Written by Mercedes Keyes
Interracial drama series
[Overall] Rated R

To read further ““ http://amberswann.com

Chapter 31

Sylvia sat with her eyes burning, her ears ringing, and her head spinning. She wondered if she were possibly having a nightmare. This cannot be happening…this cannot be happening, she kept repeating in her mind, then shook the thoughts. She could not hear what the officer was saying while thinking, this cannot be happening!

“Are you okay, ma’am?” the officer asked, noticing her reticence to respond.

“I’m just tired. Stunned…I can’t believe this is happening,” she muttered her thoughts.

“Well, I can assure you that I understand how difficult this is. If you sign here and here, we can release him through the bond you paid. Then you can sign these papers to gain temporary custody of his daughter.”

“And if she doesn’t wish to come with me? Then what?” Sylvia asked.

“We’ve talked to Mr. McPherson, and we’ve spoken with her as well. She knows that if she doesn’t agree to be in your temporary custody, she must remain here until morning, and then Social Services will pick her up until her mother arrives to get her.”

“She ran from her father, she may very well run from me. She’s never met me, doesn’t know me from Adam,” Sylvia explained, weary with dread.

“We’re aware of that, so if you don’t sign for her, she will have to stay here until Social Services comes for her. Give it some thought. I’ll go and release your fiancé now,” the officer informed her as Sylvia finished signing for Shawn. He stood and left the small cold office of the Dane County Courthouse, leaving Sylvia to sit, shiver and think herself crazy once again for the wrong turn she made in deciding to bring him into her life. While she waited for him to be brought out, her mind went back over what had taken place as explained by the officer.

Shawn had been driving back with his daughter, she grew upset with him, jumped from his vehicle in the middle of traffic, he damaged two other vehicles trying to get over to run after her. Those whose cars he damaged, pulled over and called the police. The police arrived, searching the area for him and found him on a side street arguing with his daughter, tugging her by the arm to get her back to his vehicle. The police got out of the car and approached them, when his hysterical and out of control daughter used their presence to get free from her father by refusing to return with him, and then blurting out, “He touches me!” Shawn was then arrested and his daughter taken under custody of the court.

Sylvia leaned her face into her palms, her eyes closed with her elbows on her thighs, the accusation running through her mind. He touches me”¦He touches me!

“Oh no, god…oh no, please don’t let that be true. Please”¦” she moaned to herself as she heard the door open, Shawn and the officer were talking as they entered the room. She sat up and looked towards the door. The look of him broke her heart. He was so weary and devastated. His eyes were ringed, dark and tired, with fine lines showing at the sides. The shadow of beard growth outside of that which was trimmed made him look rough, but his eyes, without hesitation, went straight to hers and clear to her heart. She was doomed. All she could do was pray as she stood when he walked towards her. Not a word was spoken between them, his arms went around her desperate, tight, squeezing.

“It’s not true, Sylvia. It’s not true! I’ve never…not ever”””

“Shhh”¦I’m here”””

“I can’t! I have to say this now!” He pulled away, grabbing her upper arms in a tight grip. “I need you to know this…what she said, that I touch her…God almighty, I would never do such a thing! I would never! I need you to look at me, look me in the eyes and please believe me that it’s not true…I would never, Sylvie! I would never do such a thing! God as my witness, I would never!” His eyes filled with tears, Sylvia’s did the same and pulled him to her. On her tiptoes, she reached up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. “I believe you…I do”¦I believe you!” He had her lifted up off of the floor, hugging her to him.

“Echm…I, ummm, think we need to reach a decision concerning your daughter,” the officer interrupted.

The two pulled away from each other, maintaining eye contact another moment before turning back to the officer and taking a seat before his desk. Sylvia was the first to speak up. “This is all wrong, I know he didn’t do what she’s claimed,” she tried to defend.

“Ma’am, as I explained to Mr. McPherson, it doesn’t matter that she’s recanted her claim. Once such an accusation has been raised before witnesses, especially the police, we cannot release her back into the custody of the accused. Until the matter is proven to be an impulsive lie, we have to take it seriously and see to the protection of the victim, in this case, your daughter.”

“My daughter is not a victim!”

“Well, sir, my hands are tied. She cannot be turned over”””

“Wait a minute here, slow down. Did you say she recanted?” Sylvia asked for clarification.

“Yes, I did. She did admit to us that she was upset and angry with her father, and only said it because she wanted him to let her go, that she meant to hurt him. She didn’t realize that it would get him arrested and into the trouble that’s taken place thus far.”

“Well, what does that tell you?” Sylvia asked.

“Ma’am, look. We cannot be certain of the reasons for her taking it back. Maybe it was the shock of seeing her father handcuffed, and to see him as upset as he was. You’d be surprised at how many cases come through, where what the child finally told was true but tried to take back, because having the courts take over is so upsetting to all involved. We, however, have no choice but to follow through, file a report and set up the necessary procedures to get the Child Welfare Department in on this, and Social Services.”

Shawn sat back saying not another word. He was still feeling body slammed. To hear his daughter say those words, to see the look in her eyes, he stared at her in abject disbelief, feeling as though someone had kicked him in the stomach. Having the police pull their weapons on him, shouting for him to release her, yelling for him to get down on the ground, had been the thing that brought him out of his stunned stare, had brought her out of her hysteria, making her suddenly realize what she’d done. The damage had been done, no matter that she began crying and yelling at the officers, pulling on their arms and crying out, “It’s not true! It’s not true! Don’t do that to my dad! It’s not true!” They hadn’t listened, they could only hear her first claim. She was pulled away by an officer and shoved into a back seat, while Shawn lay getting handcuffed.

“So, I can sign for her?”

“I don’t want you to, let’s go,” Shawn said suddenly, surprising Sylvia and the officer. They both looked at him. “Shawn?” Sylvia called his name, surprised. “I mean it, let’s go. We’ll give Deidre a call, let her know what’s going on, and she will pick her up when she arrives.”

