry about now." She muttered low, again reflecting back so many years in her life, before she and Bart married and then after. Their relationship had been precarious, very rocky in the beginning, mirroring that time period back in the 60's.

"You know Shanna… my son has known nothing – but turmoil, back even to his early days in the womb." Gert said out of the thoughtful stillness, speaking about Shawn.

"You were just 16 when you had Shawn… my goodness momma."

"I know, that first year of his life, I was a lousy mother to him. Always taking off and leaving him with my momma and Ruthie." She thought about that time, looking up at her daughter, there was so much of her life her children knew nothing about… not even her daughters, some things she was proud of, some things not.

Shanna looked up realizing her mother was about to reveal something. That was rare. Her parents had a certain rule about sharing matters between them with their children. They just never did, and although her mother had always been open, funny and giving to them, the peace keeper, trying to do right by everyone, there was still quite a bit of mystery to her. Shanna waited giving her mother her full attention, she didn't have to wait long, she could see that Gert needed to talk.

"As you know, when your daddy and I started out, he'd been drafted into the army already, they plucked him clean out of high school. The Kennedy's were all the talk and their was a buzz about us getting involved in the Vietnam war, another one of America's nightmares. As for me, Martin Luther King was my passion, I wanted to be everywhere he was, and stand at every place he spoke… oh Shanna… he was something to hear, something to see. He – was one of the reasons I was determined that my children would always have a choice of marrying who they wanted. During that time period, I was so wild and unrestrained. All I cared about was being apart of that. Resenting your daddy the same time I thought I loved him. I wanted to save him you see, I wanted him to be apart of the movement. Where having mixed babies was the thing, you know… I wanted one too – just didn't turn out that way for me. Anyway, Bart had a struggle with that in the early days, he was divided. He always thought like should be with like."

"I thought you and daddy always felt the same about that? You mean, he felt that white should be with white?" Shanna clarified.

"Yeah… he thought me spoiled and that my daddy indulged me too much. I was done with school early, by sixteen I'd already graduated top of my class, didn't do me a bit of good of course, just left me with nothing to do but get into trouble. I told my daddy my plans and he gave me his blessings, providing whatever funding I needed. He should have never done such a thing, but he was too busy in the political arena and my momma was too weak a woman to deal with a child like me. My discipline came from Ruthie Johnson, our black maid." Gert laughed out. "If Ruthie could get her hands on me, she would have torn my butt up. She was always waiting on me with a switch." Gert laughed until tears came to her eyes thinking about Ruthie.

"Lord she tried to get some kind of control of me, but I was like the wind, one time she got after me, and I climbed a tree to get away from her Shanna." Gert slapped her leg she was laughing so hard she had to stop talking as the funny scene played in her head. "Ruthie was so mad at me, she yelled up at me, "You think bein' in that tree gone save you, stay up there! I got something for you!" – well I couldn't imagine what, next thing I know she was chucking rocks up at me, I yelled down, "You stop chuckin' them rocks at me for you hit me!" Then I'd duck and dodge because she was trying to hit me and did a few times, with me yelping out when one struck. "You gone bruise me Ruthie!" I said, for her to yell up, "You bes' believe me, I'm tryin'! You get your tail down, cause I'm moving to the big rocks now! You know this drive way filled with'im!""

"Momma!? I can't believe it – that you were bad!"

"Shanna, I was awful! I loved Ruthie though, she's the one who taught me all the important things in my life. How to cook, to clean up after myself. She use to say to me all the time, "I'm your daddy and mama's maid… I ain't yours! Way you going Gertrude, you ain't gone ever have no maid in your life! So you best get up and pick up!" and I would say, "I don't want no maid Ruthie… and you shouldn't be they maid either!" Ruthie would just shake her head and carry on. And I would get up while she was waiting for me, and slip off with two of my girlfriends from school and be gone again." Gert shook her head. "Off I'd go, my father letting me run about, protesting and marching with King. I was young, energetic, impulsive and out to change the world." Gert shook her head thinking back, smiling to herself and the years of turmoil with Bart. "Anyway, your daddy and I argued heatedly most of the time as he came home on leave and would hear rumors of my activities. He tried his hardest to get me to calm down and be like a proper girl should, I told him, I wasn't gonna have no preacher boy, country redneck telling me what I could and could not do." Gert laughed at herself, because she was so foolish and impetus.

"Momma!?"

"It's true. My daddy had spoiled me rotten, to this day I admit it. I was quick as a whip, smart as could be, and lord have mercy… I was the finest thing around and knew it, all the boys wanted me – many a'man as well."

"Oh my goodness momma… you're shocking me?!" Shanna gasped again.

"Well you ain't the only one I've ever shocked! It's true… oh honey I was something. I had me a teeni tini lil'ol waist and big hips and the finest legs. I was the catch darlin'. But you know Shanna, I didn't want to live my life based on my looks. My daddy use to talk to me a lot and he always said, "My daughter, you've been blessed with a wondrous package – don't let the one that opens it, find that its filled with nothing but – no good rottenness and stink. Don't do that."" Gert grew quiet again, after some thought, glannced at her daughter, smiling.

"I don't know… with everything that seemed to be happening at once, threat of the war in Vietnam… and being away from each other, was stressful to our relationship."

"Where'd you meet daddy?"

"His father was a Baptist minister and my girlfriend always wanted me to attend church with her. Every now and then I'd go, then one day – I saw your daddy sitting in a pew with his momma and sisters. He was tall, skinny and wearing an army uniform…his dress greens. Ooooh Shanna, he was so handsome, my stomach did three flips and my heart stopped. That was it, I had a feeling I was gonna be with him for the rest of my life."

"You knew that just like that?"

