Written by Mercedes Keyes
Interracial drama series
[Overall] Rated R

To read further ““ http://amberswann.com

Chapter 34

Sylvia lay unmoving. Her eyes opened. Discomfort strong enough to wake her, made her lay for a moment to understand where it was coming from. Then she realized what it was. Her breasts were aching from laying on her stomach. She turned slowly to her back in the bed of the comfortable hotel room, shifting her covers slowly as she turned her head to look over to the bed next to her. Shawn’s daughter lay there sleeping. She was in a deep sleep, the sound of her soft snoring filled the otherwise quiet room. She turned her head towards the window and saw sunlight shining through the slits of the curtains. Suddenly her mouth grew very moist as nausea washed over her. Her eyes grew wide. She stayed still, willing it to go away. Forced to swallow, the nausea continued.

“Nooo,” she whined softly to herself. Swallowing again, she closed her eyes. Her hand went down over her rib cage to her lower belly. “I can’t be,” she whispered softly to herself. Thinking back to her other two pregnancies, she reflected on the time she knew she carried Crystal. Morning sickness had started almost exactly two weeks after her conception. This was now day sixteen since she and Shawn made unprotected love to each other. “Oh Shawn, we really don’t need this right now,” she mumbled, wishing the nausea would pass. She lay wondering was he up yet. She turned and looked at the digital clock next to her bed, it was 10:40am. She couldn’t get back to sleep and wasn’t going to try. There were things they all needed, like toothpaste, a change of clothes, deodorant. She slowly sat up, and sure enough, a stronger wave of nausea surged within. Again she sat still on the side of the bed, wishing she had a saltine.

Looking behind her, she checked to see if Angela was still sleeping soundly, and she was, tossing her head the other way for her hair to stream down the side of the bed. Taking a deep cleansing breath, Sylvia stood and waited to see what would happen. The queasiness was still there, but nothing stronger. She walked to the bathroom and used it, washed her hands, splashed her face, and shook her head gazing at the way her hair looked. Running her fingers through the thick wavy mass, she shook the bed-head flat area out with her hands because she didn’t have a comb on her. Coming out of the bathroom, she grabbed her jeans from the chair and put them on. Then her socks and shoes. She went to Angela’s bag to see what was in it. She’d packed for herself, four pair of pants, three shirts, socks, underwear, a comb and brush, toothbrush, perfume, a little girl’s make-up compact, a diary, and her little pink wallet.

Sylvia set it down. There was no deodorant or toothpaste. She would have to go down to the gift store and pray they had some of the things she and Shawn would need. Taking the pad by the phone, she wrote out a note for Angela just in case she woke up while she was gone. Grabbing her purse, she quietly left the room.

Down in the gift store, she bought two tubes of toothpaste, two toothbrushes for herself and Shawn, deodorant for him and one for her. She thought he might need a comb, so purchased him one; clean shirts for them both, T-shirts would have to do, a shower cap, shower cream and lotion for her and Angela, the day’s paper, a teenage magazine for Angela and a few of the little cheese and cracker snacks, skip the cheese, she needed the crackers.

Entering their room, Angela hadn’t moved, she was still sound asleep. Nibbling on the narrow saltines, again she wondered if Shawn was awake yet. He couldn’t be, or else he would have called or been over there. Knowing that either of them could wake any moment, she jumped in the shower. Washing over her body, little could be denied with her breasts proving to be sore and achy, her nipples were very tender. She refused to dwell on it. She just couldn’t, not now…there was enough on her plate. Going through her afterbath routine, she dressed, put on a little face powder that she always carried in her purse, and some lipstick. The smell and taste of it made her mouth water, she was queasy again. She ignored it and went out of the bathroom, straightening up the room. Angela slept on. It was 11:30am. She grabbed the things she bought for Shawn and again left a note for Angela to get in the shower if she woke while she was across the hall, to get dressed so they could have breakfast.

She tapped on his room door, within seconds, he snatched it open, surprising her. He was on his cell phone, obviously just awakened by it and not happy, holding the door open for her to come in. She did, sitting the things she bought for him on the TV table. He was standing in his boxers.