“But””” Sylvia couldn’t believe he was willing to do that.

“Mr. McPherson, are you sure about that?”

“Yes…I am. I…I don’t know her anymore. I don’t know what she’ll do. If she could say what she said about me, knowing that I have never, ever done anything of the sort”¦to my own chi””” he stopped, clenching his jaw as his eyes pooled, his chest hurt. It hurt. His heart felt broken. He sat rubbing his chest, trying not to cry. Sylvia wiped her own eyes, reaching over to rub his shoulders, offering whatever support she could. Shawn cleared his throat and sniffed. The officer passed them both the Kleenex box, they grabbed two to wipe their eyes and dry their noses. Sitting up straight, Shawn stiffened his resolve, he looked up at the officer. “I love my daughter. I have always loved her, as any normal father would love his daughter. I have never put my hands on her in any inappropriate manner. Not ever. I come from a normal, hardworking family background. With a normal loving father, and a normal loving mother. I nor any of my siblings were sexually abused by our parents. Just as it was not within them to do such a thing, it is not within me,” he swore before them both. Watching him, seeing the effects this was having on him, made Sylvia love him more. God help me if I am wrong about him, but he’s not guilty of this. No”¦not this man. I could not love a man guilty of something so vile and evil. As if he heard her thoughts, Shawn turned and looked at her. “You believe me, don’t you?”

“Yes, I do…I believe you.”

“Mr. McPherson, you may be telling the truth. However, until we are assured that you are, she stays with us, or goes into the care of your fiancée.”

“She stays with you. If she takes off again, something worse could happen.”

“Oh, Shawn,” Sylvia groaned, now thinking of how this was going to hurt Angela.

“I completely understand your decision.”

“Am I allowed to see her before we leave?”

“For all intents and purposes, maybe it would be wise if you just left.”

“I’d rather not. I don’t care who is present, I just don’t want to walk off and leave her, without her hearing from me why I’m leaving her here.”

“She’s in the very next room, follow me,” the officer informed them. All three stood and walked across the office to a connecting room where she sat nodding on a black leather couch. She became alert and looked up as all three adults entered the room. Her eyes went straight to Sylvia, held a moment, then to her father. Her eyes watered. “Daddy, can we go now?”

Shawn inhaled deep and long, and blew it out walking toward her, but would not touch her or reach out. He knelt before her. “Look, umm””” Before he could start off good, she launched herself at him, knocking him back a bit. He had to throw one hand behind him to brace himself from falling to the floor as his other hand tried to push her off of him, back to the sofa.

“I’m sorry, daddy! Please, I just wanna go!” she cried, trying to hug him. Shawn kept pushing her away. Steadying himself, he reached up and pulled her arms from around his neck, forcing her back away from him to return to the sofa. He held her there to keep the distance between them.

“I want you to listen to me,” he tried again.

“Let’s just go, daddy, then we can talk. I wanna get out of here.” She was shaking, short quick rocks back and forth, anxious and afraid, so sorry for hurting her father.

“Angela, you can’t go with me. Your mother will be here soon, I’ll give her a call”””

“No! I wanna go with you!”

“You can’t go with me, do you understand? Not after what you said”””

“I didn’t mean it! I didn’t mean it! Please, sir, my dad didn’t do that! He didn’t!” She was sobbing.

“Angela! Calm down and listen to me!” Shawn shook her gently to get her attention back to him after she turned yelling the truth to the officer.

“Please, let me go with you!” she bawled.

“No…you cannot be alone with me anymore…you’re going to have to stay here”””

“They said I could go with Sylvia! You said Sylvia would be with me! She’s here! Sylvia! Sylvia, I’ll go with you! Please, I’ll go with you! I don’t wanna stay here!” Angela cried, turning pleading eyes to the black woman she knew was her father’s intended. Right then and there, she just wanted out of that police station. The entire experience left her exhausted, scared, and traumatized. She didn’t care that she didn’t know Sylvia, going with her was better than staying in the strange cold police station.

Sylvia started crying again.

“Shawn…I’ll sign for her,” she pleaded gently.

“No! I can’t take the chance that she’ll run again.”

“I won’t run, daddy! I swear I won’t! I swear, daddy…I won’t run, please, daddy…I won’t run! I’ll stay with Sylvia! Don’t leave me here!” she begged and pleaded, crying and shaking, grabbing her father’s jacket and pulling herself to him, trying to force him to grab her. Shawn’s knees were aching, he pushed himself up from the kneel and sat on the sofa with his daughter sitting next to him, hugging him and crying into his chest, begging him not to leave her. Shawn sat looking at Sylvia and then the officer.

“What’s it gonna be?” the officer asked, knowing this would be the outcome if he came in and talked to her before he left.

“I’ll sign for her!” Sylvia answered before Shawn could say anything.

“Wait a minute!” Shawn corrected her and then to his daughter. “Angela”¦Angela, look at me.” He grabbed her by the arms and pulled her off of him to make eye contact. Her nose was running, her eyes red and swollen from crying. The officer stepped up, passing the box of Kleenex again. Angela grabbed several out, blowing her nose, but she kept her eyes on her father. “If Sylvia signs for you”¦If we take you with us from here…you will not run! Am I making myself clear?”

She was quick to nod.

“I am your father and I love you with all of my heart and soul. But if you ever…ever pull what you did today again…that’s it”””

“Shawn! She’s your daughter, don’t say”””

“Sylvia”¦shush! I’m talking here! Let me handle this!”