"I sure did. He'd been staring at me again, see I hadn't noticed him before and only did that time cause Elaine nudged me, letting me know. I looked up, saw him and thought I was in love. Of course I was too young to even grasp what love was. Anyway, he ask me out to meet him at the drug store, ice cream parlor and I said sure. If you can just imagine how proud I was to be walking on his arm, and how proud he was to catch the prize of the county. From there it began. He told me about his plans for the future, how he always dreamed of a family and a farm and making a way of life that seemed to be slowly disappearing and asked me would I wait for him. I was too young mind you, to understand what he wanted, all I could see was what I wanted. So I shared my own plans of what I wanted to do. That didn't go well. We argued, I said what I said and he turned and walked away from me. Seeing him walk away like that made me feel what my daddy said not to let be found in me…rottenness."

She stopped again remembering more.

"Then, he went off for about 6 weeks, we'd been writing on and off. I'd contemplated breaking it off with him but I just couldn't."

"Why did you wanna break it off momma?"

Gert got quiet again thinking maybe she was telling too much, but couldn't stop now. "I'd met somebody else."

"Who momma?"

Again she grew quiet. "Its not that I'd just met him, I'd always been aware of him, but… at first… I couldn't bring myself to go in that direction that early in the game."

"Who is he momma?"

"I was confused Shanna… so confused. I was living too fast, too soon. I was into too much, seeing too much and …. " She grew quiet again a look of longing and sorrow crossed her face, and her eyes welled up. Shanna didn't ask who again, she just quietly waited, as her mother finally spoke, it was out of order, but she could make sense of it.

"He asked me to marry him, your daddy…when he got home. I – I was feeling guilty and …"

"About what momma?"

"Things… something I'd done even though I was… his girl." Gert took a deep long breath, a slow resolved one and after a moment went on, "Seeing him so humble … and me with so many emotions and fears, I said yes. We parked at the top of this bluff in South Carolina, that's where we use to live before your dad and I left the south. There that evening is where I must have conceived Shawn. I didn't know it at the time, that that was when he was conceived. I faked it – pretended that I was … a virgin."

"Momma… you… before my father… had gone with someone else?"

"Yep… in fact, it happened just a few days before your daddy returned home. Anyway, he had to go back in for whatever training came next and while he was gone, I was right back into everything again. I was in trouble all the time, blasting racist if I knew someone to be one, getting into scraps with somebody about Negro rights, and the signs on the doors and shops… 'White Only'." Gert shook her head. "One time me and my friends went out at night, and painted over many of them and wrote, 'Assholes Only.'" Her eyes welled up and she covered her mouth trying not to let it upset her again as it had done back then, "Next day… we heard that a group of Negro teens got arrested for defacing property, two of them beat up … real bad." She got quiet and looked up at Shanna, her tears pooled and spilled over. "That was a horrible time Shanna. A horrible… horrible set of days. Anyway… it frightened me so, that I snuck out and … met with him again." Gert remembered back to it, she shook her head.

"Met who momma?"

"I was confused Shanna and I didn't know… which way I wanted to go."

"Who momma?" Shanna persisted.

"I wasn't sure you see, if I loved your daddy… or Edwin Piercey."

"Edwin Piercey?" Shanna looked up, adding a bow to one of the gifts that was finished being wrapped.

Gert took a long breath and looked her daughter in the eyes and said, "Don't ever ever mention that name in front of your daddy… understand me? I shouldn't have even told you. Don't know why I did."

"I won't momma, who was he?" Shanna's curiosity was high.

"Go first and see where your daddy and Jake is." Gert directed Shanna.

While Shanna went and checked, Gert thought back to Edwin… how she had hoped and prayed back then, that he had been Shawn's father… but… by the luck of the draw… he hadn't been, she hadn't known who Shawn's daddy was for the longest. Bart… or Edwin Piercey. Who knows what her life would have been like if things had ended differently. Shanna returned a few moments later. "They're in the barn working on Jake's truck momma…I said you sent me out to see if they wanted something to drink. They're fine, busy."

"Come on lets leave this off 'til later, I need to be sitting on the porch watching for your daddy while I talk about this, I can't have him sneaking up and hearing me."

They both exited the house, after putting on sweaters, although spring had sprung the nights were still chilly. They sat on the front porch swing together, keeping their eyes on the 80 X 80 vehicle barn, and with their feet, started the swing to going. Shanna remained quiet, willing to wait for her mother to tell what she would.

"Where do I begin?" She murmured in soft tones, making sure her voice didn't carry beyond Shanna. "I was such an irresponsible young girl. My mind and thoughts off into things it ought not be. In a hurry to grow up and be apart of this messed up, mixed up adult world I found myself in. I lived a double life. The one during daytime – daughter of Harriett and Frank Prescott. Debutante, southern bell and desired by most. Then there was the me of the night. Who snuck out a little past midnight, to rendezvous with my girlfriends, as we met with boys we shouldn't have even been talking to. Negro boys."

"Ach… momma…was… Edwin Piercey black?"

"Yes he was… and my heart was torn between him and your daddy. He was light skinned, high yella – as it was called, and oh so handsome. He stood ohhh, no more than maybe 5'9, but he was athletic, smart, energetic, with dreams that I wanted so much to be apart of. And could sing… oh my lord his voice Shanna, his voice, mesmerizing. It had that Sam Cooke quality about it, and he use to sing to me all the time." She stopped, looking towards the 80 X 80, "It was so innocent and sweet at first. Planning on how we was all gone rally forward behind King, and we would be the start of changing how the world saw – black and white. Things started to heat up between us, and he heard about your daddy. That I was seeing him. He was so put out, upset with me. Wanted to know why I was still meeting with him, since I had my army white man. I can't explain it Shanna, he tried to get me to stop coming to meet him but I couldn't. I did the most daring thing ever, and showed up at one of their secret night meetings."

"Whose meetings?"

"The Negroes at that time in Greenville, had a little meeting place where-…"

"Where is that momma?"

"South Carolina… – they would meet and make plans for gathering as many blacks together as they could to show themselves in numbers to say basically… its our turn. I showed up at one of those meetings because… well, he wasn't where we always met."

"How did you know where they met?"

"One night when I was supposed to be going into the house, I didn't… I followed him, them… and ummm… that's how I discovered their meeting place. Oh you could have heard a pin drop on the sand when I opened that door and stepped inside. I scared them so bad, that when he saw me, he leapt up and rushed to the door, grabbing my arm and took me outside, asking me what I was doing there."