“Angela is still asleep, Deidre, and before we meet you, we’re going to clean up and have breakfast,” he said, Sylvia stood staring at him as he talked. He was certainly bed-head fresh and grumpy. His eyes looked a bit puffy as well, as if, he’d had a hard night…dare she imagine it, he’d shed a few tears. The thought of him in that room alone, sobbing in silence, made her look away from him. Her feelings of protectiveness, coupled with the need to take care of him, was surprisingly overwhelming. Going through her mind was the possibility that he was the father of her next child, should all symptoms prove to be what she was unable to face at that moment. He was rubbing his eyes, leaning against the bathroom door, holding the phone to his ear. “You know what…I’m not in the mood for this. I have your number, I know where you are, and I’ll give you a call as soon as we get our shit together. Go shopping with your mother or somethin’, I don’t know.” He sighed deep and looked at Sylvia, reached over and lifted her chin to make eye contact, then gave her a weak smile and a wink while his thumb caressed her lower lip gently. He brought his hand away, keeping the eye contact with her.

His gentle gesture, seeing that smile and wink, relieved her a bit. No matter how bad his mood, he wasn’t going to take it out on her. She knew that Deidre was on the other end, and wished they all could get along better, but considering the way the woman was with her, he just might have his reasons for being short with her.

“I told you because she had to!”

Sylvia figured that they were no doubt in the midst of a small argument over why Angela was with her.

“Because!” He refused to explain now.

“I’ll tell you about it when we get together!” he answered, growing more upset.

“No! I’m not gonna tell you now! Now let me off the fuckin’ phone!”

Shawn let out a deep sigh, listening, then looked to the ceiling rolling his eyes with the shake of his head, softly he apologized, “Don’t cry. I’m sorry for cursing at you. I know you’ve gone through a lot. Yes…I understand.” More pauses and listening. Sylvia thought she better leave him to talk alone and went to exit the room. He grabbed her arm, pulled her back, shaking his head at her, wanting her to stay. “Deidre “¦ Deidre “¦Deidre…let me off the phone, the sooner we get it together here, the sooner we can meet.”

“Yes! She will be there with us! Most certainly she will.”

Sylvia didn’t need to be told who the she was.

“You’ll find out what it has to do with her when we meet…goodbye!” He clicked it off, whether she was done or not, and stood looking at Sylvia. “Let me go wash my mouth out. My breath, no doubt, smells like shit.”

Sylvia grinned and passed him a toothbrush, the tube of toothpaste, deodorant and a new T-shirt. “Here you go, take care of everything. While you’re in there, I’ll go check to see if Angela is awake yet,” she told him, heading for the door. “Hey, it’s a new day, another morning, you still love me?” he asked in such a little-boy-like voice, it gripped Sylvia’s stomach. “Oh, Shawn, of course I still love you,” she said in the open door. “It sure would be nice sometime, if you said it first,” he whined. She chuckled. “I’ll have to work on that, promise…now go clean up.”

“Well, can I hear it?” he asked.

“I love you,” she reassured him, smiling, and then headed across the hall.

Angela was just sitting up when she walked in the room.

“Good, you’re up. I brought some toothpaste and deodorant for us. There’s also shower cream, lotion, and the shampoo and conditioner the hotel provides. We need to get moving, your mother is here.”

Up until she said that, Angela was drooping, still sleepy, but hearing that her mother was there in Madison perked her up. “Here! In Madison?” she asked with a panic-stricken look on her face. “Well, yeah, surely you knew she would come for you?” Sylvia asked standing by the TV stand in front of the bathroom door. “Not this fast! I don’t wanna go back with her! I don’t! I wanna stay here! Please, Sylvia…I wanna stay here!” she started right away.

“Ohhh, Angela, under the circumstances, you can’t, sweetheart. Perhaps if what you said hadn’t been said, the courts might hear you out and give you more time with your dad. But now, I’m certain they wouldn’t hear of it.”

She started crying. “I can’t believe I’m so stupid! What am I gonna do? I don’t wanna go back there, Sylvia! I hate it in that house! They don’t even like me there! They never talk to me, only my mom does! When I’m there, they expect me to stay up in my room all the time! I can never have any friends over! I can’t have a cat, a dog, nothing! I don’t wanna go back!”

Sylvia stood listening in sympathy for her, but was at a loss of what to do. “What about when you get to visit your friends? Won’t you miss them?”

“Grandfather doesn’t allow me time with friends. He says people with means and wealth shouldn’t be with people that don’t have what we have. It makes them think they can just drop over, or borrow money! Or use me to get in to see what we have so they can plot to steal it!”

“What!” Sylvia asked incredulous.