Sylvia bit into her bottom lip and shut up. Right then, she felt certain their relationship had moved up to an entirely new and more intense level. This side of him, the man that dealt with his daughter in no uncertain terms, was startling. While, yes, he could flash a flirtatious grin, be charming beyond belief, was a incredible artist and a fierce fighter to protect her, he also showed himself to be very forthright and wouldn’t stand for shit from anyone, that meant her included, so certainly not from his daughter. There were many faucets to his make up, each one only served to excite and fascinate her more with him. He was a real man, as gentle as he could be rough. With every new introduction to his character make up, she found herself falling deeper in love. While at any other time, with her first husband, she would have been angry at being hushed, now, she found that she wasn’t. Something about his absolute masculinity, intensified her femininity to the extent that she would yield to him without dispute, because he was in the right””no matter how hard it was to watch.

“Don’t do it again, Angela…don’t do it again. I am your father, you will not control my life doing what you did, or saying what you have. You do not dictate to me! Your mother and I, are done! We are done for good! But that does not have to change what we have. I love you no less…but you will not emotionally blackmail me! You will not use these theatrics to get your way! Life is about change! Things have changed in your life and there is nothing you can do to undo the change. Do you understand me?”

She nodded, hiccupping and crying more.

“If you want to be with me, you will be with me on my terms…mine! If I could work out you being with me always…I would. But know this, get it in your head, get it in your heart, your mother and I”¦we are no more. That is final.”

“I’m sorry, daddy…Pl-pl-please!”

Shawn sighed and pulled her to him and hugged her. “I’m sorry, too, pumkin’…I’m sorry, too,” he returned, stroking her hair and looked up at Sylvia and the officer.

“Okay…she can sign for her.”

---

Chapter 32

“I’m not getting an answer from either place, his home or his mobile phone. I hope everything is okay. God, the least that he could do is call me!”

“Considering that it’s three in the morning there, he may have the phones off. Let’s not worry over that now, we have a little over two hours left of our flight, you’re better off getting some rest for when we get there.”

“I just hope to God he’s gotten Angela.”

“If you haven’t talked to him, how did you know she was there? You never explained that.” Georgiana asked softly in the quietly gliding jet. The lights were dimmed for them so they could sleep. Her daughter lay across from her as she voiced her thoughts. Deidre was quiet and thinking, trying to figure a way of telling her mother, then thought, what the heck! “I called back after the police left to give him an update, and someone else answered the phone,” she admitted. Her mother came to full attention, leaning up on her elbow to glance across the dimly lit space at her daughter. “A woman?”

Wrestling with the discomfort of it, Deidre answered, “Yes, a woman.”

“Oh my…well, there you go. Hmph, see…and you were going to try and move where he is. Maybe it’s a good thing you gave up those plans.”

“I made a mistake…so many mistakes,” Deidre said, laying quietly.

“How so?”

“He asked me to leave California. He asked me to put our family first. He asked me to trust in him. To believe that all my material things meant nothing. He wanted me to follow him, have his babies, so that together, we could farm some land…just as his parents did. Raise our children unspoiled by all the trappings of wealth and corruption. He was right, because all that I have…means nothing to me. If I don’t find a way out…I’ll…end up”¦like you. God help me, I don’t want to end up like you,” she spoke from her heart, not caring how it sounded to her mother.

Georgiana lay thinking about that, she chuckled softly after giving it some consideration. “Seems to me, you will never find your peace, or your place. You may not think much of my life, but I don’t waste time on trying to fix something that is obviously irreparable. I live my life for me. Because when it’s all over, I’ll only have death to face. Nothing left after that. I don’t believe in Hell, and I sure as hell don’t believe in Heaven. Just here”¦and now,” she said, laying back, her arm up over her forehead as she reclined contemplating her daughter. “You were such a silly child. Silly girl, and now a silly woman, and Shawn Everett McPherson was too much man for you.”

“When we get to Madison, do me a favor…leave me there. No need for you to stay.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re”¦so”¦sensitive,” her mother drug out slowly, grinning. “Now did I get all worked up when you insulted me? No…besides, you need me present to see that matters get taken care of correctly. She’s my granddaughter, I have every right to make sure she’s okay.”

“Whatever, mother, whatever. Were it not for the pictures of her arranged around the house, you’d probably forget what she looks like.”

“Beg your pardon, she looks like her father…so there. Anyway, who’s this woman?” her mother asked, her mind going back to her main concern.

“Her name’s Sylvia Payne. Angela told me about her. Shawn’s been seeing her for sometime, so it seems. She’s”¦black.”

“What! As in, African American black?”

“Yes.”

Georgiana threw her head back and dissolved into uncontrollable laughter. “Ohhh, my poor daughter…give’im up! She’ll eat you alive. Haven’t you been watching Jerry Springer? Hmmm, I wonder what she’s got that’s attracted him? Oooh, I do so love a challenge,” she muttered the thought, shivering.

“You so love a challenge? What have they to do with you?” Deidre asked.

“Oh, hush, I’m thinking. I mean, for you, of course! Leave it to me, give me a little time, and I’ll come up with the perfect formula to break them up. Won’t be that hard. One thing about them, they’re about nothing but the bling-bling, being seen, and a fancy ride. I’ll have to get to know her a little bit. So, when you talked to her, how did she sound?”

“Like a woman!”

“Well, duh! Of course! I mean, did she sound smart and white, you know, educated? Or did she sound like one of the bimbos off of Jerry Springer? Or country?”

“I don’t watch Jerry Springer mother, might I suggest you leave off from it as well? I would have thought you above those kind of talk shows.”

“You are so narrow-minded! Try thinking outside of the box! I happen to think he’s a genius. Don’t you get it? By opening the stage for them, he’s making it possible to expose them all for what they really are. He’s educating the world and giving them enough rope to hang themselves. Oh, when I think of some of them, I can’t believe Shawn would even consider a relationship with one.”

“Excuse me, if I’m not mistaken, there are white persons on his show as well!”

“Southern, hillbilly white-trash and rednecks! He can’t only use the blacks, then it would be too obvious what he’s doing.”

“Mother, you are truly twisted. The more I know you, the sadder I get. So if you would please, don’t say another word. I’d like to get a little rest before we land.”

“Yes, yes, go to sleep, leave it to me”¦I’ll fix it as usual.”