 

"You was suppose to meet me." She remembered saying.

"I told you I wasn't gonna be meeting with you no more… any body else know about this place?" He had asked panicked.

Gert shook her head saying, "No… of course not – I would never tell anyone where this place is… you know me… please Ed, I come all this way by myself in the night, through the woods to find you… don't send me away." She pleaded with him.

"I swear before God… if you don't get me killed, you gone get yourself killed. Stay right here… I ain't got no choice, I'm gone have to walk you home."

 

"And he did… and I – basically, pleaded with him to make love to me, to be the one my first time."

Shanna sat stunned staring at her mother's profile, Gert glanced sideways at her, then shrugged. "I did… I admit it."

"And… did he?"

"You damn right he did… he wanted me. He was in love with me and I was in love with him. It was a desperate kind of loving that you know… may be the last time, filled with the kind of passion, only two people feel that knows… what they are doing is forbidden. Even though we tried not to, it happened two more times, even after I'd given myself to Bart." Gert laughed at herself. "What a brazen hussy I was. I couldn't make up my mind you see… because, truth is… I wanted them both. I knew I couldn't have them both, so… I'd made up my mind that I would break it off with Bart. He'd already gone back once again, and I wrote one letter after another trying to figure out the best way to say it… to break it off. I never could. Then… I started feeling different. Didn't known why. But Bart was gone, and … Edwin… he just… he just up and… didn't show up anymore. I went back night after night after night… oh I would say for at least two weeks. He never showed himself to me again. He went – missing."

Shanna stared at her. "What are you saying momma?"

Gert had her face covered, using her thumb and fingers to wipe at her eyes, "They killed him… somebody did. I know they did! I know they – did… the fucking white bastards!"

"Maybe he just up and left momma, maybe he could see that the only way to get away from you and not give in to temptation was to just run off."

"Noooo… he wasn't like that. He would have told me. Besides, we had plans you see, to run off together… no… someone found out. I try not to even think about it. It shakes me so bad. Anyway… more weeks went by, my body was changing, and there I was… just barely sixteen and with child. With not a clue as to who the father was."

They sat quiet a moment more, both reflecting and thinking.

"Sooo, I finally got that letter written to Bart. Instead of breaking it off, I told him I was with child. I didn't know what else to do. I wasn't about to raise a child on my own. It was a good thing I was done with school, because I just stayed around the house with Ruthie. She would shake her head and saying, "I knew it was gone happen. Lettin' you run off and into things that way, they got nobody to blame but theyself! He off in the army in some God forsaken country, – it is his ain't it?" She stopped and asked, and I of course said, "Of course it is!" She cut me a knowing look saying, "Emm hm – if you say so." As if she knew something. I could lie to her and my parents… and Bart – but – I didn't know."

"So how do you know momma… that Shawn is … daddy's son?"

"You know what Shanna… I prayed every day and night that he wasn't. I wanted him to be Edwin's so bad, that when he was born, I searched him all over for some little sign that he might be Edwin's. But he looked so much like me, when I was a babe, there was no way of telling, especially with Edwin being light skinned, plus he had really curly hair, not the kinky curly, but very similar to DJ's hair type, where they can still wear an afro but it will lie down if they force it to. I didn't know for years to be honest. Your daddy and I finally married when Shawn was about 14 or so months old-…"

"I didn't know that! I thought you married while you were pregnant!"

"Nooo… there had been no time to. He was sent into Vietnam, and I … after Shawn was born, took off leaving him with Ruthie to get back into the marches, and still hoping upon hope that I'd find Edwin before Bart returned from Nam. You know what, if I had found Edwin, I was willing to tell him that Shawn was his even when I didn't know for sure… but I wanted it so bad, I was willing to do it. Of course, I never found him. He was never seen or heard from again. Then Ruthie put her foot down with me, and I had to stay at home and be a proper mother to Shawn."

"Then daddy came home from Vietnam?"

"Yes… he was one of the lucky ones, after a year in Vietnam, he was shot in the side, rump and leg; they sent him home. Because he was a preacher's son, and a loner for most of the time, he didn't know about all of my shenanigans. I was so lonely that I clung to him. I finally took Shawn to the hospital to meet the man that would be his father, whether he was his father or not. Shawn didn't know him of course and didn't want a thing to do with him. Bart seemed to be okay about him, proud maybe, "He looks just like you Gert, but I don't know about them pretty looks. I may need to toughen him up a bit, else he won't be worth his weight in salt." You know, I was so riveted by the realization that I was actually going to have to marry Bart and be his wife, that I never paid his words any attention."

"Oh my goodness momma, I can't believe what you're telling me. I never ever figured that it was that way with you and daddy. I always thought you two were in love with each other from the very start."

"Oh he loved me, thought the world of me… would have done anything for me. Because I knew that, I married him. After all, he was a good looking man, very proud, never asked anyone for anything… would not. In fact, after he got out of the hospital and we married, my father offered him the chance to start up his own business, and Bart turned him down. Said he would do for his family himself. My father didn't think I was up for the challenge and gave me over two hundred thousand dollars of my own. Bart refused to let me use it, and believe me Shanna, there were times when we needed that money. But he would not let me touch it, no matter what we were going through, if I even mentioned it, he would tell me if I couldn't take it being a wife to him, then to leave. I couldn't leave, I was pregnant with Derrick by that time, and simply put… I wasn't a quitter. Annnd, I was starting to fall for him all over again. I don't know… something was happening to him. He was changing a bit… he was all of a sudden, more harsh. Never hit me mind you… he never would, but – there were times that his experience in Vietnam made him act strange. Sometimes I'd catch him staring off into space, or staring at Shawn a certain way… that made me uncomfortable. I would scoop him up and take him off to bed."

"You think he knew momma? About Edwin?"