“It’s true. I only see my friends at school. Or when my dad comes, he’ll go get them and then take us all out and bring them back to the condo, so we can play in the pool, and he barbecues for us and stuff, he’s always let my friends come over. But…mom can’t, because we live with her mom and dad.”

“I don’t understand, why your mother doesn’t have her own home?” Sylvia asked, growing angry at the thought of this child having to live like that.

“I don’t know. Grandfather says it makes no sense for her to move out, that that house is plenty big enough for all of us. Once she moved out of the house she and daddy had, she just never looked for a house for us.”

“Does she know how you feel living there? Have you told her all of this?”

“She knows, she lives there, too. I mean, she takes me places and stuff. To the movies, out to eat…but…she works at that big office building most of the day, so we can only do stuff on the weekends.”

“I see, well…come on”¦get in the shower, we have to go before the judge. They’ll be calling us pretty soon, no doubt, now that your mom is here. Chances are, he’ll hand you back over to her and that will be that,” Sylvia explained, so sorry to see her so unhappy as she stood before her about to enter the bathroom.

“Couldn’t I just come and live with you?” Angela asked, desperate not to leave her father, even if it meant living with someone she’d only known a day.

“Ah, sweetheart, you don’t even know me. Why would you want to live with me?”

“My dad knows you. He loves you. If you weren’t really nice, he wouldn’t love you. I promise I would be good. I won’t be any trouble to you. I wouldn’t run away, ever! Please”¦please don’t make me go”¦go back there,” she pleaded and began crying, wiping at her eyes. Sylvia’s eyes filled with tears instantly. “You hate it that much that you would leave your mother?”

“She”¦she can”¦can come see me…ple-pleeease!”

“Ohhh, sweetheart, come here.” Sylvia pulled her into her arms and hugged her to her breast, in that instant, she was in love with Shawn’s child. In the blink of an eye, an unexplainable maternal protectiveness surged up to hold onto her. With her eyes closed and her cheek resting on the top of her black silky head, she wondered what in the world they were to do. The thought of her having to go back into such an unhappy home, where it was obvious children were not allowed to flourish in a way that assured a well-balanced lifestyle, was unthinkable.

“I don’t know what can be done, Angela, I truly don’t. But I’ll talk to your father. Go get in the shower now, when you’re done, just knock on the door across the hall.”

“Okay,” she squeaked low, and went into the bathroom.

---

Chapter 35

“I can’t believe he has my daughter with her. I can’t believe it! I mean…why? What right has he to just pass our daughter over to this perfect stranger?”

“And”¦a negro at that!” Deidre’s mother pointed out.

“That has nothing to do with it, mother! I wish you would stop going on and on about it! I would feel the same way if she were white!” Deidre snapped, her mind in a whirl over what could possibly be going on.

“You mark my words, they’re slick! I’m betting she’s out to hook your daughter in order to have a stronger hold on him. They are cunning…don’t you think they aren’t. Silly daughter of yours has played right into her hands. I get a feeling we’re going to need to call in a lawyer! I can feel it…yes…we better give him a call.”

“Mother! I can’t think with you going on and on and on! Please!” Deidre stopped her pacing to growl.

“Oh, come on! What’s there to think about? If they weren’t up to something, he would have told you where they were, so we could just go pick her up and leave already! But he didn’t! I’m beginning to wonder if they didn’t put her up to this! I have a feeling he has plans of trying to take your daughter from you. Em-hmm, run away my ass! What child would leave all that she has to go with him, unless he’s promising her things!”

“Shawn would never try to take her away from me. He would never!”

“Don’t you dare presume to know him! After all, who would have thought that he’d ever couple up with a negro! Why would any white man want a black woman?” She shivered in distaste.

“Mother! The same reason any man wants any woman! What is it with you? On top of everything else, you’re also a bigot!” It was Deidre’s turn to shiver.

“And I can’t believe you’re taking that so lightly that he’s with one!”

“It’s nothing new, mother! It has gone on from the beginning of time! You are not going to turn this into a racial matter! Her being black is the last thing on my mind! I’ve never met one black person that has done me any harm! But I’ve crossed a few white bitches in my time!” she argued, and in her mind said, sad to say, one of them includes my own mother.

“Aah, I see where this is going. You’re being like this because we made you break it off with that black boy you liked when you were fourteen!”