* * *

It took another half an hour for the officer to list what was expected of Shawn. He could not return to his residence until the investigators of Juneau County searched his home from top to bottom, and confiscated his laptop and computer. At no time could he be left alone with Angela. Sylvia had to read over the release and check off all that she would be expected to do when they released Angela into her temporary custody. She had to answer a number of questions asked by the officer that all started with, “Do you understand that at no time…” She also had to sign for a release for them to run a check on her background, everything there was about her had to be run. Having done all that was asked and answering, it prompted her to state, “We’re all too tired to drive back where we live and so we’ll be getting a room”””

“He’ll have to get a separate room. He cannot bed down in the same place with her. Also, you must both keep your cell phones on. As soon as the judge can attend to this matter, you will be called back to the courthouse, so stay in town until we contact you to appear before him. When you all return to your home, she will have to go home with you. She cannot sleep where he sleeps, until his things have been thoroughly searched and checked over by Social Services and they have spoken with her,” he went on carefully until they understood without any doubt, making Angela slip deeper into her sorrow.

Sylvia sat yawning as she followed behind Shawn in his SUV. It was almost 4:30am and they were all exhausted as he led the way to a Ramada Inn, after she drove him to his vehicle where Angela leapt out. She now trailed behind while she kept glancing to her right at his daughter. She was most certainly his child. Her hair, eyes, beauty…she was breathtaking to look at. The very image and essence of him. Hair so black, thick and long, she should be a child model. She was dozing now. Sylvia had mixed feelings surrounding the whole ordeal. While she was both hurt and disappointed at her for what she’d put her father through, she supposed this child was in an ugly emotional tug-of-war. Looking at her, seeing her the way she was earlier at the police station, only helped to support her reasons for never leaving her husband. Divorce did very unfair and sometimes tragic things to children, especially young girls, whose early years should be spent building their self image, character, and confidence.

Not fighting for her right to have a mother and a father with her, as every child deserved.

She couldn’t help herself, she felt stupid doing it, but she took her hand from the wheel and laid it on her lower belly and wondered, was her cycle changing, or was she at that very moment carrying Shawn Everett McPherson’s second child? If indeed she was, then what? She didn’t want any more children. After what his daughter had put him through, would Shawn? She yawned again, and turned on her right blinker to exit the interstate for the Ramada Inn ahead, following Shawn up the off ramp. They pulled in and parked right next to one another. Shawn was the first out, coming to her side of the car and opening her door for her. “Are you okay?” he asked, concerned, apology clear in his tired eyes. With all that he had gone through, he was worried about her, she could see it written all over his face. She noted that there was even a touch of fear, insecurity for what he was putting her through.

“I’m okay, Shawn, just tired”¦like you. Angela’s asleep,” she informed him. He bent down into Sylvia’s car and called his daughter awake.

“Angela…wake up. We’re at the hotel.” She stirred and slowly turned, opening the car door and tried to get out, then remembered her seat belt. Unbuckling it, she got out of the car, shivering.

Inside at the front desk, they requested two rooms right across from each other. Shawn walked them to their room, opening the door for Angela to go in first. He grabbed Sylvia’s arm, held her there a moment looking at her, really searching her eyes. “I love you,” he said softly. “Thank you for coming. For doing this, for going through it with me…and I’m so sorry to put you through it.”

“Well, I have no choice, Shawn, but to go through it with you. I promised to always be by your side, remember? I’m sorry I didn’t come with you when you asked. I love you, I’m in it for good, as I promised.” She lifted her hand and showed her ring to him, then winked. “You go get some sleep, we’ll be okay,” she finished. He pulled her to him and kissed her hard, next her cheek and forehead, holding her head to his lips as if he said a short prayer there. Pulling away, she turned and entered their room. Angela was in the bathroom as she walked with her bag Shawn gave her and sat it on one of the beds.

She sat on the opposite bed, exhausted, waiting for Angela to come out of the bathroom. When she did, it was slowly. Leaning against the door frame, she showed herself gradually, as if ashamed, staring at Sylvia. “Does my dad hate me now? He didn’t say goodnight to me.” Her tears started rolling.

“Ohhh, don’t cry honey, come here…come sit down across from me.”

Swallowing and wiping her eyes, Angela came and sat across from Sylvia in the short space that separated their beds.

She glanced up at Sylvia and then down, feeling shy and needing someone to understand how she felt.

“I got my dad in a lot of trouble,” she admitted softly.

“Yeah”¦yeah, you did.”

“I didn’t mean to…I just”¦ I-I want them”¦to be together so bad…I want things back the way they use to be, so bad that I thought”¦I don’t know.” She shrugged. “I guess you don’t really like me, either…after what I did.”

“Sweetheart, I’ve always anticipated meeting you. Seeing you because I know your father loves you so much. He’s so very proud of you, always has been. Annnnd, I’m not about to judge you on tonight. I know that nothing has been easy for you since your parent’s separation and divorce, so while what you did is not at all good…I wouldn’t dream of holding it against you.”

“Would it make you mad if I said…I kinda wish he didn’t love you…so he could love my mom again?”

“No, darlin’, hearing you say that is not going to make me mad. It’s perfectly understandable for you to feel that way. In fact, it saddens me that you have suffered so with them having to live apart.”

“I don’t understand why you’re being so nice to me, when I’ve been wishing that my dad didn’t love you.”

“You think that if I weren’t here, your dad would love your mother again then?”

“Well, maybe…if he didn’t have you, there would be no reason for him not to at least listen to her.”

“What you say may be true, however, if there was no me, chances are”¦there would be someone else. Your father is a very charming, kind, person. He’s someone that is easy to love, so…even if I weren’t in the picture, there very well could be someone else.”

“Yeah…I guess that’s true. He is handsome,” Angela said with a slight smile. “Sometimes, I-I wish I’d never been born. If I wasn’t here, they could both just go on with their lives, and I wouldn’t be so much trouble to them.”