"Sometimes, I wondered about that. Ummm, he once found a tablet of mine and I'd absentmindedly scribbled Edwin's name on it, had drawn a heart around his name with an arrow shot through. He brought it to me and asked who is that? "You draw that?" My heart must have skipped a beat, and of course I lied, told him Elaine had been over, scribbling on the tablet. Next thing I know, a week later, he says we're leaving South Carolina. That we were moving further North, there was land in Wisconsin going for dirt cheap… and now was the time to go for it and here we are."

"Wow… but… momma… you still haven't told me how you know Shawn is daddy's?"

"Your daddy, has a birth mark, underneath his right arm, shaped like the state of Texas, red/brown in color; right along his side. When Shawn was about eight years old and was getting ready for school, I walked into the boys room, having to iron their shirts and saw Shawn pulling his T-shirt on, and my eye caught a mark on him I thought was a scar. I asked him, what is that? He lifted his arm further showing it to me as he looked down at it himself. I looked closer and realized that is was a birth mark. When he was a baby, it was just a little dot, but as he had grown, it too grew. By the time he was sixteen, it was the exact same shape, color and in the exact same place as your fathers. That nailed it shut. I knew beyond a doubt by then, that he had always been Bart's son. There had been other indications that they were same blood, but for the longest I'd held on to that silly hope… that he was Edwin's."

"So have you ever loved my father?" Shanna asked.

"Oh yes … it took me a while. I had to grow up first you see, but I finally did and when I did, I knew that I loved that man. He deserved nothing less. He's gone through some things Shanna, over the years… from the war, there were times when… I had to watch him carefully with Shawn. He was sometimes… too rough. Too harsh… and … unyielding with him. I tried not to intercede too much, but … he would go, too far with him. I'd try to reason with him and say to him, Bart he's just a boy… you put too much on him, you expect too much from him; give him a break sometimes. Sometimes he did, and he would take Shawn fishing to make up for something or the other. You see, your daddy once told me about this one young boy Vietnamese that he always admired. He was very young, maybe thirteen or fourteen, and this young boy – against all the odds, stood up, fought and protected his mother and sisters against your fathers infantry unit. They were trying to take his sisters and mother to have sex with them, but he fought for them tooth and nail until your daddy stood up for him because he could see the child's desperation to protect them. He said that he was tough, determined and willing to die to protect them. He never forgot him. Unfortunately, while your daddy was on a guard station, they'd rushed him, killed him – raped his sisters and mother as well. When your father came back and found out what had happened, it snapped something in him. He was in that dirty ugly war for 5 more months after that. Combined with his own beliefs by his father, your dad for some reason, tried to make Shawn into that young boy. I can't explain it. All I know is… being the oldest, was hell for him. I tried to protect him many times… from his father." Gert shook her head.

"Oooh momma… I never knew… I've never seen this side of daddy."

"Oh course you wouldn't have. Your daddy was always gentle with women, with girls. Shawn however, got your daddy when he was at his worst, and he was the oldest. Derrick took quite a bit too as well, however, by the time Jake came along… Bart seemed to run out of steam. So much so, that he went from giving Shawn too much attention, to giving Jake, hardly any at all. Jake never saw all the hurtful things your dad did to Shawn, least I don't think so, I'm thinking all he ever saw was the things he did to make up for it. There I was, stuck in the middle, I always had to comfort Shawn more, coddle him a bit more, because he was going through so much more. Yet, to Kathy Ann and Jake, he was the favorite. It wasn't that Shanna, it was just that your daddy made his young life a living hell. I had to be there for him. Heaped upon him were all the things that were wrong with us both at first, without us meaning to do it."

"Aaaah I see… but why was Jake being ignored?"

"You know what Shanna… I don't think your daddy knew what to do with him? He'd never had any brothers being the only son. He had his mother and two sisters. So – sometimes I think, he was good for only one son, or two… in the case of Derrick, but I don't know if he knew how to include another one. So sometimes, he would shoo Jake off to be with me and you girls; Jake resented that. He couldn't lash out at your father, but Shawn… he could lash out at. But he couldn't beat Shawn, so he did other things to hurt him."

"Like… humiliate him by embarrassing him and going with all of his girlfriends."

"Yes… unfortunately… I'm afraid so. I couldn't see it at the time. I placed him as a middle child with too much energy, as mischievous as I was. My poor son, he couldn't compete with Shawn who was the oldest. He couldn't have Derrick for himself, because Shawn and Derrick were close and protected each other, sticking together. So what was left for him, his two little sisters, whom once again… his father doted on… spoiling you and Kathy Ann – who tried to champion Jake… but he didn't want her attention, he wanted his fathers. And you know what Shanna… I think there were times, when he would have loved for Shawn to include him. But… he'd set up his own vicious circle, because of always doing things to aggravate Shawn and Shawn, was slowly growing more tense, more angry, more impatient. His only means of relaxing was when he drew. I would watch him just slip away, as if he was in another world. So I bought him his first canvases and paints, and later on a professional camera. Once again, Jake felt left out because I'd bought that for Shawn, in his eyes, making Shawn again… special. Jake just wanted somebody's attention. I just wish I'd realized it back then before it was too late… before the two grew so far apart. But I was too busy protecting Shawn and looking after him to know it then."

"Wow… you know what… I guess its true, because Jake was fine once Shawn left home. He didn't do those things to Derrick."

"I know. But now that Shawn is back, I see the old Jake starting up again. You saw the way he was with Sylvia… I sure hope to God he doesn't interfere with your brother again, they're grown men now, Jake should be over that."

"Hmmm." Shanna murmured not so sure. The 80 X 80 garage door opened with Jake pulling his truck out and her father with his work overalls walking out slowly beside it. The two got along well now, Jake and her father.

"Shanna…"

"Yes momma?"

"You keep what I told you, to yourself now… you hear?"

"Of course momma, I would never tell anyone. I promise."

 

---

Chapter 63

 

"Whoa dude, so all this land yours then?" Mundo asked Shawn as they walked over his land from behind his house, leaving the women in the house gabbing. Victor had to work so it was only sister and brother, Isaac and Darren.