“There was nothing to break off! It was completely innocent! That was a long time ago! Please, let’s not go back…I know you don’t want me to remind you of how you and father wrecked his life. His mother’s life!”

“Wrecked hell! We probably spared him a lot of heartache and trauma! They both learned to keep in their place, not to dare and try to cross over into our white world. They don’t belong in it, unless they’re serving or cleaning.”

“Enough! Goodbye! You in large doses is equivalent to angel dusting!” Deidre fired off, heading for the door. She needed to go for a walk and think. Slamming the hotel door behind her, she strode down the hall towards the elevator. The Concourse Hotel was located in the downtown area of Madison. The sights included the Capital Building, theatres, shops and a central park that Deidre headed for, stepping from the elevator past the luxurious gift shop.

Georgiana left their Governor’s Club room and searched out the restaurant bar. There she sat sipping her Bloody Mary, thinking about nothing but Shawn. At one point, she thought she was crazy obsessing over him as she was. Had he not rematerialized in her life married to her daughter, of all people, she might have been able to forget him. The man responsible for giving her the best pleasure she’d ever had had been hidden behind a mask and headscarf, but she wasn’t fooled. She knew it was him. The look that crossed his features still showed clearly in her mind. What else could explain his blatant actions of never wanting to be in a room alone with her, doing all he could not to make direct eye contact. He didn’t even like her near him. Were he on one side of the room, and she tried to cross it towards him, he made an excuse to move or leave the room.

Yes, you are him, indeed. Why do you run from me? No woman can give you what I can, she thought hungrily. Her heart was beating so fast, her system surging from the memory of him having it all, knowing all of what was needed to bring her the kind of soul-shaking climaxes some women could only dream about. Having seen him time after time, watching the way that he walked, listening to his voice, his gestures and movements, gripped her in the knowledge that she just might be in love with him. If not, then certainly an overwhelming lust with him. She’d worked along with her husband to make sure their marriage didn’t last. Yet even after the divorce, he still refused to see her alone. Avoiding her phone calls, the messages that she left him. She’d humiliated herself just about, trying to get him to admit that he was what she knew him to be. Then one day, he was gone””again! Moved back to Wisconsin, no word to his ex-wife or daughter as to where. With her pride singed, she decided to drop her pursuit of him. Unfortunately, everything she’d done to wash him from her mind, her body, her soul, proved unsuccessful. She couldn’t wait to see him again. She smiled. Run from me, will you? You’ll never be able to get away from me. Not ever, Everett Styles.

Sipping her drink, she couldn’t help but think of that stupid old woman, Merriam Styles, glad the old biddy was dead. She remembered arguing with the woman, it had become heated. All of her efforts to locate him and the truth of what she suspected, led her to Merriam. Had she not died, she might have possibly killed her. To learn that she was the reason he had suddenly disappeared from Melba’s, angered Georgiana. If it hadn’t been for her, she might have been able to buy him herself. But the old lady had gotten to him first. Hmph, yelling at me”¦you dried up old bitch! She remembered finding the woman in her garden picking roses when she introduced herself, tried to get a little information out of her concerning Shawn. Stupid old woman had been immediately defensive and protective of him, trying to pretend that he nor she had been anywhere near Melba’s. Well she knew better, had shown proof of the fact that she had been a member there. Then she’d made the mistake of turning on Georgiana, angering her so that she’d pushed the older woman down, yelling over her. Bringing her back to her senses was seeing the woman struggling for her next breath, then grabbing her chest. Georgiana had been quick and discreet in her departure, only to hear later that day, Shawn had found the woman dead in her garden.

Finishing her drink, Georgiana hailed the bartender for another one, thinking about her daughter. “Silly twit,” she muttered, never once wrestling with her conscience or letting it bother her that she lacked maternal devotion to her. As far as Georgiana was concerned, it was every woman for herself. She’d done her part as far as her daughter was concerned, she owed her nothing more beyond the point that she could care for herself. Life was too short for wasting precious time doing for other people what they wouldn’t appreciate anyway. It was all about her own needs. She had everything else in life that she wanted, but the ultimate man to compliment her. That man was Everett Styles. She would never refer to him as Shawn, she preferred the name Everett”¦it was more of a match for his style and manner. Her mind slipped into a fantasy of them together. Him dressed in only the best Armani suits, wearing the best cologne, hair cut and styled back with a tan that made all the women seeing him drool as he escorted her about on his arm. For him, were she certain that he would be hers, she would get rid of her husband.