“Honey, listen. First off, you were born and they don’t regret you, so you shouldn’t be feeling as you do. Believe me, when they fell in love and married, they hadn’t planned on it turning out this way. No doubt they made plans to live together and be happy and raise a family.”

“Then what happened?” Angela asked, needing to know.

“Things happen, Angela, other people happen, outside forces and circumstances. It’s like…sometimes you make up your mind to do something for a certain reason. In your own head, you see how you want it to turn out. Then someone comes along and makes a mess of all of your plans. Sometimes the mess they make is so bad, that nothing you do brings it back to the way you intended it to be. Like tonight, for instance. You made a snap decision to say that terrible thing concerning your father. Your plan may have been to shock him, make him take you seriously so that he would do things your way, however”¦it didn’t turn out as you planned it. The police were there and they took what you said, made a big mess of it. No matter what you said to try to fix it, it couldn’t be fixed, the damage is done. Now because of that…your dad must live with the consequences of your actions…even though you didn’t mean it to be this way.”

“I didn’t! I swear I didn’t!”

“I know you didn’t, sweetheart, but can’t you see, Angela…it was the same for your mom and dad. Even though it wasn’t the police that made a big mess of it, other people and things did. Annnd, no matter what your mom or dad did to try to fix it, it was too late, the damage was done…and you are the one who has to suffer with the consequences of it, even though they didn’t mean for it to turn out this way. Just as you can’t go back and make this”¦what happened tonight right, your dad can’t go back and make things right with your mom. It’s done for him, no matter what your mom wants, or you want, it’s done.”

Large gray-blue eyes rose to stare into Sylvia’s, making her catch her breath…this young girl really was stunning. “I wish so bad with all my heart and soul that I could go back and take those words back. Never say them, because my dad doesn’t love me anymore now…like he doesn’t love my mom.”

“Wrong…that’s not true. Come here…come on.” Sylvia held her arms out to her. Angela hesitated, then finally, she rose and went to her, sitting next to Sylvia who wrapped her arms around her. “Your father will always”¦always love you. He’s hurt…very badly…but he still loves you. Right now he’s thinking about it all. He will reach the same conclusion that he always has, that you’re his little girl…and he’ll understand that all you’ve ever wanted, was to have him and your mother. Sometimes, you can want something sooo bad, that you do things that only make it worse, but that feeling inside…drives you crazy, makes you crazy”¦and, baby, tonight you was crazy!” Sylvia chuckled. Angela grinned and sniffed, wiping her nose.

“So he’ll forgive me?”

“Yeah…he will and he’ll love you just as much as ever.”

“He didn’t hug me, though, or kiss me goodnight. He doesn’t smile at me anymore, either.”

“Give him some time, Angela, it’s all still fresh, he has a lot to sort out with this. The next few months, maybe even the next year or more, is going to be really tough on him. A lot like what you’ve been going through since he moved away here to Wisconsin. Just like they need to give you time to handle what’s happening, he needs time to get his head together to handle what the authorities are going to put him through. Even so, he will love you no less. As for me, I can honestly say that I happen to like you a lot. You sat here and was completely honest with me. I respect that in you. So…let’s just take things one day at a time, okay?”

Angela nodded, then sat back away from Sylvia. “I’m really tired.”

“Yeah…so am I, let’s try to get some sleep.”

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Chapter 33

If it wasn’t for the connection sex had to love”¦the cleaner, decent, wonderful, wholesome side of it, Shawn lay feeling he’d rather never have sex again. Yet there was Sylvia. She made him feel things so deep from within, the urge to connect with her, to fill her, was uncontrollable at times. She made the difference in what he felt about the act. Such a contrast from the women he’d known in the past. There were times when they actually got on his nerves because of the way they were with him, especially those that knew his size. He felt it was a repellent to have a woman throwing herself at him, willing to do anything to be laid.

His head hurt, it was a headache from stress. He lay in his hotel room, on his back, head on his pillow, knees up, wearing only his boxers, arm slung over his eyes. Eyes that had been running with tears for the last half an hour. While he should be sleeping, would like to be sleeping””as exhausted as he was, truly weary to the bone””yet all of that was not enough to get him off to the land of rest, with his mind packed and racing with haunting acts and memories from his past. So much going on in his head that it wouldn’t leave him to drift off. It had been a long time since he’d felt this blue, bummed out, downhearted…degraded.

He swallowed and then sniffed, letting the tears roll, because he’d left off trying to wipe them away.

“I knew it would all come back to me…one day, god. I knew it would. But”¦not from my daughter…God Almighty, you know me! Not my sweet little girl. I would never…never”””

He stopped, feeling a sob well up from his prayerful mumbling. He sat up, walked to the white marbled bath and pulled the Kleenex box from the encased holder under the sink. Blowing his nose, he stared at himself in the mirror. There was so much to regret. He thought that his past was just that, in the past”¦all behind him. Yet it seemed not to be true that one could bury their past and leave it there, because there would always be reminders to bring back to you what a low state you had sunk to.

Shawn stepped over to the toilet, lifted the lid and parted his briefs to relieve himself. Standing there holding his penis, the size of which was a gift from his father, had at times in his life become a curse to him. Of course, with no one else to blame but himself. Giving himself a quick shake then a dry off with the toilet paper, he washed his hands and went back to his bed, propped himself up against the headboard and flicked the TV on. Not watching, just thinking…about his life and the stain on it. There had been no need for his checkered past, yet he certainly had one. He’d come out of high school resentful, tired, angry, cocky, full of himself, and wanted by many of the girls. He had been lead player in high school football, wrestling, hockey, top swimmer, and track runner. He remembered clearly that back in high school, he could make a girl wet her panties just by leaning her way, touching her, flashing his eyes, giving her a smile. The phone was constantly ringing off the wall at home which drove his parents crazy. Anyone who answered it, just about knew that it was for”¦

“Shawn! Phone!”, “Girl name Karen on the phone, Shawn!”, “Christine”¦Shawn!”, “Sophie”¦Shawn!”, “Brenda”¦Shawn!”, “Sarah Jane”¦Shawn!”

