A. Of course it’s enough. Who needs flowers and candy and crap?
B. I want flowers and candy! I want surprises and jewelry! And special massages!
C. Forget special stuff. I’d be thrilled if he did the dishes.
D. A little token of appreciation is nice. Can we go out to dinner?
E. February 14? Am I even in town that day?
Answer: All of the above. Yeah, I’m a mercurial creature. I want everything and absolutely nothing because, let’s be honest, I haven’t the time to give him a big gift either. Especially since most of the surprise gifts I’ve given him have been met with a ho-hum response. (We’ll get to that in the next question). My travel schedule is often insane, so I haven’t even been around on the special day. And we’re trying to simplify our lives not add stuff to it.
But I have to admit, my heart would beat a little faster with a surprise gift or three. He’s trying. He’s getting me a really nice ring for our anniversary. And in return, I’m going to be here on the day and give him…um…. uh… oh crap. What should I give him?
Guess which of these gifts to my husband have flopped horribly.
A. Season Basketball tickets to the Fighting IlliniÂ
B. Massages from neuromuscular specialists.
C. A green smoothie and a kiss.
D. Myself in a slutty outfit
E. A babysitter for the kids so we could go out to dinner.
Answer: A, B, and C. Apparently, my husband loves college basketball for only one team: The University of Michigan. Go Blue! (My bad.) He’s got chronic pain, so I thought professional massages would alleviate some of the problem. Not so much. And apparently smoothies are disgusting, according to him, no matter how much sweet stuff is in it.
Fortunately, he really appreciated D and E.
So what am I really getting him this Feb 14?
A. Hmmm. Good question.
B. Still got nothing.
C. We could go out to dinner, but he usually pays. So that’s not a gift from me.
D. Guess it’s the slutty outfit. Where did I put that? Do sweatpants count?
E. I know! I’ll clean out the garage! He’d really love that!
Answer: E! I’m going to clean the garage! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. No, it’s probably everything but E. And is that TMI?
So there you go. That’s my true life valentine’s failure. For a romance writer, I’m embarrassed. But I do have a gift for all of you! For 99 cents, you can get twelve historical novellas by 12 hot historical authors, including me. NYT, USA Today, and amazon Bestsellers. Woo hoo! Click on the book cover!
Now it’s your turn. Tell me about a gift that flopped for you (so I won’t feel so bad about my failures) and one lucky commentor will win a Jade Lee ebook of their choice. (You can even get a pre-order of my May historical, 50 Ways to Ruin a Rake) If you’ve pre-ordered the anthology, you’ll get a second entry! Winner chosen on the 12th.Â Don’t forget to include your email address!
Mellie has a plan
Mellie Smithson is trapped in the country with no suitors and no prospects on the horizon except, perhaps, the exasperatingâ€”although admittedly handsomeâ€”guest of her father. She’s looking for any excuse to go to London to meet more eligible men.
Trevor has a problem
Trevor Anaedsley’s grandfather has cut off his funds until such time as he gets engaged. Trevor escapes to the countryâ€”ostensibly to visit his old tutor Mr. Smithson but actually to duck his creditorsâ€”where he meets Smithson’s lovely daughter Mellie. The obvious solution is suddenly before himâ€”but the lady has ideas of her own, and Trevor’s going to have to measure up…
50 Ways to Ruin a Rake http://tinyurl.com/puotldo
Visit Jade Lee’s website here to find her Scavenger Hunt clue!