“God I want you,” she moaned with the rim of her glass to her lips, tilting it to take a sip. The alcohol was loosening her inhibitions, stirring her imagination of them together in bed. “I need to get laid, and soon…preferably by you, Everett Styles. God I want him! How…how do you make a man like that your own? That black whore! Who are you?” She sighed, shaking it off. “No worries, I always get what I want…one way, or another.”

* * *

Deidre sat trying to make up her mind on what she was going to do. Here she was at a time in her life where she should be settled into a routine, only to find that she was no better off than she was years ago. How could she explain being thirty-four years old and still living in her parent’s home? She sniffed as the cool wind blew through the beautiful park across from the Capital building. Looking around her, she wondered what her future held. She kept thinking about Shawn’s past. Porn. She still couldn’t believe it, that he’d done such a thing. Granted, it was obvious he was very young. She was not naive to the lifestyle many in L.A. lived in order to make it. The fact was, knowing that he too had stooped to such actions, didn’t dim what she felt for him one bit. She wondered if his parents knew? She doubted it, she knew that Shawn was very guarded concerning his parents. They meant the world to him. He had only praises to sing as far as they were concerned. Following their marriage, he’d taken her home to meet them. Their entire lifestyle was completely different from anything she had ever experienced. The food they ate, the banter between siblings, the way they dressed and entertained each other. As hard as she had tried to fit in, she was awkward at best. Even so, all had been kind to her, and Shawn had been patient, understanding and loving.

Tears rushed to her eyes. “God please, I want my husband back, I want him back. Give me another chance.” Even as she muttered the prayer, she knew that there was no chance. He’d tried to give her the opportunity to turn things around, to put their small family first. He’d pleaded with her the week before their court appearance not to go through with it, to think of their daughter. She’d almost given in, but then her parents had disclosed his affair with the airline stewardess and she’d walked away. Angry and hurt by her rejection, his last words had been, “If you go through with this, Deidre, know this””there is no turning back. Do you hear me? There is no turning back! It will be final! I mean it!” he’d shouted.

Her mother and father had propelled her onward and she’d gone through with it. Six weeks later, she was certain that she carried his second child. Sobbing to her mother that she’d made a mistake, distraught and not knowing what to do, she’d given her medicine to calm her down. She’d fallen asleep only to awaken in the hospital. She’d miscarried. Devastated because the unborn child had been her one and only means to possibly win Shawn back, she had a slight breakdown. By the time she came out of it, she realized that she needed to harden herself. She gave up all hope and found comfort in angry bitterness. Giving up on all connected to him, she’d delved into work, the finance company. There was also Angela. While she loved her daughter with all of her heart, there were times that she was jealous of the relationship she had with her father. Then guilt would eat her alive and she would try to make up for it by showering her with gifts. No matter how much money she spent on Angela, nothing ever seemed to come close to pleasing her as being with her father. Deidre was afraid she was not really cut out for being a mother. She thought about the one role model she had, and it was no wonder that she at times had to force herself to spend time with her daughter. She didn’t really know how to function in the midst of someone so young. Being an only child, with a strict cool upbringing, left her working hard at trying to figure out how to make her have fun. She loved her, but something was missing”¦there seemed to be no connection.

Now…this. She’d run away to be with him. Maybe I should just do as father said and leave her to him.

Suddenly a long stem rose appeared before her, and the words kindly spoken captured her attention. “No one so pretty should look so sad.” She looked up into gentle brown eyes. “Here, take it,” the black man offered the rose again. Smiling, Deidre took it. He winked at her and walked away, carrying the remainder of the dozen roses he’d pulled the one she held from. “You’re lucky, whomever you are,” she muttered, watching him stroll off and he never looked back. She sniffed it again and remembered back to when she was a young girl. Jeremiah Franklin, son of her parent’s maid. He use to come to their house right after school to meet his mother, and then they would leave on their way home. They became fast friends, then one day out of curiosity, she’d kissed him. Her father caught the act and fired his mother. Jeremiah’s mother had begged him not to, that without the job she would not be able to pay her rent. He hadn’t listened, he fired her and forbade her to ever come back on their property again. A month later, Deirdre overheard her mother telling her father that Mrs. Franklin had committed suicide. That Jeremiah and his younger brother had been sent into foster care.