He shook his head as he remembered his younger sister, Kathy-Ann, having a fit.

“Shawn, Shawn, Shawn, Shawn, Shawn! We not your daggone answering service! Silly twits, you don’t even like any of them! Tell’em to stop calling!” she shouted, upset because she was always waiting for a phone call, yet he would be on the phone or it would be for him. As for when he was home from school, no matter what the girls thought he was, there, he was eldest son of five with plenty to do. His dad stood for no nonsense when they arrived home from school, especially him and his brothers, they had work to do, helping their father on the farm. If his dad came in and caught him with the phone in his hand when he had chores to see to, one look would make him hang up. Bartholomew Jacob McPherson was a strong, stern father who tried to keep his five children in check. He saw to it that they went to church every Sunday, like it or not. He was a Baptist, his wife had been a Catholic. She’d given up her beliefs and sided with her husband after a few discussions, agreeing with him on many issues, and so, converted easily. Sunday after church, he would take them all into town as an end of the week outing, giving his wife a break from cooking. They’d be sitting at their table at the steak house, and Shawn would have to endure the girls giggling and walking by trying to get his attention, speaking to his parents, being ever so polite and mannerly.

“For heaven-sake! A body can’t even enjoy Sunday dinner without them hovering about trying to get your attention!” his mother would grumble, eyeing him. It was her fault, his looks. He was the only one of the five who looked just like her. Everyone who knew her always said she was a definite match as an Elizabeth Taylor look-alike. Some figured she was a bit prettier, if that could be imagined. Shawn was the masculine version of her, thanks to his father, who added a few features that turned him out as a true handsome young man. His father stood 6’3, while he stood 6′, thanks to his mother who was not quite Sylvia’s height of 5’4. As a first child and son, beautiful from birth, he had been doted upon. Bart was intent that his son turn out right, and so increased his efforts to keep him from being a wimp, a softy. He worked him hard daily, disciplined him by word as well by strap, if need be – sometimes more than his mother cared for. From his father, he received no preferential treatment. Even so, when he deserved a reward for something well done, his father had given him his pat on the back in many ways, including his art set at fourteen, mainly encouraged by his mother and then his very expensive photography equipment when he graduated from high school. When time for college came around, his mother had it in hand. Her family had been wealthy, but she had walked away and left it all for Bart, no material things meant more to her than the man she set her sights on to marry. When she left, her father, loving her as he did, was generous and placed two hundred thousand dollars in her own bank account. She never touched it. She said that was for her and Bart’s babies when they were ready for college, so it sat gaining interest. By the time Shawn was ready for college, all three sat and had a talk on how he would use it and where he would go.

That’s when his life started taking a wrong turn. What he wanted to do with his college money, his parents wouldn’t agree to. It was for college and college only. The discussion escalated to the point that Shawn, in his young foolishness, shouted at his parents for the first time.“Keep the money, then! I don’t want it! Don’t need it!” he informed them, knocking his chair backward with the thrust of his body as he stood from the table, college wasn’t the only reason he lost it that one time with them.

“Have you lost every bit of sense the good lord gave you?” His father stood next. It was obvious to Shawn, he was in danger of being knocked out. His father could do it, too, the man was as strong as a bull and could be just as mean. Shawn stood back a bit, not willing to go up against his dad. “I’m leaving,” he finally said. “Keep your money. I have what I need to make it,” he said in a quieter voice.

“Son…don’t do this. All your dad and I want you to do is go the slow, careful way. Haven’t we indulged you in your talents? We know you want to draw, paint”¦be a photographer, but the right way to do it is to go to school. Get all the other skills, learn things that will support you while you grow as an artist. Purchase for yourself a degree, then pursue this,” his mother tried to reason with him.

“What are they gonna teach me that I don’t already know? Why should I have to pay for something that I already have!” he’d argued, haughty, resentful once more, bold with them for the things he held against them in his mind, his heart.

“But that’s all you have, boy! You need to fill your head! This world is changing! You need that schooling! That’s all your mom and I have talked about, the blessing we have to be able to send our kids off to good universities. Don’t waste it, Shawn! Don’t take this direction…I swear, boy, ’cause if you do, you gone regret it one day! I don’t know when, I don’t know how, but if you keep going as you do”¦you’re going to look back one day and hate what you’ve done, and how you’ve wasted the opportunity to be something better than us. I’m telling you, son.” His father had pleaded with him, showing some regret himself over things he felt his son must hold against him.

Shawn’s head lay back on the wall, hearing those words come back at him now, and it wasn’t the first time they came at him.

Young and foolish, he’d gotten up in the middle of the night and took off. Leaving his family with a note that said, “I’ll show you. I know what I’m doing. This is my life, and I’ll make it big, and I won’t use your money to do it. Don’t want anything from either of you.” He withdrew all of his savings that his mother forced them all to have as they grew up from allowances. $5,000″¦it had seemed like so much money. With his camera and photography equipment, as well his art supplies, he boarded a bus, one among several with the connections needed to bring him to Los Angeles, California.

Nothing had turned out as he’d planned it. He’d gotten an apartment, which was eating through his money faster than he figured, and couldn’t find a job. At eighteen years old, no one would give him the time of day as far as photography was concerned. Forced to survive, his first real job was painting houses and cleaning windows. Ends weren’t meeting, so he started waiting tables in a really swanky restaurant. Depending on the tables he waited on, and the charm and smiles, made the difference in the tips he received. Older women were big tippers, huge tippers. That’s when he remembered the one tool he hadn’t used yet…his looks, his stature. Women loved him, the more he flirted, the more things started working for him in terms of a good day at work or a bad one.