"Yep, all of those woods down the back and over. There's a lot on the other side of those woods, I'm going to purchase that as well for my sister." Shawn spoke as they slowly strolled along.

"Is we gone get t'ride yo' motorcycle?" Isaac asked for the fifth time, out walking with them.

"Listen up lil'o'white boy! Ask 'bout that motorcycle one mo' time, an' I'mo choke yo'lil end and hide you in these woods! Understand?!" Mundo asked his nephew, who was starting to get on his nerves.

"No you ain't – gone choke me… I'ah tell my mama – she choke you – hide you in'dah'woods!" Isaac fussed back, bringing a grin to Shawn's face watching nephew and uncle come up against each other.

"I don't think so! 'Cause you gone already be hid in the woods! So there!"

"My – my – my ghos' come back… tell my mama – on you! An' she – gone – beat – yo' – black – ass!"

Shawn threw his head back and roared laughing as Mundo looked over at him grinning, trying not to laugh out, he loved to get his nephew wound up.

"Yo' mama can't beat no'body! Who you think yo'mama is! She ain't bad!"

"My – my grandmama beat yo' ass then!"

That one got Mundo, his laughter joined in with Shawn's as he bent over holding his stomach.

"Yo' lil'white ass know you crazy!"

"I ain't white – I'mah nigga like you!"

"HEY!" Both men shouted at him at the same time. Isaac's eyes got big as he looked from Shawn to his uncle.

"Listen here young man, I don't ever wanna hear you say that word again, you understand?" Shawn crouched down in front of him talking face to face. He looked hurt like he was going to cry. "M – my – my mama say it."

"That's different boy! Yo' mama look black… like I look black! You might be black on the inside, but on the outside, you look white! Sayin' that word around the wrong folks gone get you killed boy. 'specially they don't know where you come from." Mundo fussed at him. Walking up to him, he held his hands out to him. "Come here." Shawn stood so that Isaac could go to him. Mundo picked him up and hugged him, rubbing his back. "'sides, I ain't no nigga, I'on care what yo' mama call me. An' you ain' either, understand?" Shawn observed the two, uncle and nephew totally different. Mundo was the male version of Sylvia, but darker in complexion, with his hair braided and rows going into different patterns, starting to head towards dred locks. He wore an earring in his left ear, and even though he looked like his mother, Shawn could see the similarities in DJ and him. They were built the same, bodies solid, strong and athletic. Their hair was a similar texture Shawn could see, even though Mundo's was braided. It was easy to see they had the same father. As he inspected Mundo, he realized that he only had his mother's eyes and nose. Shawn imagined the rest of him was his father, especially the hair, because Shawn knew that Sylvia's hair type was more afro like, he knew that from feeling her new growth, as she called it. He was fascinated by it and often found his fingers in her hair, searching to feel the cluster of tight little curls close to her scalp.

Then there was Isaac, straight, blonde hair, brown eyes and fair skin, one thing Shawn began to notice, his hair was starting to curl a bit. Should a stranger however see them together, there was no way they'd think the two related. As he watched them, he wondered about the child Sylvia now carried, if indeed it were a boy, or a girl… didn't matter, would there be such a strong contrast in him and his child, or Sylvia and their child? It could go either way, darker or lighter, he really didn't care which way it went, as long as he or she was healthy. They continued on their walk, talking about this and that. Mainly Shawn at first telling Mundo about himself, his earlier life in California, of course all of the good things, he would never divulge the uglier parts of his past.

"Man that is so cool, that you can just see stuff and put it on canvas, I would love to draw, but it ain't in me." Mundo interjected still holding Isaac, whose head was on his shoulder and looked like he might be dropping off to sleep. "I think he needs a nap, we should probably be heading back to lay him down." Shawn suggested.

"You ain't kiddin', 'cause lil'dude is heavy!"

When they made it back to Sylvia's house, she was on the phone talking with her mother.

"Mama why don't you just let me come and get you now, so we don't end up rushing at the last minute. I hope you remember that we're getting married this coming Friday. This weekend is the best time for you to come."

"What am I suppose to do there all week!? Who gone watch my house?!"

"Mama that house got fifty thousand locks on it, ain't nobody going in there!" She returned exasperated. Crystal sat listening and laughing as she made eye contact with Shawn and her brother who just walked in carrying Isaac. Mundo walked straight to the basement door and down it going to lay him on the sofa bed in the basement where Darren was sleeping.

"Well if I'm not here Sylvia… they got all the time in the world to get through'em don't they?"

"Mama please…" Sylvia whimpered. "Ms Eartha right downstairs… I'm sure she can keep an eye out on it for you."

"Me and her ain't talkin'! She late on her rent!"

"Lord have mercy, Jesus mama! I give up. If you don't want to come to your own daughter's wedding, that's your choice."

"You didn't invite me to the first one did you?"

"Mama there wasn't no first one, we got married at the courthouse, no one was there but two of my friends as a witness."

"Emm hm, well… I'll see what I can do."

"Mama you need to let me come and get you now… did you get a hold of David and Jr?" Sylvia looked over at Shawn who was leaning against the kitchen counter, arms crossed over his chest, feet crossed at the ankles, trying not to laugh out at her as she grinded her teeth together making a face of absolute frustration and impatience.

"Chile look… this is not a good time for me! I am not leaving my house right now. As for your brother's, you know better. I can't find Lucas Jr. don't know where he is and I haven't heard from him in months, as for David… you don't want him there spoiling your wedding, you know how he is. Wait until he hear that you marrying a white man, ain't gone be no end to the stuff he gone be talkin'!"

"David's not like that mama, maybe Lucas Jr. – anyway, whatever mama, if they don't come, they don't come. As for you, yeah… stay and guard your house." Sylvia's jaw was clenching to fight back tears, she turned her back to Shawn and Crystal. It was the story of her life. Her mother had never shown up for anything that meant anything to her, she felt foolish for believing it would be any different with this. Their father had walked out when she was four years old, and hadn't seen or heard from him until years later. She'd never told her mother that she'd seen him again, had in fact spoke to him, because they just hated each other too much to even mention it. She was trying to play it off as if it didn't matter, but she was fighting back tears and wished to GOD Shawn and Crystal weren't present.

