Collide
Copyright July 2007

**This is a VERY sensual poem and not intended for those under 18**

I glanced across the room periodically while I was deep into some of my papers. You brought work with you this weekend as well and worked in the office. Taking a break, I rub my strained eyes and continue watching you. Things between us are so strange. We've agreed to things I’m not sure you even wanted, and now can’t remember why initially it was settled to be that way. Yet there seems to be something that always pulls at me about you; you’re still with me.

Something inside my heart and mind burns for you. The intensity of it is sometimes too much to bear. I keep to myself about the other half of my life, and you tell me everything about yours. Somehow though, you know more about me than sometimes I even care to know. And a part of me feels I don't know you at all.

You're demeanor is completely unlike I've ever expected. Drifting through the house are the sounds of Howie Day. Appropriate it seems, the consistent strumming of his guitar speaking deep inside me as I continue watching you. Trying to figure out the mystery of you, not so much how to get in but how to be at least closer than I am now.

You look up at me and smile, and that shiver courses through me. That chemistry between us is a small spark that manages to burn me up.

Over the time we’ve been together. You took time to know me thoroughly when I thought no man truly cared. Every single time you touch the outside of me, something inside me stirs seems to reveal a secret I had locked away. I can feel from the far distance the faint trace of your hands moving over my body. The words you speak to me softly as you slowly rouse me to excitement in your arms; the way your body feels entering mine as I plead for you. From this distance the memories come alive by just looking into your eyes; I can feel us moving together in passion.

You stand and walk towards me extending out your hand. A hand I’ve held on to when afraid, when happy, when needing support. A hand that has holds strength, tenderness and most importantly; trust. Resting my hand in yours, immediately our lips fuse together. Heated, wanting, needing, hurried at first, then the swift fire changes to an ember as our kisses adjust to what we really need and want.  The pressure transforms and soon we are savoring, tasting, and relishing in each others flavor.  

Leaning back on the table, the music drifting through the house, I know the tone of our coupling this time is different, special. Closing my eyes, I sigh as your hands caress my back, your lips kissing my neck, your touches reaching down my body, down my thighs, over my hips to ever so gently remove my panties to slide into my body. It isn't frenzied or hurried. Slow and sensual exploration greets us both as we find the parts we know guarantees pleasure. This time though our collision together is a slow melding instead of a violent explosion.

That euphoria I can only feel in your arms wipes the doubt away. The uncertainty of our relationship, the lingering distrust I hold due to fear of being hurt disappears.  The slight discomfort of your body sliding into mine brings reality and truth to the forefront. You move inside me not seeking a rhythm for yourself but trying to find one for the both of us to follow. You lead me in our ecstasy and I can only follow.

Gripping on to you tightly, you move me tenderly with your thrusts. I bite my lip as my heart beats things I can't speak, I’m afraid to speak. Scared of truly letting you see the last part of me, a piece I’ve never revealed before. You kiss my lips softly, asking me to let go. You stare into my eyes and ask me to let my wall down, to let you in.  I keep biting my lip holding on to the last thread. It’s the last barrier inside of me, the one that has always remained strong through every heartbreak, every pain. The barrier that formed when I promised myself I would never let anyone that close to me. It is the barrier that protects and shelters inside a fragile and delicate heart. 

Gently sucking on my bottom lip, you coax me to relax as you soothe the mark my teeth left. Leaning forward you move deeper, whispering in my ear how much you care about me. The foundation of the barrier is crumbling as I feel you collide against it with your gentleness.  Unable to keep the secret from you, I quietly let the tears fall down my face and whisper my love for you in your ear. Why now am I trusting you with all of me but couldn’t before? I don’t know.  You whisper back as that you’ve always known and continue moving inside me.

As you finally feel me surrender to you, all my walls destroyed, you tighten your grip on my body and your lips take mine again. I can’t hold back and let emotion lead me as I take in the strange and new feeling of surrender. The slow build swallows me alive as I’m at the edge and completely let go. Following my lead, you go after me over the precipice as I lock my arms around you.

Who knows how much time and moment has passed. Pulling back away from me, we stare at each other breathless, beads of sweat covering our bodies. You leave gentle kisses on my lips and continue staring at me.

I am completely speechless as I realize that somewhere along those moments in your arms; something broke in me and changed in you.

--Mila Ramos

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