It was then when one of the black cooks said to him when they were in their break room, “Man…white boy like you, wit’ them looks, if you had a big dick…you could make some money…some serious cash!”

“What’s the size of my dick have to do with anything?”

“Man, com’on! Mothafucka, you know what I’m talkin’ ’bout! Layin’ pipe fo’cash, boy! It’s big bidness in pumpin’ the dog, man! Way you got som’o these women lookin’ at you? How’s it hangin’, man…or does it hang? Or you a thumb buddy…lil’ twinkly-dink!” Jesse laughed as he wiggled his thumb. Shawn shocked him by unzipping his pants and pulling himself free. “How much will that get me paid?” he asked, not realizing what he was getting himself into – trying to be smug, smart and shocking. Jesse jumped up, laughing and holding his hand high to slap Shawn’s for a high five. “Whoa, man! Hell naaaw, where you get that big dick from?”

“M’daddy.” Shawn grinned.

“Yo’country ass! Let’s go, dude, we gone have to thank papa lata’! I got an idea, ‘Chocolate and Vanilla swirl, gone take you on a trip around the worl’, lay a little bit here, an’ a little bit there, ‘nough for every woman or girl’! Hell yeah, we gone do this! We gone be one fuckin’ team!”

And they were, Jesse was right.

They were getting paid and getting laid, in every way imaginable. They became close friends, guarding each other’s back. Jesse thought they’d do better pooling their incomes, and so moved in together. Shawn remembered his old friend with a smile. Jesse was five years older than he was. Always laughing, making fun, and keeping him in stitches. He taught Shawn how to walk and carry himself. “Look’heh, boy, I’mo teach you something! You got to polish yo’ shit, man! Don’t be walkin’ like that! Relax, check me out! See that, tha’s how you walk. Hold yo’ bidness, man, shooot, I’m tellin’ you. Women love this shit!”

“I’ah look stupid walking around like that!” Shawn had protested.

“Yeah, shit…you right. ‘Cause either you got it, or you don’t! Hey, but that’s okay, I’mo have to help you wit’ what you got.” And so he had, with the next thing. “Boy, you need to work yo’ ass out! Look at’you, man!”

“What’s wrong with me?” Shawn had protested.

“You need definition. Abs, boy! Pop them muscles, rock-hard that butt! Look at my fine ass! Maaan, I take my shirt off, five women be on the flo’, three wit’ they legs spread! Shiiit…I’mo get you straight! And, man”¦keep yo’ willy protected! Don’t fuck nobody wit’out yo’ shit on! I’on care what nobody say! Shield yo’ shit! Maaan, there’s some stuff out there that will shrivel that son’vabitch to nothin’! I ain’t playin’, boy, better take me serious!” Shawn did.

Jesse had him working out, told him he didn’t need to smoke, and he didn’t need to drink. Saying that he needed, “To keep that hard-on reliable! That’s yo’ ticket, man! Pump that iron, but leave them steroids to the dummies, tha’s another thing shrink yo’ shit!”

On and on he would go, and they grew closer. While Shawn began feeling protective of Jesse, Jesse felt protective of Shawn. So close, they were beginning to feel like brothers. They came as a team, or they didn’t work at all. Shawn had surprises of his own, he cooked dinner and made Jesse some catfish and greens. “Hang on! You cook this shit?” Jesse asked, shocked in between a forkful of greens, pinching off the corn bread and then diving into the catfish. “Sure did,” Shawn bragged. “My mom made me cook sometimes, when she and dad went off to take care of business that had them in town all day. She would lay it out, tell me how and leave me to it.”

“Boy! Aww, man…this what I’m talkin’ bout!” Jesse complimented as he cleaned his plate. “You damn near good as me! That’s sayin’ something!”

They went on for more than a couple of years that way, getting to know each other, sharing their past lives. Jesse telling him about his father. “My ole man was a trip. Mean mothafucka! He didn’t know us by name, it was always…Lil’ mo’fo, nappy head mo’fo, black ass mo’fo or ugly mo’fo! We all knew our names! Man, I got tired o’that…hell, I just up and left. I ain’t gone be like that with my kids when I get married.”

“You wanna get married?” Shawn had asked.

“Hell yeah, I do! You’on think I’mo be a worthless piece o’shit all my life, do you? I’m gone be a father one day, but I’m gone be a good one. I ain’t gone be doing all that cussin’! Yellin’ and carryin’ on. And my woman…that’s where you gotta be careful! Yo’ woman got to be right! Like these lil’ silly bitches that be all over us cause of our clothes, what we drive, and the money…and the dick! Man, no way! Em-um…hell naaaw! I want me a uppity-ass, stuck up, could give a shit if I’m coming or going, clean and got her shit together, fine-ass black woman! She got to be moral, straight, and lovin’ herself! That’s what I want. Man…if you can find a good woman like that? Yo’ ass got somethin’! One that you got to work yo’ ass off to get. But she got to be straight! Black woman like that”¦priceless! That’s what I want. That’s what you should hold out for.”

“I see, a black, uppity-ass woman, but she straight!” Shawn teased.

“Mothafucka, don’t play wit’me! You know what my ass mean! A white one for you, of course! Yo’ young ass!” Jesse grinned.

More than two years in, one day, they showed up on the set and things went wrong.

“No! Do you hear me, no! We ain’t doin’ that shit, man! I ain’t that low…and neither is he!” Jesse protested, realizing what was happening before Shawn. “What’s wrong, Jesse?” Shawn had innocently asked. “Look over there, that’s what they want us to do! Hell goddamn no! I don’t do little girls! They can’t be older than twelve, maybe thirteen – if that”¦no sir…no way!” Jesse was adamant. Shawn was horrified. It was bad enough that his conscience wrecked him at night over the way he made money. He would never live down the shame if his family knew, his mom and dad, brothers and sisters. But this”¦he stood staring with his heart pounding. They were obviously runaways. Both sat holding the other’s hand, eyes wide and frightened.