Deidre sniffed the rose. Sighing deeply, she checked her watch. It was almost one o’clock. She took her cell phone from her purse and dialled Shawn’s cell phone again. He answered.

“Yeah?”

“Well? Where can we meet?” she asked.

“At the Dane County Courthouse. We have to go before the judge there.”

“Dane County Courthouse! Before the judge? What are you up to, Shawn McPherson?”

“It’s too heavy to go into over the phone, Deidre, meet us there in thirty-five minutes. I’ll tell you what’s going on then,” Shawn said, then clicked off.

“If you think you’re going to take my daughter from me, you’ve got another think coming!”

---

Chapter 36

Shawn clicked the phone off and slipped it into the top pocket of his leather. He looked up for their waitress and signalled that they were ready for their check. She nodded from across the busy restaurant; he turned back to waiting for Sylvia and his daughter to finish in the washroom.

Sitting as he was in the Country Kitchen restaurant, his mind was ever busy as usual. The Clerk of Court had called to say the judge could see them at 2:00pm. He was nervous right then, so much was happening that he wondered if in the midst of it all, he would lose his grasp on things that meant the most to him. He was worried about his daughter. Worried about what her actions would mean for him. What they would mean for her, and as a result, what disclosures might erupt from it all. Nervous tension made his stomach queasy. Finally when his life was becoming stable and he had a woman in it that meant the world to him, would give him the type of family setting he now longed for, it could all be washed out because of his stupid past.

“Don’t take this direction…I swear, boy, ’cause if you do”¦you gone regret it one day! I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but if you keep going as you do”¦you’re going to look back one day and hate what you’ve done!” He wondered how many times his father’s words would rush down on him before they broke him.

The waitress came and laid the check before him. Glancing up with a smile he was far from feeling, “Thank you,” he offered and returned his pensive stare out the window. The sun was out, but it was a cold day. He’d had to run Sylvia by the Wal-Mart, letting her out so she could go in and purchase a coat for Angela. What she’d run away wearing wasn’t appropriate for the weather. He had sat in the SUV watching them dash inside as he parked to wait. As mix-matched as they were, in less than 24 hours, there was something between them that he’d never seen between his daughter and Deidre.

Earlier, when they were still at the hotel and he’d come out of the shower and dressed, Sylvia was there waiting for him so she could talk to him. She had tears in her eyes and began telling him right away the state of Angela, what she was feeling, her request again, and the way she’d been living while with Deidre’s family. He knew that what was happening was stressful, and no doubt Sylvia was exhausted, certainly that was part of the reason she was so emotional, bursting into tears as she was. Plus it was obvious she was touched and naturally a soft-hearted person, regardless of the strong front she put up for him. When it came to Angela, she was as compassionate as he felt a “real” mother would be. In her telling, he had to hug and comfort her from being so upset over Angela, which moved him, bringing them closer to see her so worked up over his daughter. Once she’d calmed down, he’d informed her of the decision he’d come to already before she’d shared with him what she had.

“How would you feel if I told you, I’ve decided to try and gain permanent custody of her? It was on my mind all last night. Now you tell me this. Sylvia”¦I know this might be more than you bargained for”¦but”¦I have to get my daughter. My plan is to hire a lawyer and try to persuade the courts to let me be a full-time father to her. So, now, I suppose the question is…is that going to be okay with you?”

“Shawn, she’s your daughter…and from what I’ve noted just in the last few hours, she needs you. I was going to try and talk you into possibly fighting for her, but I wasn’t sure how you would take me asking that.”

“So you’re going to support me? All the way? Which means when we marry, she will be with us. You will be the main role model””mother””in her life.”

“Shawn…I’m fully aware of what this means, should you win your case.”

“And you’re ready for it?”

She had sighed deep and looked at him long and hard. “Again, I have no choice.”

“You know what, I don’t like it when you put things that way!” he hurled. “You make it sound as if it’s something I’m forcing on you. As if I’m forced on you! Teenage girls knocked up are forced into things!”

With a slight shake of her head, Sylvia had chuckled as she rolled her eyes to the ceiling. Shawn had shot up from the bed in a huff. “What’s funny now?” he demanded. She only shook her head and said, “I’m not laughing at that, Shawn, it’s irony that’s got me right now. Look, Shawn…I’m here, aren’t I? I was going to try to persuade you into fighting for her. So what does that tell you? What is it with you? Do you trust that I love you or not?”