"Make a video thing, send me that, and send me some pictures too."

"Yeah mama, sure I will. I gotta go, we have a lot to do."

She heard her mother sigh on the phone, "Look Sylvia, I'll see what I can work out."

"Don't bother mama, we know how its gonna end… I'll send you pictures, we might come by there before we head off for our little honeymoon."

"That's a good idea… I'll fix ya'll a nice dinner."

"Yep… that's fine… okay… I love you, bye." She hung up the phone and walked out of the kitchen straight into her room and closed the door, then went into her bathroom and locked it to get herself together.

Shawn stood at the sink blowing to calm down. He looked over at Crystal, who had tears in her eyes.

"You know what… I love my grandma, I really do… but she has never gone out of her way for my mother. None of us really, but she always complains if we don't call her, if we don't visit with her, if we go there and visit my other grandparents, we better not leave Chicago without stopping in to see her. What you see there, with my mom, always been like that. She bends over backwards for her mother, but she always ends up getting hurt in the end."

Mundo had come up from the basement then. "So what's up… ya'll going to get grandma?" He asked.

"No… she can't come… she ain't got nobody to watch her house."

"What?!" Mundo exclaimed. Shawn stood from the counter and walked to the bedroom door, "I'll be right back you guys." He said, went into the bedroom and closed the door behind him.

"Come on Angela lets go in the basement girlfriend, so I can kick your tail at some Tetris."

"Uh… so sorry, I am, the best at Tetris." Angela bragged.

"Oh we shall see." Crystal returned.

Mundo went into his mother's refrigerator looking for food to eat, glad for the moment alone… food.

 

"Sylvie… you okay?" Shawn asked softly at the bathroom door.

"Yep." She returned.

"Can I come in?"

"Nope."

"Please?"

She was quiet, he waited, and then he heard it. Soft, faint, a failed attempt to quiet a sob. "Aaah honey, come on… let me in."

"I just wanna – be – alone right now Sha – Shawn… plea – please… just leave me – a – alone."

"Okay listen, I'll search the internet for a house sitter for her. We'll hire one, and they can watch her house while she-…"

"Shawn its not gonna work! She – she's not gonna c – come! I'm – I'm the stu – stupid one. I knew – knew she wouldn't… I knew – she – she wouldn't."

Shawn stepped over to the dresser, found a pin, came back and stuck it in the small hole that was in the door knob for the safety catch for the lock to open. He opened the door walked in to see her sitting on the side of the tube crying into tissue paper, closing the door behind him, he called to her, "Come here."

She didn't hesitate, was up and in his arms in a flash despite her plea to be left alone. He turned and made his way to the toilet and sat down placing her on his lap. "Shhh shhh shhh baby, don't cry… I can't stand to see you crying."

Sylvia sat up, wiped at her nose with the tissue paper, turned and grabbed more off the role and blew her nose. Shawn sat looking up at her, deeper in love still. She was adorable, and so childlike and vulnerable sometimes, contradictory to the strong woman he knew that she was.

"I'm sorry… I'm okay… she just gets to me sometimes. You know, I have a lot to thank her for. Because of the way – she was with me, I was determined to – to be at every one of my children's events, no matter how small they were. I didn't care, they would not look up and see everyone else parents present and not see their own. Oh the fights I had with Armundo to get him to go… but he went… well… not to all of them, but some. But I…" She poked her chest about to burst into more tears. "…I was there for every one of them! I didn't care if I – I couldn't see straight – I – I wen – wen – went!" She sobbed out and fell to his shoulder again crying, he rubbed her back, comforting her.

"I think maybe that's why you and Angela hit it off so well, you two have a lot in common."

She nodded yes on his shoulder, unable to pick herself up again.

"Its like you said Sylvia about Deidre. She did the best that she could as Angela's mother. You think maybe, your mom did the best that she could with you? Maybe, just maybe – her mother, was a lot worse. So she may have been an improvement from what she experienced growing up. And you, are most definitely, an improvement from her. Because I have been with Crystal, and I have seen how you are with Angela. You have no reason to be sad baby… feel sorry for her, because she's the one who missed out. Your kids will be there, and your friends will be there… and my family loves you… and hey… look at what you're getting, I mean… come on… life's not all bad." He joked… and it was just what she needed because she burst out laughing.

*Sniff* "You arrogant – stuck on yourself – beautiful – man… I love you so much."

"Well it's a good thing, cause you're pregnant up the duff with my lil'un – and we're gettin' hitched… so I'd have to say, that's a really good thing."

 

"Okay mama, I need to know what kind of music ya'll want for your reception?"

"Music we like to listen to… not all that rap and stuff…"

"Aye, it won't hurt to throw a few good ones in there."

"Boy don't mess with me, I'll make a list, and so can Shawn. I just hope you can dj."

"Aye, I'mo rock the place, I may have to borrow a few pieces here and there – but I'll get it together by Friday."

"Well what do you need?" Shawn asked.

Mundo looked up and so did Sylvia. Since she wasn't going to get her mother, she decided to take Shanna up on her offer of flower shopping and getting the cake ordered, she'd called while they were still in the bathroom asking what they had planned, and so Sylvia, Crystal, Angela and the boys were meeting her and Gert in town and they would all head to the mall in La Crosse. By then Victor would be up and he could take the boys, working nights, he needed to get some sleep.

"What do I need?" Mundo asked wondering where that question was going, his eyes shifted over to his mother who was looking from Shawn to him, and then narrowing on him.

"Yes… as in equipment you may need to borrow."

"Well… I need to borrow a couple of turn tables, and my friends laptop, maybe a couple of his speakers too, mine are good, but for a sho'nuff good presentation, I need some pros."

"Well that's everything!" Sylvia snapped.

"No it ain't mama, you need a amp, mixer, mic… table, music… stuff like that. I got that, I just need to work my way up to get the other stuff."