“You two signed a contract! You don’t tell me who you’ll screw, I tell you!” Dabney Harris started arguing with them. Jesse stood up front, shaking his head. “Man, you can kiss our ass! Bring me a woman, bring me an old wrinkled ass, pruny looking mo’fo…but no…I don’t do babies! I draw the line at that shit! You sick mothafucka! How dare you! Let’s go man!” Jesse had turned to him, grabbing Shawn by the arm to steer him out.

“You can go, we can get a nigger with a big dick anywhere! But he stays!”

“Nigger! Who you callin’ a nigger? See, tha’s yo’ problem. I ain’t that kinda nigga! You is though, you nasty little white-ass worm!”

“Get the hell outta here ‘fore I have your ass kicked!” Dabney shouted. “You”¦you stay! He can go!”

“I’m not staying here! I’m not doing that, you sick prick! We’re out of here! And turn them loose, too, or else we’re calling the police!” Shawn demanded.

Jesse groaned then, it was the wrong thing to threaten when they hadn’t gotten out of the door yet. All of a sudden, three men were on them, they had to fight for their lives trying to get out. The little girls were screaming and then Jesse pulled out a gun. Shawn hadn’t known he had it on him. He shot Dabney and one of the men on Shawn, yelling, “Run”¦get yo’ ass out, now! Get the police!”

Shawn had gotten out, hearing gunshots behind him, thinking that Jesse was following him. When he looked back, one of the men was shooting at him. He ducked and made it around the corner, just as a bullet struck the corner of the building he disappeared past. Running with his heart pounding, he searched for the police, but there was none in sight. Their car had been parked down the alley of the building they went in to work at, so he couldn’t go back for it, and Jesse had the keys.

By the time he got to a phone booth, called the police and returned to the scene, there were bodies being removed”¦Jesse included, as well as one of the little girls. Shawn had spent two years on probation, after charges were brought against him. Agonizing over the death of the best friend he’d ever had, he returned to the restaurant where they’d met. A female customer recognizing him from work he did for Dabney, asked him if he wanted to make a quick $1500. At first he turned it down, but considering his losses, he need that money and now. He agreed, and found himself leaning back, having a mold made of his erection. With a few females assisting him, stroking him, he was able to keep himself rigid long enough for the mold to set. Thus, now in various parts of the United States, there sat waiting to be purchased, hanging from a product hook, a dildo called Oscar Delight, and in fine print the package promises, “Nine inches of thick pleasure! No more unfulfilling nights!”

None, of course, knew it was made from Mr. Shawn Everett McPherson. With the money, he tried to use it to help him purchase paint supplies to get back into it, something that he’d neglected when he arrived in California. Problem was, after investing the money, being hungry many days, without lights and the danger of being evicted, he had to face the heartbreak of his paintings not selling…no interest in them, whatsoever. Oh, he sold a few here and there, but the money was just enough for food and a few other extras. He went back to the restaurant where he worked for three years, doing the occasional porn movie for cash payments until at the age of twenty-four, when he was talked into working for a women’s club. Melba’s…there it wasn’t too bad. He got to dress up in stupid costumes and grant women their fantasies. $500 plus tips a night, three nights a week. The louder and longer he made them scream in pleasure from their climax, the bigger his tips. A couple of them kept requesting him again. Then an older lady in her sixties talked him into being hers exclusively, full time. He didn’t understand why, because all she had done with each visit was talk to him. Her fantasy”¦that he was her son, coming home to visit and dote on her. Merriam Eleanor Styles, the one person he was happy to belong to…all she seemed to want was missed affection from a child. She was lonely, missed her son who had been killed a few years previously, and in her own way…she became Shawn’s hero. He lived with her, took care of her, talked to her, spoiled her. In return, she travelled all of Europe and took him with her. By the time they returned he was thirty, and she was talking him into returning to school, willing to finance him in his dream of getting a degree in Commercial Arts, Visual Communications, Business Management and Marketing, and also courses in Architecture and CAD. In his third year, he met Deidre. She carried herself with a quiet aloofness that captured his attention. While she had taken notice of him, there was no fawning or drooling and acts to get his attention. He went for her because she had class, carriage, elegance, and a soft manner. He told Merriam about her and with a smile, she blessed him in pursuing the girl. While they dated, Merriam got him his first cover art job. He was elated! That one led to another, then another and then another. Following that, Deidre became pregnant. Feeling as though his life was finally turning around with so much to be happy about, he talked her into marrying him, he had wanted a big wedding and to take her home to meet his parents. She pressed for an immediate ceremony and he gave in. One year later, Merriam Eleanor Styles died, leaving a fourth of her wealth to Shawn.

Shawn’s closed lids felt stuck to his eyes, unable to open. There was an intrusive sound forcing him from his sleep. A ringing…his cell phone. He lay across the bed, barely able to lift his head, trying to get his eyes to open. Feeling around on the side table by his bed, he knocked it on the floor, then searched for it with his eyes still shut; wondering about the time. Bringing the phone to his ear, his thumb clicked the talk button.

Smacking his dry mouth, he could barely speak. “Hello.”

“Shawn?”

“Yeah.” He throat was croaky from a deep sleep that he wanted to return to.

“It’s Deidre! Where are you?”

“In”¦bed,” he answered, feeling himself about to drift back off to sleep. “What time”¦is it?” he asked.

“It’s 8:30! Where’s Angela?”

Silence…Deidre waited. “Shawn! Are you there?” she shouted.

“Yeah! What?” he snapped, cranky from lack of sleep.

“Where””is””Angela?”

“She’s…with…Sylvia.”

“Sylvia! That woman, Sylvia?”

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Where are you? Where is that? Where is she?”

“In”¦Madison…a hotel. We’re sleeping…call back later,” he said.

“Which hotel? Why is she with Sylvia and not you?”

“Call””back””later!” He clicked off, dropped the phone, and turned over.

End of episode 11

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Bomaw ““ Episode 11