Shawn had raked his fingers through his hair. He was battling feelings of insecurity. He was scared. Things were happening that he hadn’t bargained on.

Sitting there in the restaurant now, Shawn sighed again. His next thought was when Angela had finally come to his room. He and Sylvia told her the decision they’d made together. She had been elated, throwing her arms around him, she was so happy. Shawn had drawn back away from her, taking her by the arms to put distance between them. Ever since her false claim, he felt uncomfortable with her that close, hugging him. Sylvia had noticed the look on his face as they made eye contact. Angela felt the difference as well, looking at her father strangely. “Daddy?”

“Look, ummm, Angela…I think it’s best you not”¦you know”¦do that any more, I mean.”

“Why?” she asked with her face crumbling.

“Just”¦just”¦don’t, okay?” he requested awkwardly.

“Don’t you love me anymore, daddy?” she asked, distressed. “I said I was sorry. I didn’t mean it. I’m sorry, daddy…I didn’t mean it.”

“You don’t have to cry, Angela. I just”””

“You don’t love me anymore!” she accused him, her eyes welling up.

“Angela, I just told you we’re going to try to get custody of you, full-time””all the time like you wanted! If I didn’t love you, would I be trying to do that?” he’d asked.

She had only shrugged, backing away from him with her head down, she looked behind her at Sylvia and turned to her. Something in her knew that with her, there was someone who knew what she was feeling. Sylvia had gathered her into her arms as the young girl wrapped her arms around her waist and hugged her tight. Sylvia had leaned down and gently reminded her, “Remember what we talked about last night, honey, remember? Time…do you?”

Angela nodded that she did.

“Good, keep that in mind.”

Seeing that with his own eyes stunned Shawn. In the whole ugly situation, in no time at all, Sylvia had bonded with his daughter. She trusted Sylvia, which told him something else. For a child to do that, to reach out to a practical stranger, meant there was something urgently vital, missing in her life. Something that she hadn’t been getting that Sylvia was sharing willingly, naturally, and Angela felt the validity of it. Affection, communication, tenderness, hugs, empathy and kindness. He couldn’t help the thought, my god Deidre! What have you been doing to our daughter, or better yet, not doing?

Reflecting back now, running over the course of their marriage from the time Angela had been born, being a mother had not been natural to Deidre. From the very start, she’d struggled with motherhood. At Angela’s birth, she had been nothing but nervous, with an anxiety that at the time he thought was normal. Looking back now, her nervous attempts with trying to touch and embrace the newborn, were as if she had been a spectator forced to participate. Her face lacked the emotional joy that a new mother should display. She had been almost horrified, while guarding it closely. She tried to breastfeed, something she didn’t want to do, but only because he had asked her. However, the first attempt not only embarrassed her, but put her off something so natural and the baby as well, crying out, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t…take it, take it, take it!”

“It!” She called her. “It!”

Remembering that now made Shawn sit and shake his head, seeing it all so clearly now. He’d needed to go home and clean up, take a nap, so left her in the capable hands of the nurses who tried to give her support, instruction and direction, understanding how the baby was her first. By the time Shawn showed up, she was in tears and needing him to change the baby. Dress the baby. Basically everything she should have felt joy and excitement in doing, she pleaded with him to do. He also carried Angela from the hospital, while Deidre was rolled in the wheelchair facing the fear of having to go home and be a mother to this new person. Again, Shawn had put it down to her being a new mother, too nervous to trust herself with the newborn, and add to it the fact that she’d lived such a life of privilege, that it was going to take her longer to adjust.

Unfortunately, as the days, weeks, months rolled by, her progress was slow at best. She didn’t seem to pick it up as he thought she would. He was waking up most of the time in the middle of the night, feeding the baby because Deidre slept right through her crying. She refused to bath her, saying that she was afraid of drowning it. She called her it one time too many, making Shawn shout, “Her name is Angela! An-ge-la! Not it! She’s your daughter! What is your problem?” Hurt, Deidre turned and ran into their bedroom to cry her eyes out, sobbing that she was a terrible mother and how sorry she was. Unable to see to the baby and her, Shawn would let her cry as he bathed his daughter. Diapered her, dressed her, fed her, talked to her, cradled her, and caught her first real smile. Realizing things could not go on as they were, he started leaving them together alone for hours at a time to force Deidre’s hand to participate in their daughter’s first year of life.