"I don't think its a good idea to be borrowing other peoples equipment. Is this something you're gonna be doing on a regular basis?" Shawn asked, Sylvia looked from him to her son.

"Yep… you better believe it, I'm good at it too – ain't I Crystal?"

"Yeah… I will say that, he can turn it on… the sets I went to that he did… they were straight… I must say, it was one of the few times… and I do stress – few – that I was proud to call him my brother."

"Why can't you just compliment a man? Why? Why you gotta give a little… then take it away!" He fussed.

"Well I tell you what… next time… I ain't gone say nothin'! There… you happy now?!" Crystal fussed.

"Don't start! Don't start! Mundo can't you just mix a few disks for us, then we can just pop'em in?" Sylvia asked.

"Mix'em on what mama? You got to have proper equipment, see, I been meaning to do some mixes and sell'em… but cause I ain't got no stuff, its a hold up."

"Oh here we go, look here boy-…"

"Get'em mama, get'em – cause you know what he gone do!"

"Okay okay okay… everybody… stop right there. Sylvia, Angela, Crystal… get the boys… out the door, my mother and Shanna will be there in no time. Let Mundo and I take care of everything else." Shawn directed. Sylvia looked put out, but stood and grabbed her purse, ushering her daughter who had Darren and Angela who held Isaacs hand heading out the door.

"That's right – ya'll heard the man… get t'gettin'… start t'steppin' – go take care of the women stuff… leave us men to men's business!"

Sylvia stopped at the door eye-balling her son, "Come here." She called to him.

"Why?" He stepped back near Shawn, with his arms up in a defence position as if she meant to hit him. "Mundo! Don't play with me… now come here."

"What you want mama? She gone hit me… see that look in her eyes… she gone hit me." He said it like a frightened little boy, clowning for Shawn and it worked. Shawn doubled over laughing at him again, and intercepted them. "Baby… leave'em… go shopping, get what needs to be done – done." He instructed, knowing she wasn't going to hit him, but he played the role so well, he had to step in. "Shawn… don't let him twist you. How much you gonna spend? Don't spend a lot Shawn… we can just mix some music we like on my computer or yours."

"Mama don't nobody wanna come hear no homemade mix music… I'm gone turn it out for you – its gone be straight … now go on shopping like – papah-Shawn say!" He grinned broadly doing a little dance showing off.

"Did he say papah-Shawn? Oh no… um em… Shawn… baby… listen to me."

"Bye Sylvia… go… we'll be fine."

They waited for them to pull out of the driveway in the SUV, Sylvia drove it while Crystal drove her borrowed car back home so they could all pool into the one vehicle in LaCrosse. When they pulled off Shawn turned and said, "Okay… listen up. I'm going to invest in what you're trying to do under one condition."

Mundo stood and got serious. "For real? Cool, okay – straight, let's hear it."

"You finish school for radio broadcasting and communications… you finish the entire course from start to finish – and walk out of there with a degree… no excuses… no delays… no set backs. If you do this now Mundo – and finish it – you have all the years to come to pursue what you will… while being able to flash something substantial, like proof of your dedication. A degree talks… bullshit walks. Put yourself ahead of the game now. Who knows, later on – you may wish to build on that degree… but that's what I want. If you don't intend to commit yourself to building your own self worth… tell me now. We'll just go lease everything you need. I'll lease it all up to a month for you. That way you can work your ass off and mix what you need to sell, and make enough money if you're as good as you say you are, to buy your own equipment. Is that fair?"

"Yeah… that's fair."

"So what's it gonna be… buy or lease… buy… for your future… or lease to play for a month and hope it all turns out worth it."

Mundo leaned back against the sink sighing and shaking his head. "Man I can't go back, I blew my school loan. I fooled around and got dropped from so many classes that they cancelled it. Now I have to pay back what I used, and it disqualifies me for another one." He admitted crestfallen.

"I see… so you screwed yourself."

"Basically… yeah… I wanted to ask mama for help, but she would'ah just said no. She tight man… my mama tight wit' some money holmes… ma-a-an… I ain't kiddin'yah… you got to go through all these preliminaries with her to get some help."

"Is it possible she has good reason for being that way?"

"Well… yeah… she do… but… hey… I'm her son you know – she could give me a lil'bit of a break… man!"

"Mundo… not only must you build good credit with the world, you must build it first… with your parents… or parent in this case. Meaning… put your money where your mouth is. If you've demonstrated yourself to be a 'Gonna' instead of a, 'Doer' that may have a great deal to do with it."

"Well… at this rate… don't matter. Guess we gone lease."

"So that's your choice… to lease?"

"Man didn't you hear what I said… I can't get no more school loans… I owe shit."

"Mundo… pay attention, I'm going to ask you again… buy………. or lease?"

"I – I wanna buy… for my future."

"Thank you… so you're saying you're gonna commit to finishing school this time… no bullshit… no messing around!"

"Dude… I screwed up big time! I know where I went wrong… aye, I ain't playin' – give me another chance… I'm all the way for it."

"I want your word as a man – a clean slate – building of your credit with us – starts here – starts now."

"Aye man… you do this for me… I'll sign my name on the dotted line! Anything to get me up out of this shit and back on it… I'll do it."

"Good enough… let's go."

 

They hit La Crosse as well in Shawn's truck, stopping at one Disc Jockey amp house after another. Shawn nodded yea or nay after hearing from Mundo and the sales person the benefits of the turn tables he chose. He bought him top of the line everything… by the time they were done, he was set up. They also invested in him a computer and a laptop with high quality mixing software to make his CD's merge and blend smooth as can be.

"Man… my mama gone divorce you before you get to the alter man… all the money you done spent… god-dai'am! Aye… but I ain't complainin'… i's all good!"

"You just let me worry about your mother. Now… I'm gonna tell you something, you need to move out of your sisters house and into your own place."

"I know! She get on my nerve! She sca'ed to let a nigga breath – oops… sorry…my bad!"

"You know… you're right… your mother is going to kill me if she knew what I was thinking of doing."

"What?"

"I don't know… let me think-…"

"Whoa shit!" Mundo ducked down in the truck real quick, dodging someone he saw.