She finally began to notice that Angela was indeed human, real, with her eyes looking for her or her father. The more time she was forced to be with her, the better at being a mother she became, but it wasn’t natural”¦it was forced, although he knew that she loved her. Smiled at her more, touched her more, and seemed more fascinated by her. Especially when Angela began to crawl, grab things and make baby babbling noises. While that was indeed good, Shawn noticed another growing problem.

She didn’t clean house.

Many, many times he’d look up from painting to notice that their large loft apartment was littered with diapers, bottles, toys, spilled messes, and other things left to lay. He would stand looking around, wondering when she would notice it and do something about it. After a few weeks with the diapers smelling up the apartment, he would come from behind his canvas and clean house. Picking up diapers, taking out the overflowing diaper pail, washing bottles and pouring out formula that had been left to sour in the bottle. He washed the dishes, put things back in their places, scrubbed stains from various sources, vacuumed, dusted, did the laundry because he had run out of clothing and so had the baby. When that was all done, he’d go grocery shopping because he couldn’t stomach another take out, and then cooked.

It was as if she were a guest in their home, one that didn’t know how to pitch in, and finally he could take no more and brought this to her attention, trying to be patient about it. She smiled and suggested a maid for the house and a nanny for the baby.

“No!” he blasted.

“We can afford it! You have that money Merriam left you, and I have money as well.”

“No! I’m not touching that money…it’s for our daughter and her future! Anything we need, we need to earn it. Work for it!”

“Well, then, I’ll pay for a maid and a nanny.”

“What’s wrong with you, Deidre? Why can’t you do it? I have three covers to get done, but I’m getting behind because I have to do freakin’ housework!”

“Don’t get upset with me, I’m perfectly willing to hire a maid and nanny. You’re the one who’s having a problem with it.”

“You’re here all day, doing nothing!”

“And it’s boring! Which is something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. I’ve decided to work. I’m going to take the position at the finance company over the loans and mortgages department. I-I start Monday…so”¦unless you can do it all, I suggest you look into hiring them.” She swallowed nervously and lifted her nose up at him as he stared at her in disbelief.

“So you’re going to run off to work when you don’t have to, and leave our home to a maid and our child to a nanny?”

“What’s wrong with a maid? Or a nanny for that matter, I had one!”

“Well, you sure as hell don’t need to convince me of that!” he blasted. “Fine! Go to work! I’ll do it all! Nothing new in that!”

“You’re just being petulant and spiteful! I’m not cut out to be that kind of housewife! And there’s no reason why I should be! There are many women out there who would love a job as a maid and nanny to get their bills paid! You ever think about them, huh? Nooo! Because you’re so busy trying to bend me into June Cleaver! Well, I’m not!”

“Well you sure as hell aren’t! Go! Go to work, get the hell outta my face! My daughter and I will do just fine!”

Time went by, she seemed to grow more busy, coming home later. He was spending more time raising their daughter, cleaning house, and painting like crazy while Angela napped, struggling to meet deadlines so as not to lose jobs. He was determined not to touch that money Merriam had left him, just as his mother had not touched hers. It was there when he and his brother and sisters got old enough to use it, and so would the $200,000 left to him. His daughter would have the same advantages that he had, and if there were ever anymore children, it would be split between them. Their relationship was strained with her spending too much time working, shopping, and at her social clubs, and when at home, they argued.

Times were too many that she promised to be home at a certain hour so he could make his meetings and presentations. She was always either late, or claiming to have forgotten all together, forcing him to take Angela with him. Their arguments grew in proportion and he threatened to leave her and take Angela with him. The prospect of that scared her enough to straighten up for a period of time, and then slowly…she’d slip right back again. Topping it all off, he had her mother to contend with. She had a habit of just showing up when she knew that Deidre was not there, subtly trying to seduce him.

The marriage crumbled.

“Shawn”¦Shawn”¦we’re ready,” Sylvia called from beside him, bringing him out of his reverie. He turned and looked up at her, smiling, he scooted from the booth, looking at his daughter standing by Sylvia’s side holding her hand, holding it as if it were her lifeline. “You okay?” Sylvia asked. He stood tall beside her, blowing nervously from his mouth and adjusting his jacket, his stomach was tied up in knots. “Yeah…we better get going, we don’t wanna be late. I still have to talk to Deidre.”

They all turned, he reached for the check and all three walked up to the cashier to pay and then head for the courthouse.

 

End of episode 12

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Bomaw ““ Episode 11