"Don't tell me you're dodging somebody?"

"Hell yeah… dude been looking for me."

"Let me guess… you owe him money."

"See… its not like that… what happen was, I borrowed his shit… and it got stolen off me, I told him I'd pay'em for it… but I ain't really have the money."

"And you were going to borrow again!" Shawn scolded mildly.

"Yeah! From a different dude though!"

"Mundo… Mundo sit up!"

"Is he gone?"

"No… I want you to go out there and talk to him, how much do you owe him?"

"Man you don't even wanna know."

"Just tell me."

"Twelve hun'erd."

"Holy cow." Shawn muttered.

"Man start the truck!"

"No… we gonna pay him. Anyone else you owe?"

"Just my sista'… I owe her three hun'erd for my cell phone."

"You do know that yo' ass belongs to me after all this."

"Man… you pay all this shit off… you can have my ass anyway you want it. You ain't gay or in the closet or nothing is you? I'd have to resend on that shit… 'cause aye bo-ay – I'on play that!"

"Get out the truck so you can take care of your business!"

"Yessim massah Shawn – you knows I'sah yo'boy!"

"HEY! None of that bullshit!" Shawn yelled at him as Mundo took off laughing at a lop. Shawn sighed deep and shook his head. "Your mother's going kill me." He was doing the numbers in his head, what he spent so far didn't bother him. What he would have to spend to pay off his loan and pay for his course, didn't bother him. What did worry him was the cost of helping him get his own place. Knowing that he was helping Shanna as well. That lot next to him was going for five thousand, and a double wide for her while just giving her the down payment because she said she could make the payments herself, would cost a pretty penny – but not as much as he first figured since she only needed help getting the land and down payment. After all that was done… she could float on from there. Mundo was a different story. He would be in school for almost two years, or eighteen months, so wherever he lived, would have to be low maintenance and located there in La Crosse.

His mind was ticking over as they took care of his other debt to the guy and went to, 'Famous Daves' for something to eat. They locked the topper on his truck and made sure to sit by the window were they could see it. Shawn wasn't worried with his topper having tinted windows, no one could see what was in it anyway.

"I've got an idea…" He started after they ordered.

"Shoot."

"I think… the best solution… is to buy a used mobile home for you. And all you'll have to pay is lot rent. How much do you pay Crystal to stay with her?"

"I give her fifty a week."

"Doing what?"

"I work at one of the bars downtown, tips are sweet. I bring home 'bout… oooh, fi'ty-five – si'ty a night… that ain't bad."

"That's pretty damn good… in tips?"

"Yep."

"Shit I may have to get a job there myself once your mother finds out what I've spent."

Mundo laughed and coming down said, "Man… La Crosse full of college students drinking they nights away… the money be flowing. Now that I got this equipment, I'mo start making some serious cash."

"What about school?"

"Aye… a deals a deal. You watch an' see, I'mo take care'o'bidness! If you can get me a used mobile home… I'm all for it, long as it's mine, I'on care if I have to staple the walls closed on it."

"Its not gonna be that bad. I've seen some used ones that are going for pretty cheap… they're just from the eighties is all, but in excellent condition. I'm thinking about twenty thousand will get you one free and clear."

"WHAT?! Man naaaw, I can't let you spend that kind of money on me… you done did enough already… know what I'm sayin'? My mother'll never speak to me again. I know I be up to some no good shit man… but I love my mama… I can't have my mama mad at me… not over no shit like that…. em em… nope… I'll work out my own living arrangements… you done did all you gone do for me. If you can make it so I can get back to school… I can do the rest… hey… I'll register for a dorm or something… I'll work it out."

Shawn sat back and smiled. Mundo was trying not to look him in the eyes, because he was tearing up.

"Okay… but know this… I'm going to leave the option open for you if you need it… I want you to finish school, I don't want your needing a place to stay interfering in that."

"Like I said… you got my word… and you man… you… I'm there for you… serious… I ain't talkin' shit right now… serious… you've done more for me… in one day… than my ol'man did my whole… " Mundo turned away, then pushed his chair back and stood walking to the men's room clearing his throat.

Shawn gulped and widened his own eyes, this was a good day.

Mundo returned a few moments later, together… and finally able to look Shawn in the eyes.

"You okay?" Shawn asked calmly. There food had come while he was in the bathroom.

"I'm straight… you know… ain't nothin' but a thang… I just… I'on know… why you doing this? You don't owe me shit."

"Mundo… I'm in love with your mother. I love that woman… your mother, like I've never loved before. You belong to her… you are her son. She loves you. What's mine is hers, what's hers… is mine. Simple as that. Now let's eat… I'm starving."

 

"So how much did you spend?" Sylvia asked her future husband who'd just gotten home an hour ago, it was eleven thirty. She had been sitting up in bed, waiting for him to come home as she flipped through channels. She let Angela sleep over in La Crosse with Crystal, and told him so. He nodded un-fazed heading for their bathroom where he used the toilet, washed up, striped down and came and flopped face down on his side of the bed, which was closest to their bedroom door, as he lay there, she asked her question.

"Trust me… you don't wanna know." He muttered sleepily.

"Honey get under the covers." Sylvia coaxed.

He shifted about as she helped him under. "You look exhausted, that much hm?" She asked, determined not to freak out over it.

"Mundo is a trip… that's all I have to say. Oh and one more thing… I don't wanna hear you… talking down at him again… understand? No more comparing him to Crystal, they are two totally different people. Granted… she has herself together… but then look who her mother is. Anyway… as I said… lay off of him from now on… okay?"

Sylvia sat stunned, not sure where that came from or why… but she smiled and nodded her head.

"Now click that off… and come here. And no sex tonight… I'm plum tuckered out… that son of yours… funny as hell, crazy as hell… I love him already."

Sylvia obeyed, realizing he still hadn't given her an amount… and right now… to hear him defend her child was worth any price he might have paid. He wrapped his arm around her pulling her against him to spoon.

"Goodnight my wife."

"Goodnight… my husband."